I just drank a Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke and then...read this from my friend Zaq

WATER OR COKE?

WATER

1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.

2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so
weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.

3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's
metabolism as much as 3%.

4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger
pains for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a
University of Washington study.

5. Lack of water, the ..1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses
of water a day could significantly ease back and
joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy
short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and
difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a
printed page.

8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the
risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the
risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less
likely to develop bladder cancer.

And now for the properties of COKE:

1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol
carries two gallons of coke in the truck to remove
blood from the highway after a car accident.

2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and
it will be gone in two days.

3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into
the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one
hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke
removes stains from vitreous China.

4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub
the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap
aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals:
Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble
away the corrosion.

6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked
in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into
the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and
bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished,
remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix
with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke
into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run
through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help
loosen grease stains.

9. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

For Your Info:

1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid.
Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4days.
Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones
and is a major contributor to the rising increase in
osteoporosis.

2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the
commercial truck must use the Hazardous material
place cards reserved for Highly corrosive materials.

3. The distributors of coke have been using it to
clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

Now the question is, would you like a coke or a glass
of water?

Have A Great Day and Share It With Others


***Y'all prolly already knew all of that but I didn't. I have ADD at work like you wouldn't believe! Maybe you would if you read my blog ;)

What did I do?

I should have known it wouldn't be easy. Today I sent in my timesheet to the dance company accountant because they have to be in every Monday before 8pm. I sent mine at 3pm. This is the email volley that followed:

AccountManager to Me:
Hi Crista,
Once you return all company belongs, your check will be processed.
Thanks!
Me to AccountManager:
okay,
what company belongs do I have?
AccountManager to Me:
I have no idea as I am not there. Ask Layla & she can tell you.
Thanks!
Me to AccountManager:
Thank you ---, I will.
:)
Me to CompanyOwner/Choreographer:
Hi ----,
I recieved an email from ---- stating that my paycheck would be processed when I returned all company belongings. I inquired as to what I needed to return and she responded she didn't know but to ask you. I assume she is referring to the two DVD's so I will send them tomorrow unless you prefer me to give them to someone in particular, let me know. I can't think of anything else of the company's that I have so let me know.
Thanks!
Crista
Company Owner to Me:
the dvd's, any music cd's from the shows, i will charge you for the zills. costmes or material that belongs to the company. thank you
Me to Company Owner:
Thanks,
Okay, I will be sending 2 DVD's and 1 CD that --- made me. I was never given zills, costumes or other materials.


btw, she gave me two choreography DVD's that didn't work. ---- made me a CD with the show music on it to practice the dances which may never be recovered b/c it was in my car at the time of it's demise...I'll try to get it out though. That's it. We ALWAYS leave the costumes at the venue, I was never given zills b/c as I posted before she "gave (mine) away" to someone else. What materials? I think she's just being difficult. Btw2, I had taken Stronger's advice and just written the genaric 2 weeks notice nothing about why just two weeks, thanks for the opportunities and good luck. Did I err? I even showed up, ten minutes early and looking lovely to the performance I was scheduled for on Saturday. I am a professional. Maybe it'll be nothing but I feel as if she's going to do everything in her power to hurt me. Oh well, we'll see what comes of it all. Seriously I'd rather forget the paycheck and just move on if it comes to that.

Blog Hog

This is what I do in my spare moments. What can I say? I'm ADD

So apparently my Birthday, July 16, is . . . . International Juggling Day (along with it being Ginger Rogers birthday which I happen to think can't possibly be a coincidence)

go to http://library.thinkquest.org/2886/ and find out what your bday is. It's kinda cool b/c a couple of highschool kids compiled it.

Oh Kristen!

Kristen Chenowith...you know, Wicked co-star, You're a Good Man Charlie Brown, Television Premier of Music Man...BROADWAY STAR...is on the cover of FHM (clad only in small pink bikini)! She is an alumn at my school and nearly every quiz or test had a bonus question about her, OCU was really proud of her fame. I wonder if her magazine cover will be displayed proudly in the quad ;)

AND

Kristen Bell of Veronica Mars is on the cover of Maxim. I thought that was funny. It's like Kristen month....

btw, I saw these magazines at a gas station this morning :)

Fundraiser

Okay, would any women be interested in a 1.5 hours belly-dancing introduction workshop (read 1.5 hours of moving your hips in a safe non-judgemental environment)? I am trying to raise money for a new car and this seems like the most fun I could possibly have! I have some belly dancing skills and some new music and a room for us girls to shake our stuff. Let me know...Saturday, Sunday or a weeknight.

