A visit to the doctor

We went to the GP on Wednesday and met Dr. Coates. Dr. Creagh is supposedly on holidays or else I would have made that appointment with her but Alhamdulillah, Dr. Coates was just as nice as she is. I made one appointment though I did request for another (for me and both little fellas) as that was the only one available according to the receptionist (or whoever was on the phone) for the day.

The appointment was at 1220pm and we were there earlier but as usual, get to see the doctor much much later than the promised time. I wonder, at this period of the year - the end of the convocation week and the beginning of summer holidays - could there still be some many people needing the University's Health Service? We waited in the lounge with only another girl who seemed to be waiting for quite some time, I think. As she looked so vulnerable on the couch and at last rang the reception bell to suddenly change her address? Whatever-lah. Nevertheless, Handzalah enjoyed the waiting playing with blocks at the little play area provided in the centre. He's usually stuck on the toy horse but today the blocks were by far more colourful and interesting. Maybe because they were all around the floor when we came in.

Minutes elapsed and at last the door opened and my name was called by the GP herself. Handzalah the Builder was so into his 'building', it took some time to get him to the door. I told him it's time to go but this kind hearted fella wanted to keep the blocks in the box - tidying up - first before leaving. But there was not much time for that so I told him that we can get back to that later (they weren't even in the box at the first place, but thank God Alhamdulillah, he does have a sense of responsibility and care even they weren't his).

In the doctor's room, I told Dr. Coates about the problem all three of us had for the past one week. She said she'll give me a check but I'll need to try and get separate appointments for the kids. But that was the only available appointment for the day and I made it on my name because I thought it won't make any difference as if it does I would surely put my children's then. She made a quick check on the computer and told us that a few other docs had a few available appointments but again, there were none when I called this morning! Well, I can't blame her nor the receptionist, I know about their big problem there. The 10 minutes per appointment scheme happen not to work as planned as many patients took too much time for consultation?! And that's why I requested for another appointment at the first place.

The doc gave me a check and told me it's NOT hayfever because you won't have fever with hayfever though the name indicates so ;). And further, there won't be any swellings/swollen glands with it. It's actually a cold virus which has been affecting the area at the moment. No antibiotics or medication would be any good but doses of paracetamol would help to relieve the fever and discomfort. After the brief check, I asked whether I could treat it the same way with my children, and to my relief, Alhamdulillah, she kindly said she'll be examining them both afterwards. Gee, that was a real relief! Can't imagine having to leave her door to get more appointments from the receptionist and see another doctor ... the little boy - as usual - cried all the time when the doc's examining him. Wise doc gave him a sticker and switched on a moving elephant. The boy was happy with the toy but not happy enough to settle down quietly during the examination. He even tried getting another sticker and the doc gave him another one which Ummi pasted on her little sister's tee. And the sticker actually says "I was good at the doctor's today" ;). Fidaa' at the other hand - as usual - was all macho and interested in things. She was very quiet tolerating the quick process.

I've made an appointment for the little girl's Hep B jab next week but the pharmacist had some trouble with the prescription. She told Abuhandzalah we need to pay for it and there's no specification in the prescription on whether it's the 16pounds or 60pounds jab. Hmm ... that's so expensive for a Hep B jab! I could get it cheaper back home kan?

I miss my baby ...

... and my baby misses me! ;)

We made a 2nd trip to the centre yesterday to submit my CRB form, again. Me, my husband and the little girl. We left the big boy at 'kakak-kakak's house (the Mayfield Rd. girls), being afraid that it might take some time there and dearest Handzalah will feel bored waiting. He was all happy going to 'kakak-kakak'. No doubt, they treat him everytime with a 1st class service. Driving all attention to him, only! ;)

It turned out that the submission and checks only took a few minutes so we drove back to the girls' house hardly half an hour after leaving from their doorstep. I went in to fetch Handzalah but he was all busy with the laptop. Mai said he has been watching Spongebob. Our laptop is a bit 'ill', it keep on shutting down everytime we play a movie or video, hence, Handzalah might have enjoyed his short stay having the technology all to himself to watch all his favourite entertainment programs! I tried to persuade him to come home with me but he seems not interested and Mai said I should leave him for the day since I'll be coming back to the area to visit a friend in the evening. I thought, no, he's going to miss me if I leave him too long. But then, he might need a lil bit time-out from home with his favourite 'kakak-kakak', so we went home without him.

At home we had lunch together and I gave Fidaa' her first introduction to solids! It's apple puree for the day. Well, as expected most of the puree came out than went in! ;) After lunch, Abuhandzalah was off to the office and I tried to finish my never-ending workload with the computer. Fidaa' was already sleeping after a long feed, and oddly, I felt so lonely! The world seems a bit 'wrong' having so much silence around. Oh my, I'm missing my baby! He drives me crazy all the time when he's nearby with his cheeky acts and witty stories. It's not like he's never been somewhere else but that's usually when I'm somewhere else too doing something that I can't include him with. Not when I'm working at home. Not like now. Oh my, I miss him! At this kind of moment, I always think of whether he misses me too?

Suddenly I heard a strange knock at the door.

Somebody's knocking the lower part of the door as if he/she is short. And the knock sounds a bit strange. It comes and goes as if someone's playing around with the door? Aiyah, could it be Handzalah? The phone is again, not working so the girls might have come without being able to tell me they are. So I simply asked who's out there , is it Mai? (one of the girls) and thank God she said yes hehe. My baby boy is back! Mai and Azila brought him to the park at the university to play football as he seemed a bit bored but later he 'brought' them home. This big boys know the way home ey? :) And he misses ummi. He wants to get home and eat 'nasi'. He wants to be home. With me. ME! I love you too sayang ...


* Do you like the graphics? Check them out at GranGran's Graphics.

I'm going back to school!

Yup. I'm going back to school! Not to be taught yet to teach, surprise, surprise. That's a big surprise to myself! I've been thinking of enrolling in a childcare course this year, but I guess there's a bigger cause to serve InshaAllah, hence that dream will need a little more wait. I've always loved school, education and children. I've always wanted to be a part of an educational institution, a think-tank that'll be able to generate fresh ideas for the betterment of the society. The only thing I never thought I'll do, is "teaching" itself! Erm, though parenting is a bit of teaching, I'm still an amateur in it.

