"Mashed-up Potato"

Bismillah,



   After my short trip to PD with my little sisters (which was a badly-needed trip for me even though I had to drive; like a drunken driver at 9pm the previous night), I came back home packing for my first daurah ever since I graduated. =O that's like.... in 5 months?! Maybe longer than that!

   I can't believe I was really excited and I fell like leaving as soon as noon even though it started at 10pm! I wanted to get away in my own 'kepompong tarbiyyah' even though I can say that out of the 30 people there, I only know one of them. Friends were curious, family even more curious that I said I needed to go into the jungle to find some peace. Ala.. FRIM je. They were worried that I might be mixing with weird people. I wanted to be weird, I guess it's Okay.



    Yes, I was messed up. I was a lazy messed up potato that got mashed somewhere in the middle.


 
   I can't be thankful enough for a supporting comment by one of my lovely reader, Miss Fan. I don't think I know you in real life (if I terlupa, please please do remind me!). It's really true that I need to have things laid out in the open so I know where I'm going. One goal at a time. ( & stop blaming, and complaining. x-x)


   Someone tweeted this, and it gave me a real-hard kick in the face. The rules are simple; but doing it might be the hardest thing ever. I can't even cross out any of those 3 rules to prove to myself that they're actually SIMPLE.  I was crushed to the very bone that I had (of being a potato), and building it back would need a LOT of booster power from the Almighty. I just need to ask for it once again.

 

Your task; cross these out one by one if you think you've done them. NOW. 

If not, you're like me, struggling to just overcome the circumstances that we've made upon OUR-SELF.

♥may the force be with us

Nadiah

I am up for something new.

"There's a bigger sea for a girl like me,

 When I come back and try to show some love,"

 「　TRAVELOG - LIFE-LOG by Nadiah　」

  I have no idea how I came out with such name. It just happened. When I started writing the "History" page last night (which each and everyone of you readers should read - that somehow might be me and me),  I know that I can't just let this blog die as a piece of history that just once happened. May no one knows about them, but for sure I need a piece of myself to help carry things on. 

  Actually, I met a friend that made me realized that something great happened to me. But I was such a cry-baby that I let it all passed me by. I don't know if going through pictures is a bad thing, but to take a step back to know that there's amazing places I've got my self to, I was pretty much ungrateful.

  The cover photo of the blog was taken in Jerash, when I visited Jordan, last year. One amazing trip that I never thought I'd made.

A piece of Reality Check

  I lost the battle that was not even meant for me to be in the first place. As soon as I thought that I should fight for it... then came along news. The guy I really-really-really (fill in this blank), is getting married to some stranger.  No emotions left of me but a drop of tears. and that was it. ← isn't this information is just too personal? and out of context obviously... 

 No. I would not settle down for less.

Maybe it's not about what I want. But I know that what I need is much much more important. I'll get over things (and kill me heart softly and take up another billion decades to heal).
 

I'm Up For Something New

 Did I tell you that my dad is planning to send my brother to Bangladesh? and until Petronas is giving me an exact date for me to start my duty, I might be joining him for a while. I am, as well as many has aware is a full-time unmarried housewife with three kids to take care of.← haha. another this-sounds-so-wrong statement. It's an opportunity! maybe. I shall be like "Dora The Explorer"!

 Life back in KL after years of leaving...was, the hardest. Especially puasa sunat Syawal! Those 6 days were like 6 years!! Back in Japan, I could even finish up all the puasa ganti and sunat Syawal during Syawal! But back home, office mak buat makan² every other weekdays, and weekends are just near to impossible. Kalau tak raya, kahwin, kalau tak kahwin, raya, kalau none of the above, reunion la, nikah la, lapar sangat tak tahan nak berbuka lah..(eh? )


So what's new? Well, more to bringing back the dead and leftovers, eh?


- ARAB Tabi (which includes Turkey, Syria, Jordan, Egypt)

- West Coast Tabi (Calfornia, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle including Arizona, though it's not on the west coast )

- Korea Tabi (spent a month of going back and forth to Korea for about 6 times in 3 months)


and Raya of course!!

Eid Mubarak everyone. ♥　

  Though the real Eid is only the first day of Syawal, I'm gonna just ask for your forgiveness here, now, once and for all. If I may not be here tomorrow anymore, will you forgive me and pray for my well-being in the akhirah?

Jazakallah khairan katheera.  

♥,
Nadiah

My Space

Living in a place that's not yours at the age of 24 is just.... absurd.