He he he...this was Brendon's suggestion believe it or not.

Other services for hire...I give great massages but I'm not certified, and I've taught swim lessons, jazz, funk, ballet, and (my favorite) tumbling!...just throwin' it all out there :)

Original Post....

**warning, this post is a long and personal digression. getting stuff off my chest**

I have a perception problem. This is not new. In light of my accident I thought I'd analyze my life with this theme. You see, I perceived there to be no cars...there was a car. My perception was wrong.

Perception is my ugly little demon. The girls in the BD company told me I looked in the fun house mirror. They used that phrase for me quite often like "oh, but she looks through the funny mirror...". After struggling for about 8 years with anorexia (and 1 with bulemia), I really can't deny the fact that my perception of myself seems to be different from others. I can't look in a mirror with out dissapointment and pictures of myself are thier own battleground. My idea of "right" for my body is along the lines of the Kate Moss', Phiona Apples of the world. And I'll never look like that. Never.

My roommate and I sometimes think the other is mad and we end up ignoring each other for days...sometimes weeks until one of us cracks and we realize neither of us were mad...just quiet one day and it began to snowball.

I should have learned not to trust my perception, it has fooled me time after time. I harbor some pain over my miscalculations. But I still don't learn sometimes. Growing up I had certain perceptions of what was going on around me, then I found they were misguided, then my perception changed again...how can I be sure of anything?

One hurt in particular has been quite raw for a long time, my perception of my parents, individually and as whole. My ideas of good, bad, love, faith, value...et.al. where shaped during their reign. As anyone can say. The addition of abuse, religious clash, and divorce has left all of their 6 kids reeling. We each manifest our issues differently.

I don't like to dwell on my childhood, but it is a recurring theme as I peel apart hurts and bonds. So many things that occurred manifest themselves in the way I conduct myself now, the way I percieve. At this stage in my life where I am making small and large decisions I am aware that both have lasting effects. As a friend warned me recently, I haven't made decisions involving marriage, divorce, children, lives...ect. My trivial issues don't amount to kids hating thier parents, hurting themselves, people with years of recovery. But they will. I am 23, making career decisions, partner decisions, faith decisions. This is a dangerous time to have perception problems. Feel me?

In light of my search for truth and accuracy in perception, I finally confronted my Dad on an issue I've harbored a long time. Watching my little brothers viscious cycle, it's hard for me to continue in my path away from bitterness. The abuse we experienced as children was magnified on him, being the youngest and the one "unexpected" burden. My Dad and I were discussing a particular defining moment where, at the age of 5, my little brother was threatened in a particular way and my Dad witnessed it instead of just us kids. He expressed his horror and his sorrow at what became a daily occurance for Eric. I couldn't hold myself back anymore "I know have no right to ask this but why didn't you protect us? Why when I was six did you make his safety my responsibility? why didn't you take us away, why couldn't you be Dad? " This was a a deep seated arrow in my heart. Day after day, year after year things happened to us. I was told to bide my time, stick it out, pray,protect and understand. Why didn't Dad want to save us? It was not our doing, but it was indirectly his because of his choices. My Dad, as always, answered me without reproach. His reply...He wouldn't have gotten custody, therefore leaving us even more exposed. This had happened to him in a previous marriage. While I have to work to make my heart believe him, it's a start. "you mean, you wanted to protect us?" I guess that's all I wanted, I wanted him to want to protect us. I have been fortunate in the last year to speak so freely with my parents. I have started to ask the questions that allow me to piece together my childhood. What I experienced, I experienced through child eyes and I have the opportunity to view it from thier side and from an older perspective. That is healing for me and allows me to not recreate the past in my own life, it allows me to pick through and sort the constructive from the inconstructive. Because I had so many good things in my life from my parents and others, I want to be able to seperate good from bad and be thankful for the good and learn from the bad. I want to have accurate perception. And I want to be released from the guilt I feel about my bitterness to my parents, the bitterness I pressed down and smiled through. I want release from guilt of not being able to protect my little brother, my little sister, my older brother. I want release from the fear I have of being an abuser. I want release from feeling like everything I touch falls apart...though I'm not sure where that fits into in all this but it does I'm sure.