I was talking to my dearest sister, Lieawulf whom has been lecturing in a private college for quite sometime asking her for some helpful tips. She told me:"On your 1st day entering the class, show that you are kind to them but you can also choose to be fierce and roar in class hahaha...". Well, that's a message from a teacher handling college students. I'm going to handle younger children in primary and maybe secondary schools. I'm still unsure of what's ahead, as this will be my 1st experience ever though as Lieawulf noted that "we - the sevenlords - are all talented" in this profession and I should just go ahead and test my skills hahaha. Well, my mom, dad and elder sister have been personal tutors for people for a long long time now though I bet none of you, if you know Lieawulf the way I do; an introvert who hardly speaks to another stranger will be a teacher! And what do you know? She's even good at it! She has been an assistant to her Tae-kwan-do instructor for sometime, I have no doubt if she's teaching that, but imparting non-physical theoretical knowledge is something too hard too imagine! And one 'secret recipe' of the sevenlords, we seem a bit extra fierce most of the time, but deep down our humble hearts meant well and we're the type of "I'll do anything" for the people we love and of our concern such as our students (pendek kata garang tapi baik hati la tu ... kot? ;)).

For the past year, I've been teaching 14-16 lovely girls Tafsir; the translation and scholars' comentaries of the Qur'an and I really enjoyed doing so. I've just started coaching Lisa with the Arabic alphabets and I'm hoping I'll be able to accomplish my small mission with her before returning to Malaysia. I've always enjoyed conducting study circles on Islam (usrah) and I guess I do have one or two skills up my sleeves but I'll need a lot more to really teach properly, especially this time it's in a formal setting and I have a syllabus to follow and finish! Good thing we'll be sent for training. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah and those out there whom have trusted me with this valuable opportunity. Not just for some pocket money, but for experience and knowledge I might not be able to get elsewhere, in other ways. I wonder if teaching 6-17 year old kids could be a done in a more relaxing atmosphere, putting more interpersonal and group communication skills into practice. After all, teaching is not speaking in public, a one way communication system. Right? If it is, it'll definitely be boring!

Any tips from teachers or tutors out there? Care to share them with me? Comment please :). At the moment, hoping for your prayers, God-willing InshaAllah, may everything goes well for the school and me.

For your information, Sekolah Malaysia Southampton will be in action soon InshaAllah. It will be held once a week, teaching Malay Language and Basics of Islamic Fundamentals (Fardhu 'Ain) for children of Malaysian families.

p/s: Handzalah and Fidaa' will have their abi to look after them when I'm teaching, Alhamdulillah.

nurinmz.com - downtime

I'm sorry to announce that nurinmz.com is temporarily "closed". With extreme carelessness, I've left the computer to my little boy without signing out from my blog account first. Hence, my older posts and comments have been deleted. Thought I'll write something new afer a long rest, but ALlah Knows Best, sendiri cari pasal. I'll figure out how to get things back to normal later. At the moment I'm off to the island of Regrets.

love IS BLIND.

Missing my friends. My dearest friends. For no particular reason except for a heart that still feels in a soul that's still breathing. I miss them!

---
Love is blind.
You forgive,
you forget
for love
no matter how deep is the cut.

You saw those black spots
imperfection,
the dark side
airing negative thoughts.
But love is blind,
letting them remain unnoticed
perceiving only beauty and kindness
with all your heart.

Love is blind.
No wonder there's never a mountain too high
or a jungle too wild,
no view could deceive
what a heart perceives
as love, perfection.
Devotion.
The sense of being complete.

But love, believes in eternity
where happines lies and freedom lives
hence, lovers fly to the skies
without wings, yet a heart fully determined.
And what's with those glittering wonders,
temporal splendours
when the world shall only means darkness to the eyes
of those who believe.

I wish to love and see Thee,
to walk through this destiny
in blindness of hardship and sufferings
leaving pain and bad memories remain unnoticed.

Love is blind.
Thank God, it is!

khaleel el-wafy
644am, 23/5/07
S'oton.

half-hearted; to Him we shall return

News: Ayong, our beloved aunt (more like a loving granny to me) has left all of us yesterday ... Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un. From Him we came, to Him we shall return.

Knowing her for three years, I look forward to every journey to my husband's hometown of Muar, simply to see her and and her big, funny cooking experts family. I guess her daughters inherited all her kitchen skills mashaALlah. She'll always greet us with a loving smile and cuddle, even mentioning 'sayangnya' everytime we arrive at her humble 'kampung' home. She was a great cook although retired from the kitchen in her old age, and her children seems to keep the good cooking tradition among them. My husband will be mentioning her delicious cooking whenever the family serves us great home cooked food at the kitchen table. Even now when we're far from home, everytime we talk about Malaysia and it's delicacies, he'll come out with something nice, home-made by Ayong and her family. One of the best would be her 'sambal', which is a must during festives like 'Eid with a special touch that makes it taste so nice you'll hardly find an equal.

One great thing I'll always remember about her, was her caring attitude towards others. In these few years, she hasn't been able to see properly due to her serious diabetic problem. I don't even know whether she had ever recognize my face but her caring heart has never seems to fail 'seeing' and feeling the people around her. Everytime we're in her company, at her home especially, she'll be asking her childen whether they've served us food and drinks and whether we've eaten properly. She'll be so concern that she'll be asking the same question a few times. She'll even sit next to us, just to 'look' at and honour her guests. A life devoted to serving her beloved flesh and blood, and the community around her, I pray that Allah will grant her peace and blessings during her short rest in al-Barzakh till the eternal Aakhirah inshaAllah.

I'm feeling half-hearted now, thinking about my dearest family at home, so far away from reach. But life, needs to go on and the mission, although with a lot of struggle, needs to be accomplished InshaAllah. I pray, and I pray, and hoping for your prayers, that this little mission will be accomplished in time and we'll be back home soon InshaAllah. Isn't it a tradition of travellers, parting from friends and families,? Lillah, fillah InshaAllah ... terimalah ya Allah.

To those whom sent us their heartiest condolence and joined the funeral prayer (ghaib) last night, may Allah reward your kindness - Jazakumullah Khayral Jazaa'. Every soul shall have a taste of death (Quran - 3:185), have we been preparing ourselves for it?

Ayong, we'll miss you...

