And that's why they closed...

DH and I decided to have lunch at Bishop's at Southpark Mall yesterday.  The last time we ate there was before we moved to California.  But I had a B1G1F coupon and Bishop's French Silk pie sounded awesome.

After we ate, we walked around the mall and were amazed at how many stores were no longer in business. I guess traffic at the mall just isn't what it used to be.

I pointed at one such store by the name of "G Spot" that was obviously empty.  Quick-witted DH responded "It probably closed because nobody could find it."

Knock it off; I'm trying to win!

Deliveries from FedEx and UPS are almost a daily thing now thanks to the success of SAHM Reviews.  I'm like a kid in a candy store because I never know what is going to show up on my doorstep.  If you haven't been over to my review blog, be sure to check it out - I am constantly giving stuff away and all it takes is leaving a comment.

Well, today we were all sitting on the couch playing a family game of Viva Pinata Party Animals.  I never do great at it, but it's fun.  Today, I was on an upswing as we went into the final round.  Miss M said "This is the last one." Then DH replied "The last one?"  She said yes.  Then this happened...

DH:  "Honey, FedEx is here."  He knows that I pretty much drop everything to find out what has been delivered.

Me:  "Sure they are." Uh huh. FedEx doesn't deliver on Saturdays. Nice try.

DH:  "No, really. He just pulled up."

I didn't believe him.  Figured it was some kind of ploy to throw me off my game.  I don't know but I didn't budge.  When we finished playing, he immediately went to the door and came back with a package. 

Apparently, I'm totally off my game because I usually can tell if he's trying to pull a fast one.  Maybe I need some caffeine.

And in case you're curious, it was Dei Fratelli pasta sauce and salsa - keep an eye on SAHM Reviews for the review.

Things Not to Brag About

I'm making a list of things NOT to brag about.  First on the list:
"Sorry to hear you have jury duty.  We've been back in Iowa for a few years and I haven't been served yet."

Viola.  Jury Summons showed up in today's mail.

Anyone care to add anything else to my list.  I don't feel like jinxing myself again.

I Can't Spell; Can't Fudge the Time. What CAN I do?

I've been so excited about Miss M finally learning to read. She's only in Kindergarten but already reading Level 3 books. She can pick up just about any book on her bookshelf and fly through it. I'm so proud of her!

However...When Miss M first started reading, I realized I couldn't just spell stuff for DH any more. She was figuring it out. So I started getting more cryptic with my conversations when she was around. Instead of "I need to go to T-R-U for her p-r-e-s-e-n-t" I had to switch it around to "I need to stop by that place over off x street to pick up the you-know-what."

Well, we just celebrated her birthday this past weekend. She's 6 (OMG)! We had some errands to run tonight then stopped out for dinner before returning home. On our way back home, we had the following conversation:
Miss M: "Mom, can we play in your bathtub tonight?" (My bathtub is a tad bigger and more conducive to 'swimming' in.)
Me: "Sorry, honey. It's late and we don't have time."
Miss M: "Mom, it's only 6:43. My bedtime isn't until 8 o'clock. There's plenty of time."
DH: About to get us into an accident because he's trying so hard not to bust a gut laughing.
Me: Speechless to Miss M. Glaring at DH. "What's so funny?"
DH: "She can tell time now. You can't get away with that any more."

So I can't spell. I can't tell her there isn't enough time before bed. What's next?  Someone lend me some new tricks to use, please! 

My 6 year old is making me feel stupid.

Some Things Just Backfire

I hate to say it, but we're going to need to lock Miss M in the house when she gets a little older.  When she started the Mommy & Me class when she was two, there was only one other girl in the class.  It was virtually all boys.  The preschool at three... she was the ONLY girl.  Then preschool at four... same thing.  Last year she had a few girls in her class but her favorite friends were boys.  She enjoys hanging around with the boys because that is what she's used to.

Now that she's in Kindergarten, we're hearing how she 'loves' a few certain boys.  Her teacher jokes that she's bossy to one of them - "Hurry up, Sam. Do this, Sam."  And Sam just shakes his head and does what she says.  They eat lunch together, they sit together on the bus.  They're dating, I swear.

