Everything but the oink

Some of you may recall my discussion on organ donation.  Others among you may remember me posting about the Hogzilla family back in Florida.  (I feel there should be some amusing and frighteningly accurate Venn diagram here, so imagine one.  I'm being lazy.) 

Now, the Discovery Channel has decided that we're SO overrun by wild boars that it warrants a weekly series.  We here at CDS Enterprises (a wholly-owned division of NFC Worldwide) think the time has come to actually welcome our porcine overlords.  Like dinosaurs or leprechauns, pigs could very well be the panacea this planet needs.

(I am not anti-Semitic, anti-Islam or anti-any-faith-based-dietary-obedience.  I am anti-vegan, a point you, my regular reader, will already know.  But this warrants mention.  This is not intended as an ethical discussion, either.  If you've been reading for any length of time, you'll have figured out that ethics have no place in vast global solutions.)

Anyhoo.  Depending on which scientific group you believe, we may be waiting until 2018 for swine-to-human transplants, but others think we may see the first of these this year.  We may start off with limited skin and kidney transplants, but porcine physiology has been used to mimic the human body.  I watch Mythbusters and CSI, so don't try to argue with me.  When they harvest the organs and skin from a pig, that leaves loads of nutritional value to be had.  Boars' hair is used to make paintbrushes, and pigs are full of sweet, unctuous gelatin.

And since we're overloaded with saturated fat in this country (mmm, sweet delicious lard), I'm sure some enterprising person could work out refining and purifying rendered pork fat, and we could all drive bacon-scented cars and trucks, heat our homes and offices, burn clean pork fat to generate electricity.  Can you imagine?  And in nations that consider this religiously blasphemous, just think, they'd still be able to survive using fossil fuel for generations longer, thanks to the use of wild boars in western nations.

Pork.  The other cure-all. Now if we could just find a use for the oink, we'd be all set.

Movie Mania Monday - Everybody's a Winner

Happy 2011, childrens, and Auld Lang Syne and all of that! 

Time to announce the winners of our second annual trivial trivia giveaway!  There was much work involved, and in the end, only three brave souls dared enter the squared circle we call the NerDome.  (We do.  Really.  I didn't just make that up.)  For those of you looking to expand your education, keep reading.

Tied for first place are Daisy and Kari, who worked their internets to the bone coming up with these answers.

Third place goes to Frank, and really, doesn't everyone win when bacon is involved?

For the curious among you, here are the preferred winning answers:

1)  Name two films that featured two future state governors.  

A)  "Batman and Robin", "Predator" and "Running Man" all starred Jesse Ventura (MN) and Ahnuld Schwartzenegger (CA).  "Predator" also starred Sonny Landham, who ran an unsuccessful campaign for governor of Kentucky, and there is currently a Facebook campaign to elect Carl "Apollo Creed" Weathers to a governorship just to make the 'Governor vs. Predator' argument.  

2)  Name another that featured one future governor and a chimp.

A)  This could only be the Gipper.  Ronald Reagan, then future governor of California co-starred with a monkey in "Bedtime for Bonzo".

3)  Hal Holbrook has never been a governor.  Hal Holbrook has never been president either, but he's played two on TV as well as helping to topple a third in film.  Name two films where his good-guy role turns out to be a front, and he's exposed as the villain (Scooby-Doo style, if you will.)

A)  I underestimated this one, as Hal Holbrook seems to become the villain more often than not.  I was thinking of "Magnum Force" and "Fletch Lives", but I was also given "The Firm" as an option.  Sure, it's just opinion, but somehow I doubt Hal's role in "All the president's men" changed from beginning to end of the film, and it seems that he was an asshole from the start in "Capricorn One". 

4)  Speaking of Scooby Doo (in an offhand sort of way), explain the significance of September 14, 1985 in music history.  (It has to do, marginally, with the Pointer Sisters and one of their 'upbeat' songs, if that helps.  It went to eleven.)

A)  A day that will live in infamy, this was Casey Kasem's 'Snuggles' rant, about having to do a dedication to a dead dog coming out of the Pointer Sisters song.  The rant was later edited into U2, a song by alternative band Negativland.  One would hope you're not asking what this has to do with Scooby Doo.  If you are, go check out Casey's IMDB page.  I'm not giving you a link, that just encourages your laziness.

