Is Candy Pregnant?

A couple of weeks ago, my nanny called me up in the morning on her day off to shriek, "Turn on your TV!! You didn't tell me your niece was pregnant!" Dutifully, I turned on Channel 11, and there was Candy, big as a heifer in a maternity outfit. After the brief segment on some hot new designer's looks for Spring/Summer 2008, I turned off the TV and dialed my mother, Candy's grandmother.

"Is Candy pregnant? She was just on TV and she's as big as a house. How could you know this and not tell me?!"

Grandmom answers, "I don't know, dear...let me give her mother a call and see what I can find out."

Now, at 83 years of age, Grandmom's vision isn't the best, so when she hit the little speed dial number on her cell phone, she accidentally hit the number for Candy instead of speed dialing my sister. At 83 years of age, Grandmom's hearing isn't the best, so when Candy had answered the phone, Grandmom didn't notice that is was not my sister speaking. "Is Candy pregnant?" Grandmom demanded to know, "Roxy saw her on TV and says she's as big as a house! She's five months along if she's a day."

Oh, how mortifying for your friend Roxy. As it turns out, Candy insists that she's just put on a little weight since the wedding, thanks to her new hubby's terrific cooking. A likely story! And the maternity clothes? "Empire waists are all the rage in New York these days. Candy would know about fashion," says Grandmom. Candy at least had a sense of humor about the whole thing, and harkened back to the time a couple of years ago when she was very single, very thin, and very embarrassed when Al Roker asked her when she was due. Thankfully, they were not on the air at the time.

All of this (well, except the Al Roker part) would never have happened if one of us had just given Grandmom a Jitterbug cell phone for Christmas.

Instead of creating and/or amplifying our senior moments, Jitterbug cell phones are easy to use and include live, friendly, helpful customer service. Jitterbug has 24-hour operators who will help Grandmom to manage her phone contacts, even dial calls for her. The phones are simple, with bigger, backlit buttons. Bright, large text. The powerful speaker sounds it out loud and clear. Plus, Jitterbug is affordable, even for Grandmom. Service starts at just $10 a month, with no long distance or roaming fees and no contracts with fine print to worry about.

Grandmom can also accessorize her Jitterbug phone...check out the Jitterbug web site to add a phone charger (order today to get a free car charger, though maybe Grandmom shouldn't be driving), extra batteries, a black leather case, red beaded lanyard, and other goodies that will get you into the Daughter or Granddaughter of the Month Club.

Grammy Called the Doctor and the Doctor Said....

Oh, my....I think it's time to get Rex's mom a new cell phone, maybe a Jitterbug, and here's why....

Grammy came over last weekend before Rex's knee surgery, and had the following story to tell (remember, it is all our fault).

Grammy: You would not believe what happened with that silly cell phone you bought for me. I was trying to call the doctor and must have mis-dialed, although I programmed all my numbers in just like you showed me.

Grammy: Let's see, Dr. Johnson, 973-555-1212.

Cellphone: Dialing 973-555-2121.

Emperor's Club Escort Service: Emperor's Club, Taniqua speaking.

Grammy: Yes, I'd like to make an appointment.

Emperor's Club Escort Service: What did you have in mind?

Grammy: Something on Thursday, as late in the afternoon as possible, to check out my breasts and you know, my lady parts. The usual.

Emperor's Club Escort Service: We can set it up for five o'clock on Thursday. How much are you willing to pay?

Grammy: I believe I've got a $250 deductible, but I haven't been in at all this year.

Emperor's Club Escort Service: Well, that will only get you one of our two-diamond girls for about an hour. How about Kristen? She'll don a slinky dress and very high heels, and you can both appreciate the refinements. We will need the money up front. Can you wire it to our account in the Caymans?

Grammy (not hearing much of what Taniqua said except the part about wiring the money): This is very unusual. Can't I just give you my $25 co-pay when I get there?

Emperor's Club Escort Service: Twenty-five bucks won't get you in the door with any of our girls. Governor Spitzer had no problem with our wire transfer arrangements.

Grammy: Why was Governor Spitzer seeing a gynecologist??

Emperor's Club Escort Service: [hangs up]

To avoid experiences like this with a cell phone designed for the younger generation, Jitterbug has created a simpler cell phone with a whole new experience that puts customers first. The Jitterbug phone is easy to use and includes friendly, helpful service. They'll take the time to help you or your Grammy out when you're having a senior moment. The phone itself makes it easier: Simple. Bigger, backlit buttons. Bright, large text. A powerful speaker that delivers the message loud and clear, so no case of mistaken identity.

Jitterbug's customer support: Helpful. Live, friendly 24-hour Jitterbug operators can make calls for you, provide directory assistance and add names to your phone list. Leave it to Jitterbug to help Grammy program her phone so she doesn't have to blame you for her dialing mistakes.