I hesitate admitting this, because it makes me feel ungrateful. But, sometimes I look at other people and just envy them. Don't get me wrong - I am happy! And usually I don't envy everything about a person, but on tough days I'll look at aspects of other people's lives and think, "Wouldn't it be nice to have their ____?" And it's usually someone I'm somewhat close to. If you're reading this, I've probably felt it about YOU. I'll look at someone and think, they're: prettier than me, more creative than me, skinnier than me, more graceful, better dressed, better educated, have a better job, bigger/nicer house, etc. Yesterday, I had one of those days. I don't know what sets it off, either. But it seems like some small negative thing will happen, and next thing you know, I'm diving off the deep end with feeling inadequate.
It put me in a funk for most of the day, until I was helping with a dear friend's wedding last night. I offered to get to the reception early to help out in the kitchen with serving refreshments. I was there, in the frenzy, for several hours without much time to think about my silly, selfish, envy. I was just being there for a good friend when she needed me. I saw a lot of old friends, and an old bishop, come through the reception. For some reason, it was just the therapy that I needed. I remembered how incredibly blessed I've been to have great friends, teachers, and mentors in my life. Life really isn't that bad! In a small moment, I re-learned a lesson that the Savior taught - that in order to find purpose in life, lose yourself in the service of others. I was so busy helping others, that I was able to forget the selfish thoughts that had been clouding my mind that day, and realize the tender mercies that I've been blessed with.
And you know what? Life is really good.
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| Me, Natalie, Angela | at the wedding reception |
