the world would be a better place if....

I loved the Reflections contest when I was younger.  I think I entered every year.  So at the start of this year when I had the opportunity to sign up for different volunteer opportunities at Anna's school, this was at the top of my list.  And although it was more work than I anticipated (I'm know that I am both new and naive at this whole "school parent" thing), it still inspired me.  I love seeing what kids can create.  The theme this year was "the world would be a better place if..." One boy wrote a seriously awesome song on the guitar about things that make us happy, and it was snappy and memorable and really adorable!

It was also interesting to see some of the reoccurring themes among the artwork.  Recycling was the most common one.  Its obvious that we live in a place that really cares about the environment.  But to me, recycling to extend the life of the earth is just a small part of what makes the world better.

I couldn't help but think about how I would finish that sentence.

The world would be a better place if...

We all looked at the stars more.
We took a few deep breaths before we talked to our children.
Everyone ate pancakes with their families in the morning
We lived by the mantra "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all"
Everyone got a great education
Everyone had graham crackers and milk at 3 pm
Everyone spent more time playing at the park

And I know that these things ignore the obvious wrongs in the world like homeless children and diseases and war and guns and hatred and prejudice, but my "world" right now is about 1400 square feet and is full of Anna and Benjamin and dishes and library books and coloring books and different "chore chart" attempts.  So I am going to try to improve the world on a micro level-- one toddler and Kindergartener at a time.

Kindergarten: The good and the stressful

I had no idea that Kindergarten would be so stressful.  For me.

This is the good: 

The bus.  Anna loves riding the bus and Benjamin and I love taking her to the bus stop.  She will run out of the car, blow a hasty kiss over her shoulder and mount the steps up the bus without looking back.  She was like that from day 1.  Benjamin gets a thrill every time he sees the bus pull up.  He will wave to Anna through the car window and say, "Bye Anna, have a great at school!"
I like watching the other parents.  We all seem to look out for each other.  I think we have all been the parent who is just pulling up as the bus is getting ready to leave and more than once I have seen parents step in and ask the bus driver to wait because they see a kid anxiously running across the parking lot.  I also like watching the moms say goodbye to their kids.  I watched one mom do this thing where she kissed the palm of her son and then he kissed her palm before he loaded onto the bus.  It is from a book called "the kissing hand."  Maybe I had no right to observe such an intimate moment, but it taught me that I do not have the corner market on loving and caring for my kids-- that there are numberless parents out there whose lives revolve happily around these little people.   I was touched.

The teacher: Anna has a FANTASTIC teacher.  She is really good at working with each child individually and great at communicating with them and us. The first week, her teacher approached me and said that Anna was having a hard time focusing and responding correctly to instructions.  That night we practiced the game Simon Says, and the next day the teacher told me that Anna had really improved in her focus and attention to instructions.  The next day she sent an email to us applauding Anna's progress and telling us to keep up what we were doing.  Anna's teacher really requires a lot of her students and she actually gives them about 25 more minutes of instruction than is required because she follows through with a specific routine each day and if the classroom time is over, but the routine is not done, she keeps the students until all the work is through.  Each week we get a newsletter and specific instructions from the teacher on how to help our children that week.  As a result, Anna is thriving!  She has found numerous new friends and I have had no reports of any mean behavior at all.  Anna has not come home crying and has even been invited to some play dates.    She loves school, loves her teacher, and has gotten really good at doing her homework.   She is already correcting my crude and rudimentary Spanish.

The stressful:

School pick up time.  There is only one half day Kindergarten class, so pick up time consists of about 22 parents milling around the school patio waiting for our kids to emerge  out of their classroom.  Some of these parents have known each other for a long time.  Some have been going to this school for a long time.  Some of the parents are the kind of parents who get there really early and do lots of talking with the other moms while they wait for school to get out.  In the beginning I really tried to make an effort to socialize.  One mom went around collecting all the other parent's contact information and forming playdate schedules and such.  I figured I should try to make friends and make a good impression.  Its what you do...apparently.   Unfortunately, the moment I would start talking to one person or another, Benjamin would find the kid who was the least stable on his feet and push him over.  Or he would start throwing rocks, or do something else equally destructive.  Inevitably, I would be dragged out of a conversation because my child was terrorizing another child.  After a few weeks of that, I saw moms start defensively protecting their child if they saw Benjamin coming within a certain radius of their position. Well, it was just too embarrassing apologizing all the time and trying to explain that Benjamin was really very sweet, just strong beyond his knowledge.  So I began to stay in the car with Benjamin until Anna came out. Now, I am the kind of mom who rushes in right when the kids are getting out, swoops in to gather up her kid, and rushes back to the car as soon as possible without talking to anyone.  But from the safety of my car I can see the other parents still gathering in their small groups, chatting and letting their little kids play together while they wait.  It stresses me out to think I might be failing some social expectation.  BUT I JUST WANT TO PICK UP MY KID!