5)  Also on that day, one of the greatest premieres in all of television occurred, that being "The Golden Girls".  The theme song was originally released by Andrew Gold in 1978.  Name two films to feature Gold's previous hit, 'Lonely Boy'.

A)  Both "Boogie Nights" and "The Water Boy" included this tune on their soundtracks.

6)  Now that you're all sexed up thinking about the television show mentioned above, maybe thinking about baseball would help.  Who followed Jimmy Blake to the plate, possibly in Massachusetts but just as possibly in California, depending upon who you believe?

A)  Jimmy Blake was second at bat, right before Casey in "Casey at the Bat: A Ballad of the Republic Sung in the Year 1888" by Ernest Thayer.

7 & 8)  Speaking of geography, how far is Winnipeg from Montreal?  Who told you that distance?

A)  While driving distances would be 1470 or 1711 miles depending upon your route, we weren't talking about driving but actual geographic distance.  Currently distance from airport to airport is 1136 miles.  However, according to Mr. Memory, from Hitchcock's "The 39 Steps", the distance is actually 1148 miles.

9)  Why is that distance in miles instead of kilometers?  Burma!  (Sorry, I panicked.  I'm not Doctor bloody Bernofsky, you know.)

A)  "The 39 Steps" was released in 1939.  However, the metric system was not universally in use in Great Britain until 1965, and Canada until 1973.  Presently only three nations worldwide have yet to complete 'Metrication':  The United States of America, Liberia, and Burma.

10)  What do they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France?

A)  Official spelling on the McDonalds website lists the 'Royal Cheese' as an offering in France.  However, were you to be a Tarantino fan, you'd know this to be the 'Royale with Cheese' of "Pulp Fiction" fame, because thanks to the Metric system, the French don't know what a quarter pound is.

11)  Finally, which actress was born on the anniversary of the Mexican Revolution, and became a global sensation after starring in one of the late Blake Edwards' films?

A)  Bo Derek starred in "Ten", and was the subject of my most popular blog post to date.

I'd like to thank everyone who participated, and I'm looking forward to far more entries on future give-aways.

And of course, what would Monday be without a movie quote to identify?  No Googling or using any other search engines on this one, either you recognize the quote or you don't.  Identify the original source of the quote, no movies within movies or characters quoting past films.  Should you guess the quote correctly, you'll win the peoples' fame and ovation forever, along with the title of 'Iron Quote Guesser'.

The army couldn't afford drapes? I'll be up at the crack of dawn here!

Allez Guessing!

The Fun Fact Fat Guy Film Finds Foodipalooza - Expurgated Version

(The one without the gannet...) 

Now I understand from some of you that last Thursday's post might not be (ahem) work-appropriate.  As such, here's an image-free version so you may still win prizes without offending the Political Correctness crowd.


Should you not give a crap, click here.  Either way, since nobody's offered any answers yet, there's still plenty of time to win.

Merry Christmas, kids!  Happy holidays, as well, should you not be of the Christmas ilk.  Winter is upon us and it's time once again for our annual trivial trivia giveaway!  We're currently driving to Wisconsin to be among family and friends for the holiday weekend.

Last year, Nej took top honors and in return, wrote a stellar review of her prize.  You could be next!  Just be the winner of the following scavenger hunt of facts and you could soon be the proud owner of greatness.

This year, first prize is one of a selection of fine art photographs, matted and framed, by Lori Mason Photography.  These works have a retail value of $75, but a current overstock due to our recent relocation means we can offer one of these to you to display proudly in your home or office.  There are a lot of different images, and if you win we'll send you a preview gallery to choose from.    

Second prize is your choice of classic films, all discussed at some point here at Ye Olde CDSe.  First, Leone's classic 'A Fistful of Dollars', a remake of 'Yojimbo!'.  Second, one of Hitchcock's pre-Hollywood films, 'The 39 Steps'.  Or, you can choose 'The Station Agent', one of my modern favorites.


