Bubblegum Diaries: I prayed for bigger boobs, they never happened

Friday, February 15, 2008

I prayed for bigger boobs, they never happened

So I'm officially an atheist! And disgusted by the fact that whenever I lose weight, even the tiniest bit, it comes from my chest - wtf is that kind of joke?

Grrr. Makes me want to get fat just to fill my bra properly. Vegas, maybe I *will* wear that t-shirt after all (front: who needs big tits / back: when you've got an ass like this).

If only they would invent chocolate that increases your cup size and decreases mood swings! Imagine! Who needs to invest R&D dollars in cloning sheep and hair implants when there are so much more useful scientific advancements to be made?

Ignore the awesome English there, I'm starving for a thick coffee.

Happy Friday, everyone!

/end of post/

10 comments:

Sian said...: Oh My Gosh! I want that t shirt! I *need* that t shirt! :D; February 15, 2008 12:19 PM
prin said...: You can borrow my boobies tonight. ;);); February 15, 2008 1:48 PM
Technodoll said...: Sian, you can get it here: http://www.cafepress.com/buy/adult+humor+attitude/-/pv_design_prod/p_2550126.163463793/pNo_163463793/id_20728936/fpt_/opt_/c_666/pg_1

Prin, you're only visiting for an hour. I'm not into quickies!

*grin*; February 15, 2008 2:57 PM
Dolce said...: Doesn't that always seem to be the problem? We put weight on in the worst possible places and when we lose it, it comes off in the worst possible places, like boobs.

Oh. I left you a message on my comment page; I had NO idea about Eukenuba! I was misguided by the PetSmart people. Any suggestions?; February 15, 2008 3:01 PM
Technodoll said...: I know! It's so not fair... waaah! However I'd rather have not enough than too much, to be honest. Gravity gets mean as women grow older! LOL

I replied to the food stuff, Dolce - good topic of discussion once you get into it, totally addictive!

In the end, knowledge is power... and our pets benefit with a better quality of life and less medical bills. :-); February 15, 2008 3:16 PM
Skryker said...: LOL! Does that shirt come the other way around?; February 15, 2008 3:20 PM
~* ♥ Fallen Angel ♥ *~ said...: That T-shirt sounds interesting. May I have one as well? ;); February 15, 2008 3:35 PM
B said...: erm. if you find that chocolate. please, please tell me where I can find my own. because yes.; February 15, 2008 5:04 PM
Technodoll said...: skryker, you crack me up! ooo cracks... let's not go there.

F.Angel, it's apparently the hot new thing to have, eh? hmmm. I like.

Deutlich, I promise to share if I ever stumble upon this holy grail of perfection. Sigh.

*munches more ordinary chocolate*; February 15, 2008 10:53 PM
KA said...: i have boobie issues too.; February 16, 2008 7:32 AM

george carlin jewels

Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin’ ready to hang himself.

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

“No comment” is a comment.

You can’t argue with a good blowjob.

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

worst pickup lines

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost mine.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

steven wright wisdom

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

awesome country songs

rejected hallmark cards

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life... (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am.... (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me .

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go.... (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age.... (Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me... (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.... (Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket... (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday... (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder..... (Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking

11. I'm so miserable without you... (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

12. Thank you for being part of my life..... (Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!... (Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

14. How can I say this.... (Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

15. Hooray..... (Inside card) - You're divorced.

16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened... (Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

17. Congrats on getting married... (Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

18. Someday I hope to marry... (Inside card) - Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time... (Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

not the sharpest bulb in the closet?

A few peas short of a casserole.

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

An intellect rivalled only by garden tools.

As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory.

As much use as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest.

As useful as a wooden frying pan.

As useful as tits on a bull.

Dumb as a stump.

He's got a mind like a steel sieve.

His cheese has slipped off his cracker.

His porch light ain't on.

If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.

Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp.

Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Room temperature IQ.

Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby.