well what do you know, it's the day before the school holidays. i cant say i wasnt sad or feeling a little bit like an old person watching her granddaughters and grandsons go back to the city; leaving her all alone at the kampung. what i felt was rather similar to that.
amidst all the honks (handmade by some boys using used water bottles? memang kreatif) after the last school bell rang, and the laughters and goodbyes and selamat-puasa's, i was there feeling sappy. i stood at the corridor facing the school gate from the first-floor for a good 7minutes or so, just feeling..sad. that was at 12.20pm.
i have no idea i would feel this way. i mean, i saw it coming, just not so strong and concrete of a feeling. i 100% felt sad. geez, it's just the school closing for a week for the holidays. in fact, i should feel very happy. this was what i wanted - being able to let my hair down, and resting my ears from the sounds of shrieks and screamings, and the constant "teacher, teacher, teacher, teacher, teacher!".
but funnily, i am contradicting myself. im an official walking contradiction. these kids have made me one.
some of the students even thought this was my last day at school, and insisted that we took photos together. after all the photo sessions, i explained to her that i'll still be coming to school after the hols. her face broke into a huge smile and she said "Yes!! Ish cikgu buat saya takut tadi! Dah nak nangis dah ingatkan cikgu dah hari last..!!"
if only she knew what was going through my mind at that moment. i was mentally prepping myself for the real day. i was actually role-playing the character of a prac teacher on her last day. and it felt horrible. i hated that feeling. i dont ever want to be in that spot! but you know, as everyone says, we must move on. i will have to face that day very soon. and i'd better just face it positively so that it wont leave like a black mark or something in my trail of life.
sigh sigh and an even bigger sigh.
i hope i will grow old and still have excellent memory. i hope when im 80 years old, i can still remember all the faces and names and kind things that the students did that made me dont ever want to stop teaching and leave school.
i hope and that's all i can do for now.
8 comments:
adoi, feel like crying after reading this post:) i still have a long way to go 4 prac, but I know that feeling...that dread of leaving:(
do not 4get them tissues on ur last day k (n_*)v
p/s Happy holidays n Selamat Berpuasa!
I love this entry of yours. bukan sbb vocab nye yang best, tp the fact that i pon rase mcm tu jgk. lega sbb im not the only one yang pelik konfius patut ke sedih or pura2 happy :((
i guess, its true when our seniors kept saying, "Enjoy your practicum while you still can". sob sob.
these kids ni comel sgt and sgt inesen the way they appreciate us sometimes i think they are made of candies.
happy hols!
what a great passion.. yup, sad eyh?
Salam..
its ok if u don't remember their names..the best part is that they will still call u 'cikgu' or 'teacher' long after ur teaching days are over..tak kesah la tua mane pun..hehe that's what my mom says every time she occasionally bumps into her long lost students..=)
cikgu mmg akan diingati. cikgu mude n cun mmg lagi2 akan dikenang
agree, so touching after reading this entry..the way u described it is emotional..hmm , newey happy hols and selamat berpuasa !
izza..
dis is really u..
i can feel it~! :)
u go gurl..
ak tesenyum mmbace
ull b a great educator sum day
my my Izza.
i love this.it hurts jugak sbnarnya.to think that u have to leave these (d students esp) behind,padahal,everyday when i was preparing d materials n what not,i just couldnt wait for d last day to arrive.tup tup.when it arrived, i wish i wasnt here.darn!
n i felt like this twice tau.after graduated, i was teaching in UiTM Kedah.then i got a scholarship offer n i had to leave in d midst of d sem.(30th of August was my last day w 'em)freaking heartbreaking.ha-ha
-Farhah
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