And here I am again

I drugged up again, and slept for 12 hours, so I should be caught up. Hopefully, I've re-set my sleep cycle. Last night I stayed up late, but got up at 8, so that's cool. I just have to do that again tomorrow because I must get out of the house. I actually have errands that need running, and Annie doesn't bitch much, she'll take care of stuff for me, but I need to take care of myself a bit. So, putting on the big girl panties and leaving the farm tomorrow, wish me luck..

Here I Am

Been a minute, cuz I had to take a minute, or a week. I'm serious about everything hurting. I'm taking more drugs sitting at home than I did when I was working because shit. Boob is good in a couple of weeks, nope. Finally told, warm stuff is good, moves the fluid around. I've seen so many docs, and their people, and I just don't know anymore. I was surprised my surgeon scrip for pain pills, and my regular supply, got filled. So, last night, besides a shitload of booze, I took drugs and CBD oil. I slept for about 6 hours. Better than usual. Funny thing is, I got out of the house today because I needed bread. Beer, smokes, not a priority, I wanted some toast dammit.

Evertything Hurts

Boob hurts, back hurts, pretty much all I do is sit on the couch drink beer, and smoke. I think I'm about done. Annie asked about my drugs, yep, got enough I'll sleep 23 hours of the day, but I'd rather drink for 12 instead. Apparently this has been on my mind. Annie asked if I took my drugs, if I'd drink less. Yep, if I take everything I'm supposed to, I'll really sleep all the damned time. I'm doing my own pain management with the booze, at least I have a minute of a real life every day.

So, It's A New Day

I'm hiding from work. Surgery has worked for a minute, I need to find another reason to not go back there. I see the new Dr. next week about treatment, so hopefully that will give me a few more weeks. I have a message in to my pain Dr. to get an MRI because my back hurts like a mofo. I just can't anymore. Hellmart was never a good fit for me, but I'm just so tired, and so sick of people, I'm done. Trying to do the leave of absence thing to keep my insurance a little longer. Fingers crossed new Doc will fill out that paperwork while I have treatment. Also asked pain Doc to get a scan for my back because I shouldn't hurt this much so, it's a wait and see thing.

Let's Go Ahead and Throw This Out There

Dad's losing his shit. His Sister just died of Alzheimer's a few days ago. If anyone told him, he didn't tell me. Mom did. It still amuses me that they've been divorced most of my life, but she knows what's going on with his family. Since his Mom had it, and my Aunt, and he's not quite right, I'm a bit scared about that too. None of this bodes well for me, since my brain isn't what it used to be either. I told Annie since I have a break before starting treatment, I'm gonna try to go spend a few days with him. All he has is me and the Step-nephew. Step and I have had a conversation lately about all this, cause Dad is afraid he's gonna end up in a home, and none of us want that, but I can't take care of him because of the shape I'm in, Step has a semi-new wife and very new baby, so there's that. The big deal is Dad has a beautiful house on a lake, and rather than sell the place, for whatever reason, I'd like to leave it to Step's kids because he, and they, have grown up there. I can't take care of it, and the money won't do me any good for long because I'm getting a bit long in the tooth, and let's face it, my health ain't great. Babysis is actually my half sister, not that we've ever differentiated there, but Step's family belongs to StepMom, who was always wonderful, so I have that family, and Mom's family if you get me. It's all complicated. All this because Annie doesn't want me to go spend a few days because she's worried about me, and I'm worried about everything else, and Damn, it sucks to get old and have older parents. So, I've vented for today, we may have more whining, or mayhem tomorrow. You never know with me. Just wait till I start the anti-hormones lol.

Good News

So, My 2.1 Centimeter lump had .1 invasive cancer, rest was either pre-cancer or fat, so I'm in pretty good shape. Lymph node was negative. Doc is gonna send me for radiation just in case, and then start me on drugs because I apparently have too much Estrogen. Here I thought testosterone would be the problem lol. I'm feeling much better, except my boob hurts, and apparently the bruise on my back is from my constant heating pad abuse, and I really miss him. We'll talk to the pain doc about that in a couple of weeks. I may seriously have a screw loose, in my back, we know I have one missing in my head. Love ya'll, especially you J.S. Take care.

So, Here We Are

Back hurts, Boob hurts, found out the bruise on my back is most likely from the heating pad that has been my best friend. I miss it.Babysis wants to go to Dr. with me this week cuz she's a good sister. I told her no, but we'll see. Lung scan is Thursday, and I dunno, I'll be surprised if there's not something there. Hell, I've smoked for 40 yrs. They can't look good. I'm just pretty much done. This, treatment or not, we gonna do the back again, because it's not done. Constant pain is not a good thing. Hell-Mart has finished me off. Gonna go sleep for a bit. Later Kids.