I'm selfish, I know, I want to be alright. I want Eric to graduate and finally feel loved and safe. I want to make righteous choices..I want, I want, I want....

Objects in the mirror....

I just deleted a long post. I had written it, posted and taken a shower. Just writing it helped me sort some things out, I felt immediate release. Wow! Sometimes, I need to talk to others to get things off my chest. In this case, just the act of removing the thoughts from my brain left me feeling lighter, better. I supressed for a long time. Unsupressing through writing was my act of survival. The post served it's purpose. So I deleted it.

On to more important things, like the fact that my first wrinkle (it's by my nose) got burnt from airbag stuff and now is a leathery streak where once only a wrinkle stood. My first wrinkle. I find that entertaining for some reason...

Update on Eric

My little brother, after going AWOL twice, went back to the army of his own accord, apologized to his officers and will, unless he does something between now and then, graduate from bootcamp on March 10th! This is huge. The first time he has gone back and willingly accepted anothers authority. I'm so proud of him. I wish I had a picture ready to post...he's quite a handsome 17yr old stud :)

The Flesh...It Burns!

 

Okay, new issue. Remember how I lost my little Toyota Paseo in an unfortunate Jiffy Lube excursion?

Well, I got in an accident today with my sisters car that I had shipped out here from Ohio. Turning left out of the office lot I failed to see a man on the left who hit my driverside, set off both airbags in my car. Praise God for several things...he is fine, his car is drivable, no airbags in his car deployed, I can walk, I got out of my car, I have insurance and a great job and no other committments to leave (the first time I've been in such a situation), my boyfriend is awesome and came to my aide, as did my bosses and coworkers who took pics and helped me get and give info.

You will notice I look like rudolph the famous reindeer. My jaw is sore and my face is burned from the airbag that saved me from a worser fat. I have some cuts on my chest and my wrist...glass I think from the windsheild or possibly from the necklace I was wearing, some bruises on my knee and shin...and I'm a little dazed. But I'm healthy, my boyfriend and roommate love me and my Dad was glad I was safe.

Perhaps this is my immediate opportunity to put into practice my cries for a simpler lifestyle, more focus, more sleep. I can embrace my carless poverty ;) and choreograph, write, plan, save, walk...ect. It's more constructive than beating myself up for being a stupid idiot who has just gotten into the second accident of her young life. For crying out loud I have only been driving for 8 years. But I guess considering all the road trips from OKC to CA to Chicago to Cincinnati and the million trips to LA I took...I'm one lucky reindeer! 

Issue of the Hour

I like getting peoples advice so here is my trivial dilemma today.

I was offered a job on Friday. To teach Ballroom at Arthur Murray...full-time. They'd train me and I'd teach and make money. The first week I would prolly make the minimum $270.00. After I had students though I would make the base rate $270 or my hourly whichever was higher. The lowest level is $13/40 minute lesson...each level is another dollar...I would never make less than 270. I would have to quit my day job. I would teach 1pm -10pm mon-fri.

Pros:

no desk job
learn ballroom
get to perform w/ students in competitions across the country
sleep in/work out..ect in the mornings
weekends free

Cons:

SEVERLY limits performing gigs to Sat/Sundays only
don't see Brendon until after 10...that's kind of usual anyway though but still
pay cut for a while
if I want to quit to take a performing job I can't b/c I don't have another breadwinning job


does anyone have advice? I have until March 6 until training from 2-5pm starts and then start teaching around M.20th

Life Less Ordinary

So here are some of the interesting things I experienced as a professional Belly Dancer:

1. Two weekends ago I was helped up onto a chair to dance for a large party of couples and money was poured over my head as I danced. It was a crazy experience. That is a form of praise for being a good dancer or a beautiful girl. If your thinking randy men, think again I had a woman screaming and clapping for her husband as he showered me in bills (all ones though....hmmm). They were all 40-50 years old.

2. That same night a woman sitting at a table with a priest grabbed my arm and asked for our business card. She wanted us to dance at her wedding. The priest next to her smiled and nodded.

3. I did once have some one yell as I came on stage to "shake your money maker baby"...to which I could only communicate my dissapproval with glares his direction.