Virginia Tech and Anizah Othman, the world we're living in

I could not recall knowing Ustazah Anizah during my campus years although we were in the same university (and she's about my age). But my heartiest condolence goes to her family and friends. In a noble quest of educating the society, in a remote area where most young teachers and government officers would like to avoid, this tragedy would be another dark memory not only for those related to the victim but for all of us. When such stories became public through the news, the world - where's sanity and senses live - has never failed to respond with utmost concern and sympathy.

When the 23-year old student of Virginia Tech gunned down 32 of his fellow mates and staffs what did he have in mind? What would possibly trigger such rage ending with the boy shooting himself? I wonder. The moment the news of the killings reached his parents, family and friends what do they think about? Did sadness and questions overwhelmed them and made the thoughts unknown and unjustified? I wonder. And I wonder how those related to the victims feel when such precious lives can't be brought back though the world's empathy didn't fail to declare their sympathy.

And again, as a parent I wonder how worried one could be of their offsprings and loved ones when the world has been composing such horrifying histories. Both Anizah and Virginia Tech had different stories and background but shared the same feelings and concerns from the public. I can't imagine a father sending her teenage child to school in the morning only to comprehend the fact that later in the afternoon he or she had been murdered by a deviant colleague who has been present and around all the while. It won't be easy for a mother to accept the reality that her beloved child has been killed on the way to her friend's house when she's been expecting a ritual call, assuring everything's fine and well. You observe your child daily and you loved them ever since you knew they exist only to believe that they left you forever in the most impossible manner that you could think of. I pray that Allah shall give us patience and strength in enduring the loss of our loved ones, always.

Discussing such issues, I'm wondering about the future of our children and generation. What will it be? Young people are indulged in deadly, massive killings. Weapons are being traded on the streets. Policemen 'permitting' a public institution to continue its activities when a killer is walking throughout its amenities. An educated woman being strangled to death with reasons and exact account of the tragedy remains a mystery. People crossing the boundaries of sanity and humanity.

The public might forget these stories in a month or two unless another hit the news wal'iyazubillah. But should we, parents and people who claimed empathy towards the good of the community stay in the state of negligence and forgetfulness of our duty to help the society heal, to promote healthy ideas and means in handling such issues that triggered loads of data and analysis from experts and authorities. What could we do, should we do?

Think! Because it starts from you!

In Malaysia or Virginia, we feel.
Let's think and let's act, let us all heal!

Allahumma ... guide us and protect us from such calamity.

Today

Time really flies, and life has changed so much, but alhamdulillah for everything, I'm always smiling. Fidaa' wakes up with a smile, Handzalah wakes up with a cry. But ummi and abi will laugh at both entertainers who start our days with joy. It's three years together now and I'm all grateful for everything I have and do not.

Alhamdulillah for this ni'mah, alhamdulillah for this love. The journey is still far and there's a lot to learn too.
A lot to improve and bitter moments to chew. But may Allah give us courage, wisdom and strength for we only love because of You. Never feel weak or unimportant, never grieve for our shortcomings for there's space for lessons and improvement. Never say never to the challenges ahead as I'm always here with you, for you. To walk those challenging steps, through times good and bad. Just don't look back until we reach His hubb! Uhibbukfillah. Salam ulangtahun dan terima kasih,
pada semua, untuk segala-galanya.

that day in January 2007 ...

I receive a note from beloved father. And how I wish, I could hug him and tell him
"I LOVE YOU FOREVER!"

This is Papa. I glanced at the photo of my grandson. How I feel to be with him in times of need. Eyes of marbles and lips with amplified meanings, looking with anxieties......my goodness tears on my cheeks, remembering those good old days taking him for a stroll to far away places. Complacent in his buggy unaware of the journey, whether it is cold, hot or windy. Soccer is his favourite and he knows where and when to get started. He is a left footer and dribles like a six footer. When the day gets dark it is time to get back. Once again he is in the driver's seat. Home we go through the Commons and the uncommon, sometimes breaking the speed limit of FURZEDOWN ROAD and passing the NO ENTRY ROAD. Passerbyes with curiosity will have all the smiles, looking at this cutie already in his dreams of the far away places and his Chaffeur of Minangkabau origin. Alhamdulillah, home at last, waiting with garlands of curry aroma are his Opaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah and Umi. Unfortunately.... he is still in his dreams .

To Nurin Mazaya, we are proud of you as a wife and mother. Keep it up. We love you and HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

18th January 2007

bismillah ...

alhamdulillah, all praise be to Allah who sent us the Book as guidance and the reason of success in this world and the hereafter.

dearest friends, thank you for stopping by for a read. the so called writer has been "out of reach" for a while due to a dead phone line and a laptop falling ill recently.

alhamdulillah everything's normal again. and with the new member in the family, there's so many stories to be told and so many precious ni'mah to ponder upon, the writer will be posting new entries soon InshaAllah. thank you for your patience and loyalty :) - here's a little gift for everyone - Fidaa', our little sweetheart born on 15th January 2007.




please make du'a for everyone, may Allah forgive us and grant us patience and peace to live and understand His blessings ...

p/s: credit to hana for the nice pics and memories in bath :)

tetamu nan teristimewa!

I've been waiting to write this entry, but, thinking that having a pic with it will be absolutely better than just words to describe has resulted the delay. 'Ala kulli haal, can't wait, no more ... I don't want to forget and I don't want to procrastinate, not only the little time I have left but also the precious memories that I've had!

Did I tell you (my dear friends), I've had a few special guests last year? My 6th sibling, Ijlal a.k.a UI came just before the beginning of winter, and later on my beloved parents and youngest bro Zak during the summer ... they were like angels sent to lift up my spirit, offering a helping hand. All three of us were delighted with their stay, Alhamdulillah and MashaALlah. We haven't left Malaysia that long yet are blessed with the chance to go home when Abah was terribly sick and having family around before and after our journey back home to look after Abah whom was hospitalised for more than a month ...

But that was at the end of 2005 till 2006. This year began with another blessing. My favourite mu'allim, a very close family friend and our all time murabbi was invited for a winter program by a Malaysian groups of students here in the UK. I was informed about his coming by KakLong, but I can't seem to find a way to get his contact number even until the very day he came. I even asked my family back home to contact him in advance so that i can see him when he arrives, but ALlah Knows Best it was just not meant to be. A friend reminded me about a schoolmate somewhere here in the UK, telling me that he might be seeing him. I was relieved and quickly sent an SMS telling him to at least send him my Salam and invitation to our little home in S'oton.