 With no proper job, no income, and live like a leech in your parent's place... a big no. no. Now I know how exactly my friends have felt for the past years. I couldn't understand it before since I was living far away from home, funded by a full-scholarship (loan to be exact) and only recently finished my studies.


 I don't think my parents will read this anyway.


 I need my blog to be my own space to spare my thoughts once again. Even though it won't benefit you readers directly, it will give you some ideas of what I feel. What I'm going through. My ideas, comments and of course, complaints. ^^ハハ！自分のブログだからこそ、好きにしていいんじゃない？ 


 Coming back for good after nearly 6 years, I had an idea that it'd be fun and exciting. But, I guess not. Not when you don't have money. LOL. I barely hangout with my friends no more since going out means money. Even a cup of teh tarik at the mamak is costly nowadays. I don't mind drinking plain water from the filter as long as it's cheap. It's obviously a healthier choice!

  Hanging out, catching up with friends meaning... that they'll ask questions. Oh, oh, oh... visiting the relatives for Eid was even worse!

Questions;


    When are you getting married?
    Do you not have someone to get married to?
    Do you not even have a boyfriend?

oh, plus this one as well..

   When are you going to start working in Petronas?

and..

   Congratulation for starting in Petronas!

Answers

   NO, I don't know.
   NO. Maybe not yet.
   NO.
and
  I really have no idea.

  Since when I've started working, that some people have already congratulated me?

  Seriously, as much as you can ask me, "Do you not want to get married? Didn't you know it's a part of the deen???" so what do you want me to do? What can I do? Urgh. Please, stop asking questions that I can't even answer to myself. It's utterly frustrating.

  Every time I told my mom, I want to get my own place, she'll start the lecture on, "Why aren't you not married yet and now you want to live alone on your own? Again?!" and "When I was your age, I was married for 2 years and already had you," and "Even some of your friends are waiting for their 2nd child!" and came the golden question from my best friend, "You don't mind being the second wife right? I can try to get you one,"    errrr.. -_____-#


    Oh-my-goodness.

Gimme a space will you.

   I can't even afford to pay for my own phone bill every month that I feel like I don't own anything to be called a living person. I rather work at TESCO or any supermarket for a 5-ringgit per hour pay. But if I work for the money, I'm gonna break my bones off for money and die for money. Which is DEFINITELY not what I'm here for.

    Only time will tell. I will get things done one by one.

and get back to what is meant to be for me. insyaAllah. お願い！私のもとに戻ってき！

 부탁해!!

Happy Birthday Sanae-chan!

She has been listening to my never-ending-life-stories and I can't thank enough for having her around when I need someone to just talk to.

It's her birthday today and we went for a girl's night out few days ago. She decided to go Brisbane, Australia instead of Oregon, USA. I wanted to pay her a visit if she's in the States, but I guess I have to go to Australia intead. hihi.

Kaisen-don is obviously very expensive, but the one that we got was on a good price. *^-^* I actually miss having sashimi and sushi. But this is the best that I can my hands on.

Miss Sanae. <3

our 390yen dinner! 

and we had the best pancake ever!




The mix of cream sauce and apple is just..



happy!

She gave me a Japanese cookbook since I've been wanting to cook various types of Japanese dishes lately.

I miss having dinner with Madamme Iman, since she's the only one who can actually have a REAL Japanese

with me.

  and so we went to the BookOff (a bookstore for used books).

 But there weren't any books that is as good as the one that she gave me. =(

and so I went back home to one of the best breakfast ever. hihi. I couldn't wait till the next morning for this.

on hot rice...raw egg... and...

 nattou!!


So, Happy Birthday Sanae Chan!

at 6.30am

Today, at 6:30 in the morning,

I had to send someone to the eki, because she had an early flight to catch. It was cold. I was only wearing my green kaftan, hood, and a jacket. With the thought of six-thirty a-m, I couldn't bother much.

As I went out,

I saw a father, with his primary-school-uniform-daughter walking down to the train station. There were quite a number of them, businessmen in suits with a little girl by them side. They looked old, with a lot of white hair. Around their 40's maybe, off to work at 6:30 in the morning.

At 6:30 in the morning,

I saw a sleepy-looking lady, walking face down to the ground, not bothering to catch the next train that comes. I saw men with their tie on, run as fast as they could, to not miss the 6:30 train that leaves in less than a minute.

6:30 in the morning.

That's not early because the first train to the city is at 4:45 am.