Volunteering:  Its what you do if you are a good mom, right?  You go in the classroom and do busy work so the teacher doesn't have to.  You volunteer to be on committees and organizations or to chair certain events so that you can say that you have school pride and that you participate.  Well, I got in a little over my head.  In the first few weeks I had volunteered at Anna's walk-a-thon,  volunteered to head up the "Readers are Doers" program in Anna's class, and also found myself part of a three woman committee in charge of Reflections for the school.  What can I say, I was naive and new to this school thing and very enthusiastic.  In the future I will be very wary of volunteering opportunities.  I feel like I am just surviving from day to day and I know that much of the busy in my life is self imposed and does not have to be there.  Just say NO!

Academic expectations:  Bellevue is kind of an intense school district.  There are a lot tiger families here who have rigorous expectations for their kids. A few weeks into Anna's school, they apparently did some testing to see which kids might qualify for the gifted and talented programs in the school district.  But they didn't tell us that they had done testing.  We only found out about it when they mailed to us a sheet of paper with a short explanation of the outcome of the testing.  To paraphrase in my own words, it said: 

"We conducted some testing to see if your child qualifies for entry into the gifted and talented program.  Please look below to see what further actions may be needed
a.) no further action is necessary, your child is not gifted
b.) your child may be gifted.  We are not sure, so we would like your child to take further tests.
c.) your child is definitely gifted!  Please contact us further about entry into this very special program."

I may have put my own little spin on things...

In any case, Anna's was marked the first option "no further action is necessary."

I am still not sure why we needed to get that letter.  WE didn't know about the test, no action was needed from us, so why give us a letter to tell us that our child is ordinary (at least by their standard at that time).  It reminded me of law school when they would send me a letter to tell me I was in the bottom 50th percentile (just barely, but still...) after grades came out. 

The part I didn't like was that I felt like we had somehow failed because at this point Anna was considered average or at grade level.   Ugghhh!  Its not like Richard or I were in any gifted/talented program and we turned out pretty good.  I want to just let Anna be great, her way.  And I want her to enjoy school.

So halfway through our first year in school, I think I have the most to learn!

BQ

I ran the race of my life on Saturday October 4, 2014.  Probably one of the best days I have ever had.  Most people would not consider running 26 miles to be a fun occupation for a Saturday morning in Southern Utah, but for me it was the fulfillment of a 10 year long dream that for the most part seemed unattainable.  The first time I ran a marathon, I had the realization that anyone could run a marathon.  I have seen 75 year old men run along side me.  I have seen 10 year old boys running along side a parent.  I have seen the overweight run.  I have seen the packs of older ladies who walk the marathon each year with their fanny packs bulging.  I have seen very pregnant women complete marathons. Anyone can run a marathon.

But to qualify for Boston.  That seemed hard.  Really hard.  And would require a lot of work.

I came somewhat close about 7 years ago when I ran my second marathon in 3:48.  I was pretty proud of myself then.  I was only 8 minutes away from qualifying.  But, it had hurt the whole time.  I didn't really enjoy that marathon, and after I was done, I was really DONE for the rest of the day and felt sick.  At that time I told myself that I would just run marathons for the joy of it from that time on and that I would no longer push myself to hit a certain time.

I had never had athletic goals before. I never considered myself an athlete because I never played sports in school. I had never won any championships or awards or worked as an individual or a team toward a certain goal.  I had never really pushed myself physically in anything with an idea in mind of where I wanted to be.  Until this last summer.
At first, it seemed so daunting.  But after saying it out loud "I want to qualify for Boston."  And after making a plan.  And after sticking with that plan and pushing myself.  And after I found that I could go faster and longer than I ever had before, the dream stopped being a dream and became a reality.  Long before I actually ran the race it was a reality to me.  I would spend long periods of time picturing myself crossing the finish line with a specific time read out in numbers above my head.  I envisioned the phone call I would make to my family.  I felt the euphoria.  I KNEW it would happen.  So when I showed up that Saturday, I just followed the plan:  Keep running fast and don't stop.

I knew I had hit each mile at a certain time, so I kept a timer on and checked it at every mile point.  Over the course of the marathon I noticed that the gap between what I needed to run and what I was actually running was getting wider and wider.  I was running faster than I needed to, and I felt great!  I kept waiting for exhaustion or pain to set in, but I continued to feel good-- better than I have ever felt before in a race.  I decided to just go for it and not play it safe or slow down.  I wanted to give this race everything that I had!  And I was actually really enjoying myself.  I had an awesome playlist (first song: theme from Chariots of Fire; song during the steep ascent up the Veyo mountain: "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus; and the final song as I entered the last half mile: "Eye of the Tiger"-- all completely from a random shuffle)

 Luckily, I had some faithful family members to help cheer me on.  This cute woman is my sister Carly-- an incredible inspiration to me every day.  She runs her own kind of marathon in life.