Sadly, the text message didn't receive a reply until one day KakLong's lil sister in Dublin told me that he was in S'oton and will be travelling around the South! Again, quickly, tried asking some students if they know that he's around but I was too late. The moment my questions were answered he has already left S'oton and I don't think I'll get to see him, ever!

Frustrated. I can't even remember the last time I met him. He didn't even had the chance to attend our walimah for reasons unavoidable and I've never seen him since then. I have so many questions to ask and most of all, I just need to see him!

I keep telling myself that it's ok, tak ada rezeki and I've tried. But Allah Knows how happy I was knowing he's here and how it turned into negative feelings not having the chance to at last (I thought) meet him with my new little family, husband and son. Allah, Allah, Allah.

But ALlah Most Gracious listens how, and knows why and He granted my wish when I least expect it!

Talking to my mother near New Year's eve, I told her that I didn't get to talk to him nor meet him and I think he's back in Malaysia already.

Later that week, at last, an SMS from my dear schoolmate came asking my contact number for another junior of mine. I thought it was just another Alumni thingy but I was so surprised, soon after my husband replied the message a call came in and seconds after I was talking to Mu'allim Muhaimin! Subhanallah, my heart was jumping and ... err whatever that's applicable :) - he said he's coming to visit me tomorrow if it's okay with us. OF COURSE! (Nah, cemburu tak kalian?!)

And on the morning of Thursday, 4th January 2007, we had our first special guest/visitor from home that didn't only remind me of home but the place and the people I've known for so long ... the people I call friends and teachers, the place I really felt like "home" and the memories I've always treasured all my life ...
* may Allah bless him for his kindness towards me and family. Cikgu pula yang cari dan ziarah anak murid! :D

Mu'allim Muhaimin was not only a teacher and none of my mua'llims nor mu'allimats were ... they are murabbis, they aren't my parents but they are people so dear and close to my heart for what they've instilled in my soul for more than a decade. Hira' was also no mere memory to me, it was a blessing of a lifetime! I am what I am, partly because of them and partly because of my family (other than my current life-educating processes and experiences). The place that reminds me of Allah and the beauty of Islam in both, ideals and practice. We had an Islamic bi'ah/environment I've yet to re-discover anywhere. It wasn't perfect but enough to teach me and enlighten me with a mission and vision that guides my lifetime journey.

One thing about Mu'allim Muhaimin himself; in Hira' we were taught to give salam especially to teachers whenever we pass by anyone of them, but this mu'allim of mine has always challenged us the other way round ... he'll be the one giving salam first when we are struggling to find the chance to greet him before he does! :) Teringat beria-ia sengaja kami tunggu dekat koridor kelas yang dua tiga meter je dari bilik Mu'allimun sebelum Mu'allim lalu, macam main aci, nak cuba beri salam dulu! I'm not sure whether we've ever "won" that game though ;).

That's why these people are special. They have great knowledge yet a very humble character. They treated us like children, or at least someone close to them, not just like a student -I don't know whom- but I just have to teach- till they pass in class like many no-teaching-passion teachers are nowadays :(.

I remembered the day I was asked whether I want to go to Hira' (for primary) or another school, I simply said Hira', not knowing why but I believed it was His plans for me. I enjoyed 9 official years there as a student and "child" along with my female siblings. I'm not sure what they think or feel about it now, but I'll say I have no regrets being part of the system though we had to learn in harsh conditions and hardly being recognized by government institutions nor anywhere else. Whenever I'm there it feels like, "I don't wanna grow up I'm a Hira' kid" :) (quote:Toys R Us).

I left Hira' with a heavy heart, always finding a way to get back. Alhamdulillah, we manage to establish an Alumni where I did get a chance to work for and enjoy reunions with the people I've always cherished and loved.

Hira' is still very much alive and expanding. It has been growing since those sweet old days with new branches in Jeram and Shah Alam. We have a big family of Hira'ians now. I'm not sure if my teachers could still remember me but I remembered the last time I called Jeram's office to enquire about something when I was in the university, the staff requested my name and I said I was a student but I don't think you'll know me. Citing my name, he quickly told the others it's me and I heard somebody said; "Siapa tak kenal "me"?!". Huhu, nasib baik tak balas, "Encik bergurau ke ni?". 'Ala kulli haal, that's what I call "home" err other than these "homes" of mine-lah of course!

Friends? They were too many to mention. Of various batches and ages. We're still in touch though many of us are already parents to children and even figures in our own fields and paths. Alhamdulillah. These are the people that need no ice breaking when they meet. They might be separated for years but their hearts are like flowers in the spring, blooming with glory whenever the sun touches them with its soft light, flourishing the earth in the slightly cosy breeze. Err ... I'm waiting for the moment to meet them again, SOON, hopefully inshaALlah :)

Well, I do miss those days, NOT to say that I'm not happy with what I have now, Alhamdulillah I am blessed with a great companion and a lovely child, MashaAllah. Just like the blessings of being a part of the Sevenlords. I just hope one day I can share this bliss and happiness of mine with my friends, as I would love to share my fond memories of yesterday with others with my little family now.

Sometimes, you just want to be "where everybody knows your name ..." :) . (quote : Cheers).



Jazakumullah khairal jazaa' ... ;)

... and yearning for another beautiful history tommorrow :)

Orang putih ke Melayu?

I'm still here, blogging in the early dark hours of the day ... The little fella has yet to make an appearance. Well, there's still 9 days to go before its due :)

Why do I blog in English?

Malay is my mother tongue though I've finished a degree with subjects mostly in Arabic and the rest in English. I love to write poems in Malay, though I do have some pieces in English and maybe one? in Arabic (its not that good though).

Indeed, I am better in Malay when it comes to expressing my thoughts and feelings in those poetic notes. Erm, puitis sangatkah? Tidak. I don't think I'm much of a poet. I've too little writings in comparison to the other poetic artists or even friends and even lieawulf! ;) I would consider my writings as notes on life and observations, unnecessarily poetic, but usually in poem-form ... sort of!

