Navigating the Tempest

In memory of my wonderful wife

Some of you know this, but on the afternoon of Wednesday, July 17, 2013, I made an announcement on Facebook that broke my heart.

I cannot begin to express the aching sorrow that flooded my entire being. Over the twenty-nine years that Myra and I were married, we had become one; one mind, one heart, one soul.

August 4, 1984

Until Myra's sweet spirit departed, I did not believe the human heart could survive this level of ache. It is relentless. A gaping hole rests in my chest, open and raw, so deep that I wonder if healing is even possible.

Her death has shattered my very identity. I now must begin the long and arduous struggle to discover who I am without her.

My children have lost their mother and my grandchildren their Maw Maw. And I have lost a wife. She made me complete and whole, better than who I was alone.

My home is now empty. I long for her touch, her laugh and her unconditional love. I yearn to see that smile from across the table, hear her voice over the phone and watch her bounce a grandson on her knee.

I'll never again smell the magic she made in the kitchen or the perfume she'd wear on an evening out. She's no longer there when I turn to share a joke or a dream or a regret.

I will persevere and bravely carry on, for she'd wish nothing less. I'll love our children and grandchildren for the both of us. I'll smile at her memory and weep for what I have lost.

Losing Myra has ushered in the darkest hour of my life. I do not know how long this darkness will last. All I know is that I'm embarking on a new chapter in my life with no idea of what lies ahead. And for the first time in three decades, I'm walking my path alone.

I am angry. I am broken. I am lost. I gave her my solemn vow that I would love and live for us both. I will not break that vow. I'll claw and crawl through each day if I must, but I fear genuine joy will elude me all the days of my life.

Family and friends have overwhelmed me with amazing support. I wear my brave face for them and try to stay strong--whatever that means. But their compassion and prayers do encourage me to face each tomorrow and for that I am thankful.

Death may have taken her from my reach, but nothing can take her from my heart.

To all who are married, I say this: cherish your spouse and make every minute count. It took just over 48 hours for me to go from concerned husband to grieving widower.

My Wife's Obituary

Although I've mentioned Myra in numerous posts, here are a few in which she was prominent:
August is Awesome Because of My Wife Myra
Things For Which I'm Thankful
28 is a Tough Number

Things For Which I'm Thankful

I'm thankful for:

Marrying the most wonderful woman alive. No one loves me more, is more supportive or as proud of me as she is.  I firmly believe that God himself fashioned her just for me.

My children. My wife and I wed believing we'd never have children. God gave us two. I love them with every fiber of my being.

My grandchildren. Bundles of energy, life and laughter, these three boys are. Nothing is sweeter in my ears than hearing them yell for Paw Paw!

Living in the greatest country on the planet.  I love my country, warts and all.  I served it as a member of the armed forces.  I vote in every election.  I take my freedom seriously.

My job. Despite the frequently excessive hours and often taxing demands, it pays our bills and I enjoy the work.

My health.  Two bouts with disability and a series of surgeries is enough to remind me that my health could always be worse. I'm mobile, productive and thankful to be so.

And I'm thankful to have met so many wonderful writers and bloggers.  I've found kindred spirits, die-hard supporters, voices of reason and wisdom, and folks who inspire just by being their awesome selves.

For these and so many more things, I'm thankful, not just today, but every day.

To every last one of you, I wish a most Happy Thanksgiving!

August is Awesome Because of Cristina dos Santos

Today's awesome guest is one I've actually had the pleasure of meeting in person.  She and I attended Orson Scott Card's writing workshop a couple months back.  While I attended the first two days, Uncle Orson chose her to be among the select few to attend the following four-day workshop. (Yes, a congrats to Cristina is in order for that!)

Cristina's family is blessed to have a wife and mother awesome enough to prioritize her life.  Yes, we love writing and most of us have big dreams and ambitions, but those who are wise prioritize.

Please welcome the awesome Cristina dos Santos!

 

Carving Out Writing Time

by Cristina dos Santos

Two years ago when I decided that I was going to be serious about my writing, I never imagined how difficult it'd be to actually find the time to write. I thought that with being a stay at home mom--between naptime and late night hours and plenty of random quiet minutes throughout the day--I'd be a writing machine.

But somehow, with all that "free time"(ha!) I was still struggling to get enough words down to move my story along--managing only about a couple hundred words a day. And then, there there were days when I couldn't get any words down, because you know, life happens, and two little people can keep you super busy. And apparently, I'm a super slow writer though I blame that on my inner editor.

Cristina's Inner Editor

At one point, I started to feel discouraged. On the days I wasn't getting any writing done, I was feeling like maybe I wasn't cut out for this; and on the days when I was getting it done, I was feeling guilty because it was at the cost of time with my children. And as serious as I am about my writing, I don't want to ever look back at my life and feel like I missed out on time with my babies (they are only this little for such a short amount of time, you know?)

But I wasn't going to give up either. So I tried all kinds of schedules and in the process I learned a whole lot about myself as a writer: I learned that I can't write in short spurts because my brain needs time to ease into the zone. I'm useless late in the day and at night. I need sleep or I can't function. I'm never ever going to write a book in two weeks ;) Writing first thing in the morning gets my brain in the zone--and this has changed everything for me.

When I start my days with writing, I'm able to write more (I'm averaging between 1000 and 1500 a day, huge improvement) and the actual writing is better because my brain is rested. I now get up at 5 am, before my family, so that I have uninterrupted writing time. I find that if my brain goes into that place as soon as it wakes up, it stays there all day. So even though I have to stop after an hour or two to tend to the rest of my life, I can ease right into it throughout the day.

Who doesn't love sleep?

It also means that I need to get to bed at a reasonable time, so my brain is rested and alert in the morning. Sleep is so important for our general health. You can't write books if you're sick, right? And, I need days off or I burn out. So I write for 4-5 days straight, and then take a day off and sleep in.

And, besides getting those words on paper at a pace that feels good and keeps me excited about my story, I'm not shushing my kids, telling them to go find something to do, or that I'll play with them later because I'm busy. And that is worth getting up every day before the sun and the birds!

I'd love to hear from all of you. How do you find the time to write?

About Cristina dos Santos:

Cristina dos Santos is awesome!

Cristina dos Santos, when not being a wife or mother, is writing YA fantasy/paranormal stories and reading as many books as she can get her hands on. And that's about all she does with her time and is not complaining. Not one bit.

Visit her Once Upon a Time blog.