 

the marathon route runs one block down from my house.  You can almost see where I live in this picture below.  But there was no temptation to stop at this point because I had only two miles left and I knew I was going to see my dream fulfilled!

l 

When I crossed the finish line and I saw the numbers 3:26, I was ecstatic. I would be hard pressed to think of many days in my life that I was this happy.  Right up there with getting married and having my two kids!  Not only did I qualify for the Boston marathon (I needed a 3:35), but I beat my old PR by 22 minutes.

This is my running buddy, Carrie, and her husband Matt, our coach.  Matt was on hand to cheer me on in the final stretch because he had completed his own PR in 2:49. Carrie, on the other hand, ran last years marathon 6 months pregnant, and ran it this year as well!  That is one amazing woman.  She shaved 3 hours off her time from last year :)

This is my incredible mother who helped me get ready that morning and who cheered for me and believed in me

Richard and the kids did not come down with me.  In a way, it made the trip even better because I was fully able to relax and enjoy my experience without worrying about nap times or snacks or tantrums.  I also got better sleep :)  They were an incredible support to me though!  I thought about them throughout the race and I kept their faces in front of me.  I want to be an example to them.  Richard took them to a track that morning and had them run around it a few times while I was running.  Please click on the below link to see the short video he created.  It is priceless!

 http://youtu.be/aFm5XG1WVFY

He was also tracking me on my phone and knew as soon as I did when I met my goal.  Later that day he had balloons and flowers delivered to my mom's house.  The card with the flowers read "I believe that God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast, and when I run, I feel his pleasure!" (my favorite quote from "Chariots of Fire")

This is what I made and ate the next day.  It was my nephews birthday...I had a good excuse! But one of my favorite things about running marathons is what I get to eat after a race. 

                                     

It was such a wonderful weekend and such a wonderful experience!  I felt so much love and support from so many family and friends!  One of the other amazing things was that I found out the women's overall marathon winner was a friend of mine from high school-- Amber Green.  I had slept over at her house once.  She was one of the girls I most liked and respected.  She ran her first marathon in 4:23 in college, and a mere 12 years later she is winning marathons and running all over the world.  And she has three kids!  Moms can do amazing things I think!

A rainbow kind of a day

A great day at the consignment store:  It had been raining and we needed rain boots and raincoats (the Thomas costume was a no-go.  Benjamin is against dressing up of any kind outside of tying a towel around his neck for a cape)

a happy girl:  she found out what happens when the sun shines after a good rainstorm

and a double rainbow that my kids still talk about months later.

A visit with Matt

We had a visit from my cousin Matt and his girls for just about 24 hours this October.   There was a concert he wanted to go to in Seattle, and lucky me, I live pretty close by. We actually weren't supposed to be in town (we decided at the last minute to send me out to Utah for the weekend instead of doing the drive as a family and spending an extra week) but our plans had changed and I am so glad.  His visit was delightful and his girls were so much fun.  And it had been a long time since I had ever had a real conversation with my cousin.  Most of the time I just assume that he would rather be talking to one of my brothers.

Benjamin loved having two beautiful girls to play with at the park. Matt's daughters are super athletic just like him.  They were doing some incredible gymnastics stuff

my kids loved them-- they were like hugely awesome playmates.

and they had no fear!

And they helped us make an incredible Halloween centerpiece

and some Halloween ornaments.

At the end of the day,  I realized that Matt and I have more in common than I thought.  We both love our Hughes family, we both are parents who adore our kids, and we are both just trying to figure out our lives from day to day.  I hope we get to have them over again soon!

Connecting with Apollo

One of the most special experiences I had this last weekend while I was in St. George and running the marathon, was with my nephew Apollo.
Apollo has autism and is 7 years old.  I have lived in a different city or state from him his whole life and have not had a lot of opportunity to interact with him.  The times that I do have the opportunity, I  feel incompetent and inadequate at understanding and responding to his special needs.  I don't feel capable of communicating with him and so to a certain extent I have kept him at a distance and allowed other family members to be the ones to actively love him.

I know that is pretty poor of me. 
I often get afraid of the things I don't know or understand.  Its easier to stay in safe areas where I can predict the results of my efforts and people act in normal proscribed ways.   With children especially.  I love my own children, I tolerate other people's normal children, and I stay away from the hard cases.  I don't really like this about myself.

This weekend, I had a breakthrough. 

