Random Rubbish.

Okay.
Ramadhan month is just around the corner.
And really looking forward to that.
hehehe.

But the thing is, I hate my migraine.
Been having it for three days now.
It getting worse.
Usually, I don't have this heaviness feeling and pain on my left eye.
It only felt better if I just close my eyes and do nothing.

As for today, and i know that my migraine has not subside.
I tried to climbed the stairs heading to the 4th floor.
Visiting one of our batch mate there.
for awhile, yes I felt okay.
Just about the clock strokes at the 10th minutes, I started to felt serious pounding on my head, my heart aches, my body readily to be shutdown. My vision starts to blur for awhile. At that point, I just beg please dont fall now. I dont want to make a scene here.
Luck is by my side, I guess. Our batch mate seems tired and he want to take a nap. I got my chance to excused myself. Make my own way through the door, and take a deep breath and lean on the wall.

So. I really hope so that the migraine will soon subside.
I really cant read or do anything if it comes.

until next time.

Mirror | rorriM

Good morning again.
Today, I woke as early as I could for my morning walk/ jog.
For a mean while, I came across a painter/ writer when I were looking for some particular books online.

I was browsing through his site and came to glimpse this one painting/ sketches that he drew.

And I said. This piece is totally mirror image of me.
everything came into place and yes, I started to had opinion that how sucks and miserable my life were and yes, present too.

How do I kept myself away from looking at the same mirror ?.
Asking why.

And I ventures myself deep through his works and it has made me mesmerized an sometimes laughed analyzing his pieces.

That made me want to start anew my passion, ignite it to just ignore everything and just making sure that my miserable life has a portion time for me to do something what I like most. Not to over think that I had no time to do it.

Porridge !

Well hello.
Good Morning.
(it kinda out of the blue, for me to post something in the early morning !)

here is the thing.
I've been craving for porridge (like the triple Eggs combo with salted vegetable and serious spicy chili sauce). Well, due to the "adequate" appliances, I am unable to fulfill my desire.

Look at the brighter side of the sun (like sun has another brighter side ?), I'd came up with a simple solution. Which are instant oat ( you gotta be kiddin' me !).

Hahaha.
that is the closest porridge like consistency I ever ate. And it does not requires lot of gadget to cook it ! hah !. All i need was hot boiling water for about one cup, my triple combo eggs, salted vege and well need to do some hocus-pocus with the chili sauce. And it turn out to be good. (according to my senseless taste bud).

I would not post the photo of that oat here. You would not going to have it anyway. hahaha !.

Well yeah, I tried with fruits too. Apple and banana, banaple oat. no need to add extra sugar to sweeten the oat. Natural sugar from the fruits do the magic itself.

Going to try something new. maybe putting canned tuna with some vegetables ?
Or maybe, coffee oaty ? (sound so weird, I bet it taste great !).

Okay. enough talking about oats. I need to get ready and read up some notes.
till next time !.

Things That I'd Noticed

Things that I Noticed.

I've been trying to find the reasons why I am here.
Standing, walking and sleeping in such state.
Yet, I have not found the answer.

Far ago I fought myself to be in medical college.
Now, all of it just vanished into thinned air.

I have been neglecting everything.

And that moment, I also start to noticed things that I should be noticed earlier.
It might cruel and selfish, but this is what I truly felt.

Presences.
Without my presence, they seems to be happy, more happier.
Without my presence, they seems to had lot of fun.
Without my presence, they seems to be enjoying things more than usual.
Without my presence, things look to be in the direct orders.

Without my presence, they seems to be free.

At that point I said to myself that never show your presence to world again.

I am the boundaries for the environment to enjoy what they had missed when I'm around.

I am the bricks of wall that prevent them to explore the other side of the wall.

I am the barrier that confined them within.

Now I realized that, my presence just a mere disturbance.
My presence just a stench that lurks in the forest, killing every living creatures that live.

Things tend to be great with the invisible me.
Cutting down all the connections is the best way of making my presence disappear.

Going back to the place where I came from.
Where lone is the best occupy of me.
Back to where it started.

Updated.

Assalamualaikum & Good Evening.

First of all, I am kinda shook with the blogger new layout and designs.
erghhh.

I hate 'em!.

It look so up to date and futuristic !. ( That does not mean that I am too old to blog!).

I am not to fancy with this new interface.

Forget about it.

________________________________________________________________________________

It has been a long time since I updated my blog.
Way long time.

I dont have the necessary wisdom and valor to really do some typing and letting words come out from my head.

And right now, at this moment.


Nothing.

The | flashback

I never felt like this before. Well, not as intense as it should not be.




Did i miss home that much ?.








I had my lunch at prima inn as usual. But the unusual was that, I, got my eyes gazed at a blue unser, which is belongs to my family, and suddenly I wanted to call out you know who. It was like a dejavu when my mom or my dad driving through at our front yard.

By keeping a car here with me is totally making me feel I'm at home.

For the past few weeks, I had this feeling-kinda action that I was at my house and not my room, here. I was searching for my speed-wind fan that is located at the living-room which is that is "my room". It is been quite some times now for this matter to happened.

or maybe that I am worried for something.

I don't know.

My eldest brother is getting married this coming june and my mom and aunt is going for umrah too at the same month and I will be having my second selanjar few weeks after that. I need to escape classes at least until my mom safely reached tanah suci.

I don't know.

Everything is all mixed up. All those feeling at home and here.

i know I am not a great child, but I hope everything goes well for mom and aunt. and my brother too.

I really do hope that they are fine.

I have kept avoiding places that can reminds me of home. But that does not help much. I am still cling to the same emotion and presences.

I called my mom for the first time since I am here two years ago. Usually we just text at each other to update any hot stories regarding our family or any update of those effing basket relative that never care about others except for money and wealth that keep on bothering our family.

Maybe I am just scared. Since now the only left in our house is my lil brother and my sister and dad. That would make me keep on thinking and worrying too much.

I don't know.

Thanks for reading anyway.
It has been quite awhile since I updated my blog.

cheers.

I am Crazy !

okay, this is going to be a quickie !
I have not update my blog since last year.
I got so much in mind and I really want to kill my mind right now.

Just a matter of updating myself and to keep me reminded of what and why am I entering medical school.
I just like being in the hospital ! I like the smell of it ! (except for the urine and stool odours). It keeps me motivated when see-ing patients' family members helping each other to take care of their beloved. Yes ! after 3 whole days spending at the Surgery ward really opened up my mind and yes, this thick blacked heart of mine !!.

I need to keep up with the physical examinations routines ! I suck at that !! .. History taking is much better compared to the 1st time I clerked my patient. And yeah ! the language ! .. hmmmm ... I hope that my kelantanese friend which is now staying in KL to teach me how to understand kelantanese slang.

Okay. that is it for now.
I need to sleep and finish doing my case writing so that I can go back home with happy feet, heart and soul.

good night bitches !