Near the beginning of the school year, Miss M came home one day and claimed that "Sam tried to kiss me."  Oh, and she giggled.  I'm so not looking forward to the real dating years.  Anyway, DH says to her "You tell Sam that he can't kiss you until he buys you a ring."  He drilled it into her head - and Miss K's too. They both said okay.

I'm not sure whether to say "fortunately" or "unfortunately" but they've recited it to their classmates.  We know because their parents have told us... and they laughed.  And we laughed.

Until...

Miss M came home yesterday proudly showing off the ring that Sam gave her.

We never expected it to backfire on us... let alone this quickly.

The Giraffe Must Die!

Note from Nicole:  This is a guest post from DH.  Enjoy!

Toy stores.  What red-blooded American doesn’t love a store that sells absolutely nothing that you need, but almost everything that you want?  I can now put myself on the short, but growing list of consumers that dreads hearing the “I’m a Toys “R” Us Kid” jingle. My recent visit to our local store has prompted me to write an open letter to Mr. Gerald Storch, CEO of Toys “R” Us.

Dear Mr. Storch:

I recently enjoyed an article on businessweek.com that highlighted the successes you have had in your short tenure as CEO of Toys “R” Us.  Many of the great changes you have made with store redesigns, new management and superstore openings are sure to increase the bottom line of your new private investors/owners.  However, I want you to be aware of some of the ever-intrusive policies and procedures that are turning away customers every day.

1.      “May I have your Zip Code?” For years, I have been asked that question at checkout at the beginning of the transaction, and I reluctantly gave the information knowing that it was probably being used simply to gauge which customers were going to which store. I always felt uncomfortable giving this information out, but did so knowing that if you wanted to come to my house to take back the Monopoly game I just bought, you’d have to go door-to-door in a large area to find me. But, this has changed – leading me to…

2.      “May I have your Phone Number with area code?” This has replaced #1 at the checkout line, and I will refuse to volunteer this information every time.  Please understand, the ONLY person I want to hear this question from is a 19yr old co-ed, preferable one who received some type of ‘augmentation’ for her 18^th birthday.  I do not want that number given/sold/traded to some overseas marketing company so they may call during dinner to tell me about the upcoming sale on Tickle Me Elmos. I also do not wish to be contacted by a survey company asking how my shopping experience was.  And I certainly don’t want all of my purchases to be associated with a phone number – I like my family to be surprised on Christmas Day, not have the ability to find out what Dad purchased last week/month/year.  And most of all, I do not want ANY grief from the cashier when I politely decline to provide this information.

3.      “Would you like to join the Birthday Club?” Quite honestly, the birthday club is a nice bonus. My girls love spending the $3.00 gift card sent to them each year. BUT…what is it with the overachieving attempts to get everyone who walks through the door signed up for it?  I’m guessing they get a bonus for most signups? On my last visit with my daughters, I was asked SIX TIMES by FOUR EMPLOYEES to sign my girls up for the club. Yes, two of the employees asked me twice in different parts of the store! This was all in the span of a 20 minute visit! Just take one or two of those employees and park them in a checkout lane so the rest of the customers don’t have to use the customer service line to check out.  Oh, and the last time I took my daughter to spend her gift card (wearing her TRU birthday crown and carrying her free balloon), yep you guessed it, an employee asked me if I’d like to sign her up for the birthday club…

4.      “May I have your age?” What?!  I’m not buying liquor!  And even if I was, I am 40 years old and look every bit of 39.  I haven’t been carded in a bar in over a decade – why do I need to provide my age to buy a video game?  I was actually asked this question, along with #1 and #2 in the same transaction – so the teller wanted my zip code, phone number and age! And she wasn’t 19!  Frustrated, I asked if next she’d want a background check and a urine sample. She didn’t laugh.  Neither did I.