Aduh! Saya sedikit hairan bila al-akh Zaid Akhtar mengajukan pertanyaan kenapa saya berbahasa Inggeris di blog dan ke manakah puisi-puisi Melayu saya? Saya masih menulis dengan bahasa ibunda, berpuisi (mungkin) dengan bahasa yang pertama saya kenali di dunia nyata. Puisi-puisi saya juga masih memenuhi blog usang ini. But I do blog in English (I do write in Malay occassionally) for a few reasons:

- I need to practice the language, especially after graduating from the university ... well, language is a bit BIODEGRADABLE ;) you might lose it by time without practicing (its even very rusty already) ... I am currently living in an English speaking world, but I don't have the chance to mingle much to effectively practice it outside so the least I SHOULD BE DOING is this? :)

- I have many non-Malay, non-Malaysians friends. I want them to be able to understand my writings, like my dearest brother luqmanlee ... he used to visit my old blog to leave messages without having the chance to understand my musings. Isn't that a disadvantage for da'wah? (if the content is relevant).

- I believe many of my Malay speaking friends whom are internet-savvy are also multingual, bilingual: Malay+English at least! But some of my English speaking friends know very little Malay or none at all! Hence, let's do justice to everyone :)

I'm communicating with my son in Malay though I do read and teach him in English. I'm hoping that when it's time to go back home, my son will be able to speak both Malay and English well.

I can't help it. He's a Malay just like we are. So are his grandparents. I don't want him to come home like some Malay-tetapi Orang putih? children that do not even speak a single Malay word nor understand it!

I know, many people are proud to have fluent English speaking children (even if they are totally ignorant about their own language and culture), but I have to say that I'm not going to be proud to have a child instilled ONLY with values and a worldview adopted by the West. We are what we are. This is my view though. I know that sometimes people regard me as a weirdo for not being too excited living and bringing up a family in this Mat Saleh/Orang putih's country.

I'm a Muslim, and I hope to bring up a child with Islamic values and worldview, and that will be a priority. If he speaks English well, alhamdulillah, as we should benefit that from our stay here. But please Handzalah, learn Malay well (and InshaALlah Arabic too), as there's nothing wrong about being one!

Erm, there are studies suggesting that children might be confused and refuse to communicate when there's too many languages used at home. But the findings are not definite (well as far as I've read :)). Some suggest that one parent should use only one language. I do agree. But I also think Muslims are born to be at least bilingual because all of us speaks Arabic! ;) hehe in our prayers 5 times a day at least!

ALlah Knows Best! :)

sleepless nights ...

Salam 'eid mubarak to all. Hoping everyone had a pleasant 'eid at home or anywhere you are fi hifzillah. We celebrated 'eid in S'oton last Saturday and seems like it was merrier than 'eidul fitr, as told by the others. There were even more Malays attending the 'eid prayer and there was 'makan-makan' as usual at Kg. Broadlands. Seems like everyone's back from the winter holidays. And people back home in Malaysia celebrate it today with Qurbans and a wedding soon InshaALlah. Kak Diana is already married to a Kelantanese guy and they'll be having a reception at the groom's hometown on the 2nd day of the New Year InshaAllah. Barakallah lakuma wa feekuma wa jama'a bainakuma fil khayr. That's a very merry 'eid isn't it? :)

But, the three of us celebrated 'eid "quietly" at home, all because of the false alarm! ;)

We slept really late on the night of 'eid after cooking some raya delicacies when I started to experience discomfort and pain. MashaAllah, We thought the little fella was about to 'come and celebrate' 'eid with us three. But he/she didn't turn up. Nope. Not yet. It was just another 'drill' I guess. We stayed home all day and life goes on with a lesser 'eid feeling. Too restless and tired. Nobody had enough sleep. And too excited in a way, not knowing what's up next.

Nevertheless, we had three visitors in the evening. Lucky them and us too Alhamdulillah, there's food to be served and enjoyed by everyone. Not to forget the special 'pink' ketayap/kuih dadar with white coconut filling : well, we didn't plan to make any and there were no green colouring nor brown sugar to make it look the way it should. It was our first trial which was a success, hamdanlillah! :) Taste matters, right? It's abuhandzalah's favourite and I'm happy that at last, I can prepare it from my own kitchen! Err, of course with abuhandzalah's skillful technique of spreading the dough (men'dadar'kan bancuhan kuih) in the pan, as I'm a bit 'tak gheti guano' to make it nicely round and thin. Huhu, just like the way we made English pancakes. I'll get all the ingredients ready mixed and he'll do the rest. He's even better at handling the really really thin popiah skins the first time we made our own too. Aiya, I need more training with my hands-lah ;)

Poor Handzalah who hasn't been anywhere much lately. The weather hasn't been good for walks in the park and ummi hasn't been that well for long journeys. He had so much fun after my last visit to health center last week, when we stayed at the uni's park for a while to let him run around and watch the ducks enjoying the cold flowing water in the pond! One of those flying creatures flew on top of our heads and Handzalah was really stunned! He was laughing and mentioning "duck", "duck" all the time. He likes it so much whenever we walk down to the university (and up home) especially during these holidays when there's not many people around; dunia ini aku yang punya! He'll be running around without anything to worry about. We usually let him free on his feet which usually capture's the public's eye with all smiles and sometimes "HI". Well, he's that friendly little guy that passes a bit spark to everyone, the person you'd like to run into during the gloomy days with dark skies. :) There's one time he walked pass an old man and he told us with a loud voice and a big smile, "The little man is marching" ... aha, he is! "Marching" ahead with all positive thought in his head and heart, I think, and I do believe. Isn't it nice to be like a kid, with the least to worry about and the most to be happy of?

Lately, Handzalah has learnt not only to give cuddles and kisses upon requests but he's offering and requesting them from us! Usually before he falls asleep or if he's up before bedtime ends and he needs to sleep back, he'll call for ummi and abi, saying "pewuk" (peluk/hug) or "shium" (cium/kiss) with his two hands and cheek ready for action. I'm thinking of the moment I'll need to leave him with his favourite 'kakak-kakak', that's when we'll be in labour ward! Will he be fine? May ALlah ease everything and make him happy always. I hope we won't need to be in the hospital that long. Though, I know he's always excited and will have so much fun with them around. He'll always fall asleep in the car after we left their place because he'll be all busy entertained and entertaining! He'll be playing here and there, this and that, calling their names and forget ummi's there too ;). We just gave 'kakak-kakak' a raya visit before maghrib today and we stayed until 9pm! Simply fulfilling his everyday request - wanting to see them! :) Hoping to keep him occupied and happy having another little fella around. Thinking of a proper timetable to get him to the library and playgroups when I'm all well InshaALlah. I don't think the little playtime and learn we're having at home now is adequate for his development. Well we do mix around with other families and children, but as he's growing I just hope I can cope and do enough things (if not more) for his growth.