Finally, third prize is that ever popular meat candy, BACON.  Just because it's third doesn't make it less important.  This year, it's Hungarian smoked bacon, enough for two beautiful BLT's or a hell of a lot of bean soup.  You could also opt for Wisconsin-made Nueske's if you'd like your bacon pre-sliced.  This stuff is great under the broiler, and has the true bacon flavor that seems to be missing from many of the store brands.  I fried some of this up to add to a cremini-cheddar risotto last weekend, good stuff.

Now, on to the quiz.  We grade on a curve here at CDS Enterprises, and some of these questions will take some work and creative thinking.  Since many of the questions relate to the previous answer, working in order might be better for all involved.

1) Name two films that featured two future state governors.

2) Name another that featured one future governor and a chimp.

3) Hal Holbrook has never been a governor.  Hal Holbrook has never been president either, but he's played two on TV as well as helping to topple a third in film.  Name two films where his good-guy role turns out to be a front, and he's exposed as the villain (Scooby-Doo style, if you will.)

4) Speaking of Scooby Doo (in an offhand sort of way), explain the significance of September 14, 1985 in music history.  (It has to do, marginally, with the Pointer Sisters and one of their 'upbeat' songs, if that helps.  It went to eleven.)

5) Also on that day, one of the greatest premieres in all of television occurred.  The theme song was originally released by Andrew Gold in 1978.  Name two films to feature Gold's previous hit, 'Lonely Boy'

6) Now that you're all sexed up thinking about the television show mentioned above, maybe thinking about baseball would help.  Who followed Jimmy Blake to the plate, possibly in Massachusetts but just as possibly in California, depending upon who you believe?

7) Speaking of geography, how far is Winnipeg from Montreal? 

8) Who told you that distance?

9) Why is that distance in miles instead of kilometers?  Burma!

(Sorry, I panicked.  I'm not Doctor bloody Bernofsky, you know.)

10) What do they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France?

11) Finally, which actress was born on the anniversary of the Mexican Revolution, and became a global sensation after starring in one of the great films written and directed by the late Blake Edwards?

Ten questions would have been enough, but this quiz goes to eleven (like the Pointer Sisters).  Eleven answers would be impressive, eleven correct would be even better! 

To keep things fair and above-board, please email your answers here to avoid anyone using your answers to better their cause. 

Winners will be announced January 1st, so get cracking!

God didn't buy me a satellite

Not that I expected Him to, nor did I ask.  Certainly, there are far larger things going on in the world than my having to listen to broadcast radio.

All the same, having spent the last three months nearly commercial-free, almost always finding music to suit my mood, whatever mood that may be, suddenly being faced with static, lost stations, non-stop ads, unwitty 'witty morning banter' and country music (actually, it's both kinds: country and western) is like torture.

(And not the good kind, with spankings...)

It was something, driving to lunch with typical early-80's new wave in the background, only to get back in the car after some great tacos to nothing.  Well, an XM advertisement looping non-stop, but not early-80's new wave, to be sure.

I can't say they didn't warn me.  I ignored the mail, the phone calls at inopportune times, even the emails.  Because part of me cringes at the idea of paying for radio.  However, that part is the one with no short-term memory, the holier-than-thou part of my brain that forgets we hate commercials, unwitty 'witty morning banter' and country music.  It's also the same part of my brain that hates buying bottled water or paying for cable, but those are completely different subjects.

I'm just going to have to break down and pay the XM piper, aren't I?

On an unrelated note, have you noticed the trusty sidebar here at CDS Enterprises?  There's a nifty little PayPal button over there, where you can achieve great esteem in the eyes of this site's author by donating to the XM cause.  


No?  Then at least click the email link and ask the nerdy fat guy an interesting question.  It's the least you could do.

Dinnertime - Low and slow, that is the tempo

Mmmm, Crockpottery goodness. Sometimes (often times, I suppose) simple meals are the best. Last night's dinner was no exception. It's 'cold' here in Florida, and the occasional tang of woodsmoke in the air just adds to that wintry feeling. I love comfort foods, slow-cooked meats and the unctuous mouthfeel of melted fat. Add to that a bottle of very nice wine and my Bitsy Pookums, and dinner was incredible. This is a little more involved than some crock-pot dishes, but well worth that last half hour of work, trust me.