5.      “Service Plans” Which brings me to the last item that put me over the top and the reason for writing this diatribe.  In an effort to beat the holiday rush, I stopped by one of your stores to pick up a couple board games as presents from Santa for my daughters. After declining to provide my phone number, the gal at the register begin ringing me up.  Mind you, the ONLY thing I was buying was three common board games (Monopoly Jr., etc.). After each one she asked me, “Would you like to buy a service plan to cover this game?”  I was dumbfounded and completely speechless.  In the past I laughed as overpriced service plans made their way from $2,000 television purchases all the way down to $16 alarm clocks. But a service plan on a non-electronic board game?! What exactly is this plan supposed to cover? If I lose one of the Community Chest cards, will I get a new one? When I step on the box cover, tearing the corner, will just the cover be replaced?  Or will the whole box? Will I have to mail it in first and hope it is not rejected for “abnormal wear and tear”?  Each and every game I bought, the computer prompted the teller to ask me this question. When she saw how ludicrous I thought this offer was, she joked too, “yeah, they make us ask that, but I don’t understand it either. This is a cardboard item – what exactly is this policy supposed to cover?”  At least she didn’t give me grief about not giving my phone number.

I know all of these procedures probably had some reasoning behind them when implemented, and I’m betting they were all instituted by different departments, as no one in their right mind would subject their customers to all of these questions/etc. in one visit on purpose.  So forget the remodels and train the new management to give the consumer an enjoyable shopping experience, not an inquisition.

Sincerely,

Scott B.

I’m not expecting miracles from this post, but it does feel better to get it all out in the open. For now I’m buying my toys on Amazon...oh wait…they want my address and phone number too…

He's NOT my boyfriend

I realize I haven't been posting much lately.  It's partially because I've been uninspired and partially because I've had other things clouding my brain.  I really haven't been myself lately.  When I have found a few minutes of clarity, I've spent it working on SAHM Reviews, my review site.  I've been getting some really great stuff to review along with some fun extras to give away to my readers.  I didn't realize how addicting and overwhelming it would become.

Before I go any further, let me tell you something about my personality.  I put a great deal of value on a person's name.  If I say "Hello" to someone, I like to be able to address them by name.  It's more personal and more inviting.  When someone new starts taking the same class as me at the gym, I'm the first one to ask her name.  Whether it be the top executive or the janitors, at work or a social location, I try to learn their names.   It's something I've always done and I think it makes people feel important.  And it makes me smile to know that they care enough to address me by name, too. 

I've known my mail lady's name since we moved here.  Each time we relocated, I would wait by the mailbox on one of the first days so that I could introduce myself.  But it wasn't until I started getting stuff several times a week that I realized I didn't know the name of the UPS driver yet, the Fedex driver or the DHL driver.

But the other day, UPS showed up with a package I've been anxiously awaiting.  The truck pulled up outside and DH jokingly yelled "Honey, your boyfriend is here."  Followed immediately by both my girls yelling "Mom, your boyfriend is here!"

Yes, he brings me stuff.  Yes, I look forward to his arrival.  But good grief, he ISN'T my boyfriend.  I don't even know his name!

...Yet.

Thank goodness for 15 wonderful years of marriage and a husband that can joke about the UPS guy being my boyfriend.

One Photographer. One Gold Digger.

We went a different route this year for the 4th and headed to a small festival near where the fireworks would be on display. Typically, we go to a large open area a few blocks further outside the worst of the chaos-zone but this year I suggested we try something new.

By 7:30 when we arrived, they were already shutting down all the bouncers and other kids activities. Since there wasn't anything for the girls to do, we pulled out our blanket and chairs and set up camp with two hours to go before the fireworks would begin. I had not brought anything for the kids to do since I figured we would be killing time at the festival. They entertained themselves for the most part, but when Miss M asked if she could take a picture with my camera, I said "okay." After a few botched shots, she actually pulled off a good one.On the flip side... The other night at dinner, DH decided to have a conversation with the girls about what they could be when they grow up. Astronaut, doctor, judge, banker. He would say something in-between bites and the girls would ask what "that" was. He would explain it and they would respond whether it sounded good or not. I apparently appeared to be spacing off and in true jokester fashion, in an attempt to see if I was paying attention inserted "Gold Digger" into the list. Yes, I was listening and no, milk did not come out of my nose. Miss K asked "What's that?" to which he replied "Someone who digs in the ground and finds gold and jewels." "Oooh! I want to be THAT. What was it called?" So he repeated it and so did she. At bedtime that night, she reiterated that she wanted to be a gold digger when she grew up and dig jewelry and gold out of the ground. The following day, she proudly told me AGAIN. Followed by the desire to tell her Grandmas about her new found interest. Since she is going to be seeing one Grandma tomorrow and the other in a few weeks, I figured I better be proactive about the story!