Sleepless nights ... I think it's very much usual for new families to have them or everytime there's a newborn. Or in some cases, married life requires you to stay awake for a lot of reasons and most of them - to care for the people you care most about! Well, during pregnancy it's quite a normal syndrome, where mothers-to-be experience sleepless night and restless mornings. Sometimes you just can't sleep and most of the time the discomfort deprives you from a good one. That's part and parcel of motherhood, and parenthood too. Mothers and fathers will be 'zombies' for nights and weeks before they adapt to their new roles and responsibilities. But it's not something that starts or ends during early babyhood, those sleepless restless days might recur whenever any of your beloved ones - especially the little helpless fellas - fall sick or had trouble sleeping. We had that problem with our little boy before. He slept well during the first two weeks but we still had to wake up for changing and feeds and nurse him in the hospital when he had jaundice in the 2nd week. It continued non-stop through weeks and months as he was colicky and later on developed a problem of adjusting his sleep in the proper hours at night. My husband had to buy us lunch everyday because we never had the chance to sleep well at night and therefore in the morning, I'm all tired and exhausted. He'll be going to work with a tired sleepy face. Only until he's weaned off the breastmilk totally that the sleeping problem really went away but alhamdulillah it was better after hist first birthday. I would say the colic had an effect on his sleep and so did our journeys and travelling. I remembered reading and listening to the Health Visitor's/GP's saying that he'll never be able to settle until we settle down - from moving - FIRST! So to all parents wannabe, plan well please :). I know it's not easy, we've had changes in our original plan due to things happening beyond our ability to discard them and therefore THE CONSEQUENCES!

Nevertheless, I hope our countless, sleepless, restless nights will be accounted for as good deeds that will be rewarded with pleasure in the eyes of the Almighty ... Ihfadzillaha yahfadzka!

salam 'eid mubarak to all and forgive us for our weaknesses and wrongdoings.

* read about colic

I am an Idealist?

hmm ... haven't taken any personality tests for so long, kinda miss them! :)

anyway, dropped by at lieawulf's blog and found her doing this 3Qs Personality Test,
very short yet interesting because I think it is quite true ... in some ways, in certain aspects ...
maybe, and maybe not ;) ... what do you think ... of ME?
hmm, 'ala kulli haal I do think its good to know our own personality especially through certified/authentic tests because they'll help us to know ourselves, through attitudes, strength and weaknesses and let us develop into a better person inshaAllah ... and in this challenging field of da'wah and quest of 'ubudiyyah, knowing oneself might ease the path to reach and touch the hearts of people and to know God ... Allah Knows Best! :)

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Alhamdulillah, thank you ALlah for my mother!

note:
It was Mama's birthday on Nov 23rd. I don't have enough words to express my thoughts and feelings about her. I could only hope that Allah shall accept and answer her prayers and mine, and that she'll be blessed and rewarded with every kindness fiddarayn - in the world and the hereafter. This article is dedicated to my beautiful mother, who devoted her life being more than just a mother, and to all mothers especially those who spend their time fully at home for their family and children, regardless of the qualification and ambitions they have, ignoring criticism and the 'popular' perception of the world that undermines them. May Allah bless! (Don't forget to pray for your parents, they deserve more than just that!)

(Luqman:14.) And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

(al-Ahqaf:15.) We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, "O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favour which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam."

The Value of Motherhood in Islam

by: Fatima Barkatulla - student and mother of sons, aged three and nine months

*ftm: full-timemothers

A man once came to the Prophet Muhammad and asked him "Oh Messenger of God, who amongst the people is the most deserving of my good company?" The Prophet replied "Your mother." The man then asked who came next and the Prophet said again "Your mother." The man yet again asked who came after, and the Prophet yet again replied, "Your mother." The man asked "Then who else?" Then the Prophet said "Your father."

In this way the Prophet made clear to the Muslims that the position of the mother and the honour and esteem in which she is held is paramount and that she is the most deserving of our good treatment and companionship.

In the Qur'an too we see that after devotion to God, parents are the most deserving of our good behaviour and the role of the mother is specifically recognised and praised. When parents reach old age, they are included in the family and should not be neglected and lonely, just as they looked after us when we were helpless children. In this way the cycle of mutual care between parents and children is sustained.

I myself have felt valued and admired as an ftm in the Muslim community, indeed it's something Muslims respect greatly in a woman, but being born and brought up in the UK, I often felt that full-time-motherhood was not only undervalued but barely mentioned as a dignified and desirable option in the Girls' School I went to. I think the reason that people look at motherhood in such different ways boils down to how they view the roles of men and women in general.

In Islam, women and men are equal in the sight of God, but they are different and consequently have different roles to play…both roles are as important as each other and they complement each other. This is the only way a harmonious society can exist: when men are men and women are women; when we embrace our femininity and our nature and stop fighting against it, yearning to be something we are not.

Muslim women have the right to be fully supported because the responsibility for maintenance is fully on the shoulders of the men. In fact when a Muslim woman gets married, she is given a marriage gift as part of her nuptial contract and is given all the required provisions for her welfare and protection. Any wealth she owns or earns personally is her own and is entirely at her disposal and she doesn't have to contribute to the family funds unless she wants to. When my own husband was made redundant a couple of years ago, I was not expected to go out to work and even when funds were low, we budgeted and were patient with the situation until things got better. In fact if things had gotten really bad, other men from our relatives would have helped out. Being an ftm takes precedence and is seen as essential by both of us, as well as our families.

If a mother wants to work or pursue any useful occupations, she may, after mutual consultation between husband and wife. (I myself am studying at home for my degree through an open-college course). But this is if her sacred role as wife and mother is not neglected. Her role as a mother is seen as indispensable to society because the family is a microcosm of society and without her, the future generation would lack the healthy moral conscience that is needed for the success and stability of the individual and the community at large. Children have a right over us and deserve our attention and care.

Apart from the fact that I love my children and love being with them and guiding and teaching them, I hope that God will reward me in this life and the next for being a devoted mother…and this is the Muslim belief - that every good thing a mother teaches her child, every bit of love and compassion she shows them and every sacrifice she makes for them will be rewarded by God, and her reward will increase and increase if her child passes on what she has taught and will keep increasing as long as the effects of what she instilled in him last in generations to come! What a wonderful image! The effect of what we mothers do is like a pebble falling into a lake and causing a great ripple that influences generations after us!