(It's as real as it can get- ready to be crushed to your bones every morning like this, and its amazing that you still manage to do it everyday at least for 20 years time- I didn't take this)

At 6:30 in the morning,

I saw some university students march their way up the hill around Iman's house. There were also students who jog around the area, at six-thirty. Taxis and buses are ready to start another busy day at six-thirty as well. One more day to get through life as if we are meant to live until we're 100 years old. How so meaningful 6:30 is to them.

I wonder, what time do they woke up, if they had to start their life cycle at 6:30? Some of the Japanese friends that I know wake up at 6am for 11am class just to prepare for their make-up (and for the travelling +-2hours).

But us?

What do we do at 6:30 in the morning?

Fajr(Subuh) is at four-thirty and the sun rises at six. Let me remind you that we should not sleep between the hours of Fajr. Allah said so, and the prophet said so. Yet, I am very sure that many of us are still in their futon even 1o minutes before Fajr ends. Let alone keeping ourself awake for the one-hour-and-a-half period. Sounds hard?

No.

What's the different between us, and the Japanese?

Discipline.

It's in our head. If we think its muri-hard, we're not trying good enough to discipline ourself.

[YES, this is a self reminder as-well]

At 6:30 in the morning,

Allah knows everything that you are doing.

What does six-thirty means to you? What do you usually at this hour of the day? Are you like these Japanese? Or, you're like me?- as soon as Fajr ends, back in bed, waiting for the right time to get up for school? [ lets do something about tht then!]

Hello!

I'm in a good mood. I made this PACO. I'm packing up for home. I'm ready to take chances. I love having Izyan back in Japan. I will be in Malaysia for 2 months. I cant wait to see someone back home. I want to have the best raya ever. I miss bonda. I'll say "Hello!" to the girls. I'll say "Hello!" to the sisters. I'll say "Hello!" to you. It has been a while. Right?

夏の前思い

さーさー！もう夏だよ＾＾！ 花火を見に行ったり。。 遊園地に行ったり。。 遊びー遊び！！ アラマー！ コンサートは？？ 嵐に決まってるでしょう！ ＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝ そうですね。 ただの夢でしたね。 嵐のコンサートなんて、花火もなかなか生で見られない。 さ、 夏は来年また来るのかわからないでしょう？ 命なんて自分のものでもないし。 だから、 夢のままでいいなのか？ 「今年こそ！」って言っても珍しくもない。 けど、 「嵐なんて絶対無理！」と言われたばかり。 「じゃ、無理か？」と自分に聞いてみたら、 やっぱり、夢のままで行けない。 本当に行きたい。 本気で会いたい。 どうすればいいの？ お金で買えないもの 世界一な勇気を持っている人になりたい お金で買えないもの その感情の無限さをもらってみたい お金で買えないもの 嵐のコンサートに行きたい。

Kebakar--an!

Sumpah panas. Tak rasa nak keluar rumah lansung! Parah dah ni. Selama sebulan En.Kipas berusaha menyejukkan rumah, tapi nampaknya kali ini sungguh mustahil nak bergantung padanya lagi. Anginnya pun terasa panas bahang! Aircond sudah mula bekerja. Alamak, naiklah bill elektrik bulan ni. Oh tidak----! Banyak benda lain lagi yang nak pakai duit. >_<" Suhu di Gunma hari ini adalah terpanas di Jepun ; 39.4c ! Nadiah sudah 3 hari tak ke sekolah. Esok dia ada exam pukul 4 petang. Nasib baik. Kalau tak, dia akan berendam dalam peluh lagi. Setiap kali sebelum masuk kelas, dia akan ke tandas untuk mengeringkan baju. =( Setiap hari dia makan aiskrim vanilla. Setiap hari dia tak rasa nak balik rumah. [sebelum pasang aircond] Adakah Malaysia juga panas seperti ni? Can anyone tell me?? Sudah setahun dia tidak balik ke tanah air. Kalau di Malaysia, aircond hanya di dalam kereta. Tapi sekarang, sekolah aircond, train aircond, rumah pun aircond. Tu pun masih panas tak terkata sbb kena jalan kaki kat luar. Tiba-tiba, tepat jam satu pagi, hujan turun dengan SANGAT lebat for a mere 10 seconds. MasyaAllah. Bahang diluar, seperti hilang dibasuh hujan.