Think I'll go charge the battery in the metal detector so she can start practicing.

Off to the Restaurant Bathroom. Again.

While we were out to lunch yesterday, Miss M announced "I need to use the potty."

Sigh. Even if we use the one at home right before we leave, she needs to use the one at the restaurant. This has been going on for quite a while. Sometimes she genuinely needs to go while other times she just comments on the decor.

But a few months ago when we were traveling and it kept happening over and over - and she wasn't actually going - I asked her if she wasn't feeling well or if she just wanted to see the bathroom. She answered honestly, "I just like to see it."

So yesterday at lunch when she just wanted to see the bathroom, I was a bit miffed. She used the restroom at home not 10 minutes earlier. My MIL is visiting from out of town and I was pulled away from the conversation for Miss M's sightseeing trip. Can't really second guess a child's request for a bathroom break, so off we went. When we returned to the table, I grumbled "She just wanted to see the bathroom."

DH responded "Don't complain. Maybe she's going to be a famous bathroom designer some day."

Following a brief pause, he continued "...or a senator."

Hookers, A Gay Biker and Disney. Oh My!

Saturday was movie night and we decided to watch Enchanted. Before I say anything else, I want to explain that it's an adorable movie, leaving you smiling and wanting to dance around the room. Well, at least the girls and I wanted to dance around the room... I better not speak for DH. I can say that without a doubt, all four of us enjoyed the movie.

The scene we (as in DH and I) found particularly interesting was when Giselle, the main character, first arrived in New York City. We watched as she wandered around aimlessly in the late hours of the night. DH shockingly said "I can't believe they just showed H-O-O-K-E-R-S in a Disney movie! Walt must be turning in his grave!"

A little while later, on a door to door quest in search of Giselle, Prince Edward encountered a variety of people... one of which was a very large biker looking dude that got all excited when he opened the door to find Prince Edward standing there.

The movie was excellent and these little bouts of adult humor were a bonus. We were just surprised and figured Walt Disney would probably be too! But if you're looking for a good family movie, be sure to check it out!

Jelly and Manners Sandwich Please

At lunchtime yesterday, I was trying to get Miss K to decide what she wanted to eat. I gave her the usual list of jelly sandwich, bologna, nuggets, etc. She proudly proclaimed "I want a jelly and (struggling) may-hners sandwich, please."

Dumbfounded, I asked "Manners? That's when you ask politely."
She furrowed her brow and said "I did say please."
I agreed and I told her that, then said "One jelly sandwich coming right up!"
She immediately corrected me. "No, jelly and may-hners."
After a few 'Who's on first' loops, I finally figured that she knew exactly what she wanted and I just had to get more details or make her show me. So I asked "Is 'may-hners' something you eat?"
She giggled and responded "yeeesss" as if I was teasing her. (Little did she know that I was completely clueless.)
"Is it in the cabinet or the fridge?"
"Fridge."
So I picked her up and opened the refrigerator door. She looked around on the shelves, pointed and said "It's right there."
Duh. "Ooohh! Mayonnaise!"
Miss K repeated: "Mayor-nays." After about 5 minutes of repeating it, she finally had it. "Mayonnaise!"

How could I not know that my ketchup-hating, mayonnaise-loving child was trying to say she wanted a jelly and mayonnaise sandwich? Maybe because, well, repeat after me "Jelly and mayonnaise." Nope. They don't go together.

Yes, I talked her out of it because I didn't feel like making two sandwiches and I didn't feel like heeding my own advice this time. Jelly and Manners sandwich sounds much more appetizing.

They Must Have Given Me The Wrong Baby

I've decided that Miss K is NOT mine. The hospital obviously mixed things up and sent me home with the wrong child.