I like to make smoothies.  Especially the chocolate banana kind. With ice.  And spinach if I am feeling especially healthy.  I started making a smoothie this weekend and I noticed that Apollo was watching me.  He had his hands over his ears and he was intently following my hand movements and watching the whirl of the machine as it blended everything together.  The blender had three settings-- "1, 2, and 3."  He liked it when it was on 1.  He did not like it when it was on 2 or 3 (especially 3).  After I made my first smoothie, he took my hand and placed it back on the machine and said "turn it to number 1!"
Luckily, the first smoothie I made completely sucked!  I made it with a mixture of kale and chard and they had a really strong flavor that completely ovewhelmed my beloved chocolate and banana.  So, I had to make another.  This time, I got Apollo involved.  I let him add each ingredient.  I let him scoop the ice.  He put on the lid.  But I had to be the one to turn it to "number 1"-- Apollo needed his hands to cover his ears.  We made two or three smoothies on that first day. And then we used soap and water and just whirled it around to clean out the machine.  The next day we made more smoothies.

I had never really touched Apollo before or had a conversation with him, but I found it easy to take his hand, and talk to him and involve him in the process.  It showed me that the kitchen is one place where I am truly comfortable.  Looking back, I end up cooking with kids almost every time I babysit for someone.  I am not a good imagination play person, but I can make muffins and cookies and serve hot chocolate tea parties to kids by the dozen. And since I was in one of my safe places, I was able to extend myself just enough to find common ground with a very special nephew. 

As the smoothie, and later just water whirled around, I watched his face light up and his eyes sparkle.  I had never seen him so happy in my presence, and it made me feel so light and filled to know that I had helped just a little.  I know I have missed a lot of time with this little guy, but I am glad to start now developing my own relationship with him.

The whole weekend was wonderful and I can't wait to see him again.  I hope we find other cooking projects to do.  I have my Kitchenaid and my Blendtec on the ready when that time comes again.

The long road to Boston

I have a dream.  I want to qualify for the Boston marathon.  And up until a few months ago, I was kind of resigned that I would always run the other marathons in the world and just leave that one to the professionals.  Because it means running fast.  And I have never been fast.   I am a good runner.  My heart is strong.  I am determined and diligent and consistent.  But I am no sprinter.

Three years ago I ran the Seattle rock n roll marathon and a friend of mine who was at the finish line with her husband, said that as they cheered me on her husband remarked to her "she looks like she still has more left in her."

That has always bothered me-- the knowledge that I could have given more. 
I have always held back a little-- afraid of the hurt that comes from really trying and really pushing the extent of my boundaries.  I like to play it safe and keep things comfortable.  And I have ran many respectable and comfortable marathons-- to the point where it is no longer a challenge.

But earlier this summer, the seed of an idea planted itself in my brain....

what if?

what if I tried?

what if I pushed myself just a little farther, a little harder, a little more than I ever have?

what could I accomplish?

So one day I tried.  I ran as fast as I could for as long as I could.  I ran 6 miles at a 7:30 pace.

And then I called emailed a friend who has run the Boston marathon and I told him "I want to try...what do I need to do?"

He put me on a plan that involved running 5 days a week (I had previously only ran 3 days a week).  It meant tempo runs, hill climbs, speed drills and many, many long runs. It meant waking up at 5:00 on some days.  It meant a certain amount of pain and soreness where there had been none before.

And it meant I would need to be fast (well, faster).

To qualify for the Boston marathon, I need to run 26.2 miles in 3:35.  That works out to be a consistent 8.12 mile.

I want to run it in 3:30.  That is an 8:00 mile.

And I have decided to do it.  I know I can.  I know it will hurt.  I know it will be a race like no other race I have ever run.  But for the first time, I am going to lay everything out there and run the race of my life.  I would rather fly from the start and collapse at mile 20 knowing I had given everything, than comfortably finish one more race.

This weekend will be the 10th anniversary of my first marathon, in the city where I grew up and ran my first marathon.  My family will be at the finish line.  My body is ready after 9 months of training.  I may never be in this place in my life again.  The time is now.

This is what I am taking with me:

 The worlds ugliest and most beautiful feet which have carried me thousands of punishing miles.

 My racing tank!  A few months ago, Benjamin got the age where he didn't want to be carried anymore.  He would simply say "I have to run!" and then he would wriggle out of my arms and run after Anna.  That is when I knew he was truly my son.  I feel the same way.  I have to run.

 The real troopers are the family members who sacrificed our family mornings so I could carry on with my running.

And my running buddy lent me her Boston charms!  She is hoping to PR on Saturday.  She said that after I qualify, it will give her even more luck for next year when she makes her own run for Boston.

See you at the finish line!