In the morning, combine the following in your crock pot:

4# chuck roast
4 cups carrots, peeled and cut to bite-size
8 branches of fresh rosemary
1 unpacked cup flatleaf parsley (I just grabbed a handful off the bunch)
4 cloves garlic, slivered
1 cup slivered onions
1/2 cup red wine
1 Tbsp celery salt, sprinkled on roast
Salt & Pepper

Turn the slow cooker on low heat for seven or eight hours. When you're ready to finish the meal, you will need:

8-10 pearl onions
4 cups rough-chopped mushrooms (I used cremini, shiitake, and oyster)
2 Tbsp butter
1 Tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup red wine now
3-4 Tbsp flour
4 cups beef juices, divided (from the slow cooker, add water to supplement)
3 cups frozen baby peas, thawed
1/4 cup red wine later

Pierce the onions with a paring knife right next to the root end. Add to boiling water and boil for 10 minutes or until tender. My Julia Child trick, the piercing. I watched her belittle Jacques Pepin on national television for not piercing the onions, as they will expand uncontrollably without that release point. Drain and cool in ice water. Remove the root end and outer layers of the onions and reserve.

In a heavy saute pan, melt butter with olive oil until bubbling. Once bubbling subsides, add chopped mushrooms. You will want larger pieces, as they will cook down and you don't want them dwarfed by the other vegetables.

Something I learned about mushrooms that makes me very happy. DON'T TOUCH THEM. Let them sizzle away in one spot until you just can't take it anymore, then toss them. This allows them to take on a beautiful golden-brown crispiness instead of just steaming down. Do it. You will be rewarded.

Once the mushrooms are golden brown, add the pearl onions to the pan to allow them to soak up that delicious color. Sprinkle with two tablespoons of flour, and cook until flour has all but disappeared in the pan. Add 1/2 cup of red wine, and cook until all moisture is gone. Add half of the juices from the roast and stir, you'll see the sauce thicken. Because I don't separate the fat from the juices, this fat will rise to the top of the pan. Gauge this and measure 1-2 tablespoons of additional flour into a sealed container, then add the remainder of the juices and create a slurry by shaking the container vigorously. Add this to the saute pan and allow to simmer.

Remove the roast from the slow cooker and allow to rest, covered. Retrieve the carrots from the slow cooker and add to saute pan. Just before serving, add remaining wine and the peas to the saute pan and stir to combine. Spoon the sauce over shredded beef.

I love the egg noodles with this, but you can also serve over mashed or boiled potatoes. Parsnips and rutabaga would also be a nice addition. This makes four healthy portions, and you can adjust depending on the size of roast you buy.

As for the wine:

I had an open bottle of shiraz in the refrigerator, a Mollydooker Boxer if you must know. Thanks to early experiences and this Monty Python sketch, I've shied away from the Australians. The Mollydooker, when I opened it very long ago, was slightly reminiscent of cough medicine, so syrupy it was. But it still worked for cooking. From the same friend as the Mollydooker, I had an '05 Midnight Run Crow Eater, a blend of shiraz and grenache that was much friendlier than a full syrah. It was a bright, high-alcohol wine, and really stood out with the luscious earthiness of dinner. Certainly one of the best bottles we've had in a while.

Hobbes was fond of his dram

And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart. No question.

Several of you have questioned the reference to my bitsy-pookums. My snoogy-woogy.

This is, of course, Lori. And the nickname, classic Hobbes.
No, not that Hobbes. This Hobbes:
Consider turning your head sideways as exercise for the day.

A firm grip, he said knowingly.

Nudge nudge, wink wink.

Always a joy when my state of birth (and still my 'home state', even though we don't live there anymore) makes headlines. Even moreso when those headlines don't involve a grisly cannibalistic serial killer, annual alcohol consumption or the latest obesity ratings.

Unfortunate initials abound, but I wasn't as amused by this as I was by the link within the story to a previous unintentional logo, make sure you follow the story about the expensive new marketing campaign at the bottom of the article. And if you don't get it, you're not doing it right.

Thanks to Stuart for providing us with this little gem.