Homesick

My journey through grief has now lasted three years. Three years with a chunk of your heart in a place so distant, so unreachable, seems an eternity. I close my eyes and remember her smile, her laughter, and her embrace. The tangibles now are photographs, dresses in the wardrobe, and the smell of her perfume that I keep on the nightstand beside the bed. They're pale shadows of what was and reminders of the hope of what will be.

Three years on this journey since I first asked God "Why?" and I'm finally now no longer crippled. The void inside me no longer causes my chest to crumble and collapse. The ache of her absence no longer saps the entirety of my essence in an unrelenting tempest.

Finally, after three long years, I have begun to discover the true "me after we" and am able to accept that the "me after we" has value, purpose, and hope. The "me" is better for having been "we" and can finally say with confidence, "I will live." The "me" will always miss and long for the "we", but the "me" will survive.

I see storm clouds ahead of me on this road, but I see storm clouds behind me as well. I found my way through those and have faith that I'll find my way through those to come. The mountains and valleys and ravines waiting for me are not the first I've faced. I'll slip and stumble and scrape my knees, but the road stretches onward and I've resolved to walk it to its end.

The vow of "forever" is still "forever" and carries no regret. I will hold fast the heart she entrusted to me until my final breath. I'll always be homesick for where my heart is and that's okay. I will never know on this side of eternity the answer to the question of "Why?" but I'll forever carry gratitude for the time that "me" was "we."

Homesick - Mercy Me

Elizabeth Seckman's Visit Is What Fate Intended

I love having the wonderful--and wonderfully talented--Elizabeth Seckman visit anytime. She's cream of the crop, but then you guys already know that. Elizabeth has been on tour promoting Fate Intended and was gracious enough to make a stop here.

Please welcome one of Charlie's Scribes.

Hello Jeff. I know losing your love, Myra, has been a heavy weight on you, but I'm glad you're back. We all love you and offer up some big virtual hugs.

When I was thinking of topics for this stop, one kept jumping into my head.

I'd think, nah...people will think I’m crazy.

But the thought wouldn't go away, so I am going to share it.

I believe in Heaven.

Heaven with a capital H. Like it's so real to me, I think it should have a zip code. 

My big brother, Grub (nickname...goofy family...enough said?), was an atheist most of his adult life. 

When he was diagnosed with an advanced stage, highly aggressive cancer, he remained stubbornly entrenched in his "the Bible is a fairy tale" thinking. Talk of religion would so infuriate him...he even cussed a nun who came to pray with him.

So, I kept my mouth shut and prayed God would intervene.

One day I went to the hospital to visit him and he was sitting with this little old man. The old fella was iconic West Virginia good old boy...complete with worn blue jeans and suspenders. The man stood as I came in and said it was time for him to go, but would my brother pray with him before he left?

I thought, Oh, boy…poor old fella is going to get an earful. But, without hesitation, my brother said yes. He winked at me and said, "Come on Grits (another crazy nickname…seriously, what is wrong with my family?) come on over here and pray with us."

Shocked doesn't cover it. I was stunned. I went over and took his hand and the old fella’s hand and the tears just started rolling. I wanted to ask, but didn’t dare…was he being polite (and feeling guilty for the nun) or was he having a change of heart?

After the man left, he told me:

I'm only saying this once, and I don't want any I told you so's. I just think you should know...when everyone leaves at night, I'm not alone. I suppose you'd call Him Jesus, or whatever, but at night, He's here with me. I can see Him. I can touch Him. Now that could be the crazy sh*t they're dosing me with before bed, but to me, He’s as real as you are. I think I understand what you’ve been nagging me about for so long. Now, that’s all I’m saying. It’s personal, between me and Him.

So, why does my big brother meeting Jesus make me believe there is a Heaven? Well, because Jesus said there was a Heaven, and if He is making hospital calls, then He is real.


Fate Intended is the third book in the Coulter Men Series.  Trip is the last of the Coulter sons to find love. He’s a handsome man with all the skills a young spy needs to succeed. But when it comes to love, he misses the target. Jane is a sweet beauty who may or may not be wanted for murder. She’s hiding out as a cleaning lady when chance brings her and Trip together. It looks like a happily ever after is in the cross hairs until reality tries to destroy what fate has intended.

Elizabeth Seckman is a simple chick with a simple dream…to write stories people want to read.

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Sunday Surfing and Deepest Gratitude

Happy Anniversary, Myra.

Please allow me to start this post by conveying my sincerest, deepest gratitude to everyone who has expressed their condolences, thoughts, prayers and sympathies to my family and me over the past two-and-a-half weeks.

You cannot know how much they have helped, especially with so many coming on the same day I had to pick up the death certificates. I'm so grateful to DL Hammonds, Alex Cavanaugh and Al Diaz for their respective roles in making the "Blitz" such a special blessing.

Today is August 4th, our anniversary, the 29-year milestone, and the first with us apart.

I picked up a card to celebrate just as I've always done. Within it, I spilled my heart just as I always have. I'm unable to hand it to her this year and I don't know Heaven's mailing address. I am therefore putting it on my blog. Surely Heaven has wi-fi.

Even through the ache of loss, my love for you remains.

(Click to enlarge)

Now, for the surfing.

Please note that as time progresses, I should be able to raise the quantity of links back up to their original level. I'm still taking baby steps for now. I'm way behind on my visiting, but I do plan to catch up soon.

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"than I" and "than me"

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