As for education, then Islam sees educating women as absolutely vital! As an Arab Poet says:

The Mother is a School
If you prepare her properly,
You will prepare an entire people of good character.
The Mother is the first Teacher,
The most important of them,
And the best of them.

Need I say more?

selamat hari raya :)

* 'eid sa'eed mubarak

** taqabbalallahu minna wa minkum

*** maaf zahir batin

- lukluk, abuhandzalah + handzalah :) -

busy busy ramadan al kareem!

I can't remember how many times we've had iftar outside and @ home ... thanks to so many good Muslims around and the new students ;) (since they are the reason why most people are hosting iftar for others), I think this time around, Ramadan has really been busy! Busy for bonding, silaturrahm and ukhuwwah acitivities subhanallah ... guess everyone is trying to have their bit done during - it's like racing for khair - and for His pleasure inshaALlah :).

Thinking of the time spent having to be here and there (and of course the other 'waajib' outings for groceries, library, hospital n bla bla bla) there's like so little time spent for other wonderful things in Ramadan - the Qur'an, the sunnah prayers, Qiyam a-lail, dzikr etc. Well, not having the time is one thing, the energy 'left' to do those things when the time is there is also another question ... Not that I would complain about accepting invitations and attending them - as I do realise that it is also a part of a Muslim's duty towards his/her felllow Muslim brothers and sisters ...

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Six are the rights of a Muslim over another Muslim. It was said to him: Allah's Messenger, what are these? Thereupon he said: When you meet him, offer him greetings;when he invites you to a feast accept it. when he seeks your council give him, and when he sneezes and says: "All praise is due to Allah," you say Yarhamuk Allah (may Allah show mercy to you); and when he fails ill visit him; and when he dies follow his bier.

(SahihMuslim)

Strive, strive, strive!

Ramadan has already entered the 2nd phase and that means there's no time left to fool around and sigh! Do not indulge yourself in wishful thinking, just wake up and do those things you need to do ... time and tide waits for NO man ...

dearest self and friends, don't forget to make du'a for all our brothers and sisters out there, at home and everywhere, lets seek His Mercy and strength, and may He reward us with the glorious taqwa and victory against the Kuffar and their allies ... alllahummansur islama wal muslimeen fi anha il-'alam!

don't forget the little sunnahs this ramadan - have a late sahur (well it won't be called sahur eating just before bed) but an early iftar ...

Anas (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Take meal a little before dawn, for there is a blessing in taking meal at that time.
(Sahih Muslim)

'Amr b. al-'As reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The difference between our fasting and that of the people of the Book is eating shortly before dawn.
(Sahih Muslim)

Sahl b. Sa'd (Allah be pleased with him) repotted Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying:
The people will continue to prosper as long as they hasten the breaking of the fast.

(Sahih Muslim)

to those in S'oton Uni, ISOC's free iftar is available (still, mashaALlah ;)) @ Stoneham, Mon-Sat and watch out for interesting talks and speakers on their Saturday events (held @ the same venue) ... InshaALlah this week we'll have brother Abdul Rahim Green (I'm not sure what he'll be talking about but I'll guarantee that it'll be wonderful and beneficial! See you there inshaALlah :)

2:148. To each is a goal to which Allah turns him; then strive together (as in a race) Towards all that is good. Wheresoever ye are, Allah will bring you Together. For Allah Hath power over all things.

* ahadith from the book of Salam and Fasting, Sahih Muslim.

ahlan ya ramadhan!

Keyfa haalukum jamee'an?

How time flies ... and ramadhan is here again! Walhamdulillah :). Muslims in soton are welcoming the first day of ramadhan today (23rd Sept, 2006) ... erm so everyone out there - sotonians - don't forget that there'll be no breakfast and lunch today but the best meal ever inshaAllah during IFTAR :)

* From Abu Hurairah r.anhu, Rasulullah s.a.w said: [Allah Taala rewards one who fasts with TWO happiness, ONE: when he breaks his fast and ANOTHER: when he meets his Creator in the hereafter. Sahih Muslim]

Ramadhan is a path towards attaining and improving our taqwa, not through mere fasting and praying rituals but through the essence which lies beneath the act of fasting and the unique blessings of ramadhan itself.

* 2: 183 "O ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that ye may (learn) self-restraint,-"

The goal of fasting or shall we say the end result we're striving for in the Quest of Ramadhan is self-restraint or Taqwa (which I believe means a lot more than simply self-restraint) has been mentioned clearly by the Almighty, yet attaining what Taqwa really means and enduring its challenges are not as easy as it may seem.

Physical fasting alone might benefit us in many ways as explained by various medical research, but abstaining oneself from the evil within us and the temptations outwards to do things which might be unnecessary - wasteful - lagha, or bad - disobedient - munkar, and increasing our love, devotion and awareness of the Greatest Lord (Allahuakbar), in every step we make, and every breath we take means having a lot (thats A LOTTTT!) of patience and effort to do good and to reject its opposites, and perseverance to be steadfast on our daily pursuit of attaining Taqwa and His pleasure InshaAllah.

Hmm ... this Ramadhan means a lot to me. I hope I can complete the fasting month by fasting because I was not able to have a full 30 days of Ramadhan last time (during my 1st pregnancy). The doctor said I can't no longer fast when Ramadhan was about to end in a week's time then. But InshaAllah (please make du'a for me friends), I hope Allah will bless me with good health and ease my quest to fulfil my little struggle which is still far from enough for this Taqwa journey.

To my family and friends all over the world :), I've been a bit (or was it SOOO) busy lately and blogger went 'kong' for sometime, therefore I had to leave the blog 'unattended' and unupdated. Nonetheless, I hope to be able to put up some informative articles and to let my little mind and heart express their thoughts from time to time so that we can share some good things on the net inshaAllah. Sharing knowledge (at least) is a bit of da'wah everyone can try doing right?

Welcoming any informative/educational emails on any subject from my dearest friends, but NO GOSSIPS or NONSENSE pleaseee ! (and of course, enough of Siti and Datuk K's matter filling my inbox :( - I beg you!)

until this pen writes again, may Allah bless us all with patience, strength and wisdom to endure this quest, to understand why we're here today(in ad-dunyaa) and how we should walk through this worldly life to the path of the everlasting aakhirah ... forgive me for all my wrongdoings and please don't forget us in your du'as, ramadhan kareem mubarak!