Cinta hujan pada tanah

lambat-lambat aku mendongak ke langit ah! awan hitam ini pasti membawa guruh petir bagaikan, melaungkan khabar gembira pada sang tanah yang gontang di bawah 'aku membawa hujan untukmu!' tanah pun tersenyum suka.. sementelahan guruh dan petir saling bersahutan hingga syaitan durjana mendecit ketakutan angin menderu giat membawa awan ke mari bersama libasan air hujan yang dingin terpercik ke sana sini saat itu aku bagaikan ternampak senyuman pada sang rumput bagaikan makin hijau warnanya aku seolah-olah melihat bunga di pasu rakus menyedut air hujan yang bertakung di dalamnya seolah-olah terdengar nafas lega sang bunga jalan yang sebelumnya kering dan panas kini lembab dibasahi air hujan terasa basah kembali... begitu juga cinta tarbiyah pada hati.. saat tanah hati begitu kontang, maka hujan tarbiyah perlu berganda-ganda agar basahnya hati itu hingga ke akar tanah akan sentiasa kering begitu juga hati kita, akan kering pada suatu masa hujan akan sentiasa turun begitu juga tarbiyah, sentiasa mencurah-curah ada tapi, tak semua tanah beroleh hujan tapi, kita boleh jadi hati yang mau pada tarbiyah bukan? maka, rebutlah tarbiyah untuk hati kamu!

Diambil dari sini. Suka benar si Nadiah membaca nukilan ini. ^-^" Panas ke, sejuk ke.. semuanya rahmat Allah.. adeh.. kene bertahan lebih kuat sikit. Nadiah baru sedar, ada orang 'cuba' menulis namanya diatas handphone pink samsungnya yang lama. (Dia bagi orang pinjam selama sebulan. Setelah 2 bulan, ni baru dapat balik) - permanent marker pulak tu. arigatou-- T-T"

When hope is always around.

This is a picture taken from my programming class's student portal. The first zero means completed. Well, I haven't completed any of them. To be specific, none of my report have been graded yet for the past semester. Awesome!  Second, is the number 5. I've sent ONLY 5 reports so far. No wonder he's not bothered to grade any of them because..... I have 53 more reports to go by the end of next week  My dear family and friends, this is only a 2 credit class. I have 11 class this semester all together, and I am looking forward for my French communication III exam at the end of the month. Alhamdulillah, I am still sane and believe that things will go perfectly well by the time I'm ready for home this summer holiday. I already bought the tickets for 100,000yen - from 3rd august until 21 sept and yes, they're very expensive. But Iman said it's a process of "penyucian harta". Uh-huh, a person that bought a cheaper ticket can say that (ToT)/~~~ Maybe it's true. I really AM not bothered about money for the past months even though I'm way passed bankruptcy. I buy things that I need, and go where I have to go, regardless of the balance I have in mizuho( the name of a bank in Tokyo). I just know that things will be alright. Money is everywhere. Boleh dicari. If Allah has decided that the money is mine, then it will be mine. This is my voice when I am happy. Today, I am very happy indeed. I have no idea why, but this is the day I start to memorize the Surah Al- Mulk. No doubt that it is quite long for an amateur like me to be able to do 'em, but I'm fairly positive about it. I found it easy if I'm in the process of memorizing the book of God, and then trying to understand and memorize things that I have to learn at school. (I mean, university--) Verily, it is Him who holds the key to our heart. He can make things the way He wants it to be, and yes.. we have to ask for it! Nothing is impossible with Allah. Impossible. I'm possible. Nadiah Azli

一日中

皆様ー！ こんにちは 久しぶりに日本語で書きたくて、なんか懐かしいなぁ。。 4年間経っても、私の日本語がなかなか上達してなくて、悔しいの！ それでは、今日のトピックに入りまーす 昨日の夜、アメーバピグをやってみた。 楽しかったよ～！マジでー！ ピグもカワイイしさ、たまらなーん 他のピグもカワイくて けど、一つ気づいたのは、みんな寂しそうだった なんかね、声をかけないと友達作れないのよー実際にもそうじゃないのか？ 世界にはいっぱい人がいるよ--日本だって、小ちゃいの。。 ピグを作っても、一人で遊ぶなんて。。かわいそう一人で生きて行けないよ～ピグも同じだ。 いっぱい友達を作ってみな 私もね、ちゃんと理由があるからやってみたのただ遊ぶだけじゃないよー 今日、"世界の一幸せな女性になれる！"という本を読んでいた。 感動的だった！ アッラーが私に数え切れない恵をくれて、本当に心いっぱい感謝してるわーー ますますアッラーのことを好きになったなんかね、会いたくて、会いたくて、会えるかな。。みたいな。 自分が本当に良い人生を歩んできて、感謝しないとね！ だから、アッラーの言うことをちゃんと従うの。ヒジャッブも、お祈りも、説教も、勉強もアッラーのためだよ 大好き！ 正直に言えば、幸せで～す！ また iPhoneからの投稿