Let me explain…

Miss K and I were playing yesterday afternoon while Miss M was still napping. We have a Little People castle and she repeatedly insisted that the Little People not get to play in it. They were banished from the castle to the land of toy box… as she has done on previous occasions. Dora, Snow White and the princess cake toppers (you know, the set from the birthday cake) have castle priority even though Dora has her own castle.

So I finally just asked Miss K if she was tired of the little people and if we needed to get rid of them. She said "Yes, we need to get rid of them." Hmmm. I asked about her interest in the Little People castle and she said she wasn't done with it. She hasn't played with the actual Little People for a while, so I thought it was a good opportunity to throw the Little People Bus and Ferris wheel sets into the yard sale stack. As I was gathering the pieces up to take to the basement, she proceeded to go through the toy box and tell me what other toys to get rid of. THAT'S when I realized something was fishy. I lean to the side of packrat on most occasions and typically only purge when it's obvious that something has to go.

Then I started thinking. She likes to shop for shoes and pretty dresses. I, on the other hand, hate shopping for clothes for myself.

Hand her a dust rag or broom and away she goes. We've already discussed my propensity for cleaning, so we don't need to rehash it.

Thank goodness, like me, she has a really big sweet tooth and is great at jigsaw puzzles (Age 3 and doing 150 piece puzzles) otherwise I would be on the phone with the hospital right now asking where MY child is.

Quote of the Day: Thoughts on Alcohol

While traveling, we passed by a restaurant/bar that had previously been home to a church. How nice that someone wanted to save the building from the wrecking ball, but I couldn’t help but comment “Something doesn’t seem right about a church being turned into a bar.”

DH asked “Alcohol isn’t a sin, is it?”

Knowing I was being set up, I said “No, we drink it every Sunday at church.”

Quick-witted that he is, he replied “Jesus turned water into wine, isn’t he the original brewmaster?”

I laughed and said “Did you just call Jesus a brewmaster?”

His response was “Oh, sorry. It was wine so I guess that would make him a vintner then.”

DH always has a way of putting things into perspective.

Air is NOT Free

After reading the dictionary request that Heather made today, I laughed and mentioned it to my husband. Generally, I don't air my grievances with him on my blog but I agree that the "Duhsband" things he does or says are fair game… In our case, the act or statement is usually followed by me yelling "Don't teach the kids THAT." As I mentioned in my comment on her post, DH pointed out the other day that my newest threatening phrase is "Be careful what you say, you may end up as a blog post."

Case in point… today while I was eating lunch and trying to read the paper, DH decided to try to get the kids riled up. Sidebar. I just had an Aha! Moment… seems that DH gets into the most mischief with our girls while I am in the process of attempting to consume food. (No jokes on how often I'm actually consuming food.) End sidebar. The girls started giggling; I looked up from the paper and DH, who had been hovering near me, jumped away. I think he was putting rabbit ears on me. This continued for a few minutes, off and on. As I attempted to swat him away like a fly, he said "Hey girls, watch how I make Mom mad." He then proceeded to wave his hands all around my head hollering "Air is free! Air is free!" "Arrghh! Stop that! Don't teach the girls that!" Then in a sinister voice, he looks back at the girls (who are about to choke from laughing while eating their mac and cheese), says "watch this" and puts his finger in his mouth. I have two brothers and know full well that the finger-in-the-mouth motion requires immediate defensive maneuvers. Thank goodness I was wearing a sweatshirt that was baggy enough to pull up to cover my ears… while I was simultaneously yelling "DON'T teach the girls THAT!"

As he walked away, he said "I know; I'm going to end up being a blog post. Why don't you call it Air is NOT free."

And here we are. At least he's fun and knows how to be silly, so I really can't complain. He really is the best.

Funny Quote of the Day

Okay, I have to say thanks to Miss K's preschool teacher for the good giggle this afternoon. She obviously had a tough day at school because I received the following email from her:

This is a test. Please e-mail me back by Friday if you have not received this.

Poor thing. Anyone not receiving it isn't going to know that they're supposed to email her back because they didn't receive the notification to do so! Hope she gets as good a laugh out of it as I did!