Allah Knows Best and we know NOT!

yesterday and today, notes to remember ...

* untuk kak ida @moi, andainya ukhti menjengah saya ... asifah, moga segera dapat kembali berhubung!
---
selalu aku tahu, ingat dan mengerti ... kata-kata alBanna yg bak lafaz wajib semua yg mengenal mujahid besar alIkhwan alMuslimun ini ... "Kewajipan lebih banyak daripada masa yang ada!"

tapi ... aku masih boleh lena dalam tidur yang panjang!

bila arRasul disapa Jibril dengan wahyu pertama, dan dia kembali mendapatkan Khadijah dan menyelimuti seluruh tubuhnya ... didn't ALlah revealed to Him al-Muddaththir?

‘O you (Muhammad [pbuh]) enveloped (in garments)! Arise and warn! And your Lord (Allah) magnify! And your garments purify! And keep away from Ar-Rujz (the idols)!’

[Al-Qur'an 74:1-5]

hmmmppppppppppppppppppppppppppp! and people 'need'ed time for themselves, oh why?

sekadar coretan hari itu, mungkin salah, mungkin benar, ALlah Knows Best and ye know NOT!

----

bahagianya menjadi isteri, dan betapa indahnya kehidupan seorang ibu ...

hanya Tuhan yang tahu!

tapi terkadang, tercuit rasa hati ... memikirkan betapa dan betapa sedikitnya masa untuk diri sendiri. bak kata orang bujang - "they need time for themselves".

mungkin aku sinis, tapi kata seperti itu buat hati berdetik nakal, dan senyum sendiri ;).

membaca kurang. berfikir bila ada kesempatan. bersosial hanya bila online? atau ada yg rajin ziarah ke teratak teman. entahlah, dalam bilik air pun sentiasa bergegas. bimbang lama2 si kecil main sorang2, kalau tak pun awal2 lagi menangis ummi dah 'hilang'. setiap hari bangun tidur, menguruskan suami dan si kecil, masak, membasuh, mengemas bla bla bla bla sampai tidur waktu malam. most of my time - spent with my little child, husband and doing the house chores ...

erm sekejap, si kecil baru balik. anak-anak dara yg rajin tadi singgah sebelum ke kedai dan minta bawa si kecil bersama. aku ok saja. abi pun kata tak apa. si kecil ikut kakak-kakak, abi ke pejabat pula. ummi?

ummi sendiri. bermenung... bila handzalah tak ada ummi pun tak tahu nak buat apa. ummi nak lipat kain, nak gosok baju, nak kemas rumah ... nak, nak, nak tapi semangat tiada. ummi rasa sunyi seluruh jiwa, buah hati ummi kedua-duanya tiada. alahai, baru sekejap saja, ummi sudah serba tak kena!

masa yang ummi harap ada untuk segala kesempatan yg tiada, sudah tiba, tapi tak terasa inginkan apa-apa bila anak ummi dan si dia tak bersama-sama. macamana agaknya hidup untuk diri sendiri? apa ertinya masa untuk sendiri saja? entahlah, diri pun tak mengerti mungkin kerana sedari kecil terdidik untuk hidup bersama dan kerana semua ... dan sebab hidup ini asal dan akhirnya kerana Dia, berkhidmat semampu ada pastilah tujuan kita ...

erm, mungkin sedikit yg aku perlu adalah kekuatan (semangat dari mereka) dan kesanggupan untuk mengorbankan waktu rehat dan lena, untuk kembali mencari ilmu dan mengasah minda malah melaksanakan tuntutan-tuntutan hidup yg lain selain yg termetri dalam rumahtangga ... aku tak perlu masa sendiri saja, malah aku tak inginkannya!

syukurlah andai suami memahami dan meringankan berat beban di bahu kita ... syukurlah dengan anak-anak yg sinar mata mereka menyuluh harap dan ceria di jiwa ...

lukluk menulis akhirnya,
1749pm, 19/5/06

'eid mubarak!

assalamu'alaikum frens,

wishing 'eid mubarak to all - late though!

its already 12 Dzulhijjah :D ... alhamdulillah, we had a modest-but-nice 'Eidul Adha here ... having Uncle Ij around, a nice 'Eid-gift-package arrived one day before the big day *jazakumullah khairal jazaa' to the Sevenlords* plus a nice nasi lemak breakfast with 4 lovely guests on 'Eid morning (and managed to cook rendang 'apa dah jadi?' :D) >> 'Eidul Adha had its own sunshine on me! :)

Handzalah has been coughing (and his nose running badly) for the past few days ... mama would have said, "poor little fella" if she sees him now ... he had a hard time on bed, can't really sleep ... pusing sana sini, mata tak boleh buka tapi nak tidur pun dada tak habis-habis bekerja ... BUT he enjoyed the 'attention' given to him, asking everyone to play with him and pick him up whenever he needs a lift! wah wah ... tak sihat pun kemain aktif lagi anak ummi :) especially now he knows how to climb up the sofas and beds and how to safely get down to the floor again .. erm but 'safely' doesn't mean he could be left without 'adult supervision' - that's TOO DANGEROUS!

this little fella is indeed one of the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me! he's sick yet he plays, smiles and laughs whenever he can (though he cries a lot more than he does usually) ... he still 'dance' - moving his body from left to right and forward - whenever he listens to the rhythm of a song or dzikr ... he babbles around and only consume his favourite dish - which happens to be pasta ;) ... sometimes he's weak and tired, yet he's sooo positive whenever there's energy in his body ...

thinking of how wonderful a little baby could be - due to his innocence to life - expresses his feelings of happiness and frustration freely ... sigh a little less and appreciate every minute of his life exploring, learning and yearning for love, attention and every single thing that he perceives in a positive view and rarely the opposite ...

and i wonder how much we, in our 'living diaries', portrayed negativity and hypocrisy and not to forget ungratefulness for everything we have and need ... how much we sigh and hide ... and how much we pay great attention for things we've lost, things we couldn't get, people we couldn't love and vice versa and so many other little things ... YET FAILED to see, observe and appreciate the greatness of the ni'mah He gives in every single breath we breathe, every single word we utter, everyone we love and loved us, everything we consume, everything gained and everything everything everything ...

how i wonder!