4. Almost every weekend parents would bring thier adolescent sons and make them tip the dancers. It was the same all the time. Mom and Dad hand 13 year old money to put in the dancers skirt while the son protests however he can verbal, ignoring, vigerous scooting away. It seemed like a rite of passage. It felt weird to me but my huge Italian nonsense is really different.

5. I got to dance with little girls who would start off shy and then as I coaxed them to dance with me would get huge grins on thier faces. The parents always cheered and coaxed their daughters. That was my favorite part :)

6. Instead of a tip one night a man gave me a picture he had drawn of me on a napkin...and he signed it. You should have seen the look I got at the grocery store when I tried to buy a balance bar with it ;)

7. A woman at a near by table kept tapping my back as I was dancing for an opposite table. Thinking she wanted me to dance for her table I turned around. She grabbed my stomach and then started giggling and talking to her fellow diners...that's all she wanted, to touch my belly. She was like 65.

8. On a similar note a man at a party tipped me and then turned to his table to express how solid my stomach was. It was wierd because he did it right in front of me...but rad, right?

9. My skin is REALLY soft now from putting lotion mixed with glitter on it 4-6 times a week!

10. I have danced with candles and veils now...and they are pretty cool props. I would have never been exposed to dancing with veils otherwise.

11. On that fateful saturday night, after the stressful performance in Westwood a woman tracked me down and whispered in my ear "you are the most beautiful. Great job". I was stoked.

12. I have deposited large amounts of ones at the local bank. I look like a woman of ill-repute. But I'm not!

13. Belly dancing allows you to dance with your hips and curves and arms. I am very intune with my sensuality. I always have been kinda that way but wow, belly dancing 6 nights a week has heightened my feminine mystique...

14. I made some good friends. I hope we can keep in touch...

Over and Out...

Well, I did it, put in my 2 weeks notice. It may seem small, but to me it's a big deal. I have never NEVER quit a performing job. I love performing and I know how saturated the business is. Since I moved out here, I have not been without a performing job of some sort for the last year and then some. I struggled to get the first one. AND, I am not a quitter or a sissy. I can take it! But I decided in this case, not too. I had this feeling that something great was waiting for me and I was putting it off out of fear, fear of giving up on the BD company. Fear of being without a performing job, fear of relaxing and having free time. I haven't had free time since middle school. Yesterday, I had free time. I got off work, went for an hour long jog/walk, which for me is GREAT, showered went to Brendon's and made dinner and watched "24". I am finally going to put my body into shape. I have a few areas I want to work on...1. Endurance, that's where the jogging/soon to be running comes along. 2. Tone. ah, tone, I want that Cali girl body. I'll probably never look like a lot of the girls running around here, especially the dancers but I want crazy good abs and defined arms. 3. Flexibility. I'm pretty flexible but I want to be able to say that long into my 60's and I can improve on my flexibility now!
Oh, and I will take dance classes. But I allowed myself to not yesterday. In fact I don't have to all week. Why, because right now it's rebound..."if I don't take a dance class, I'll fall behind, I won't be dancer, I'll be a loser"..and I am going to dance because I want to dance not because I have to prove myself...to myself. whew! all that thinking makes me tired!

and btw, Linkin Park really is the best to jog/walk and soon run to.

Last Rant with MaryJane...

Saturday I recieved a call from the dance company manager informing me that, since she didn't send a schedule out this weekend, I was working at Place X in Irvine where I usually dance on Saturday nights. Okay. At 5 Brendon and I discovered my rear passenger tire was flat due to a nail. So Bren took me to X at 7pm and planned to pick me up at 11pm when we were done. The show ran long and I walked backstage at 11:15 to find my cell ringing. Previously mentioned dance owner/choreographer tyrant was calling. She said "you have to be at Place Y in Westwood, on stage at 11:45. You can't be late, and you all have to be good. Go, hurry, leave in your costumes and run". We promptly packed up as the place was a GOOD 45 minutes-1 hr away and there was already no way we could make it. It was pouring down rain. I asked the girls as I was packing if someone could take me home after as I didn't have a car. They said we'd figure it out there but we had to go. We jumped in the car and ran. Long story short, we were late, as you can imagine. Club owner reamed us out, Company Owner was pissed, eventually we got onstage at 1 something or other, rocked the house and finished. Club Owner was pleased enough. Company Manager happened to be dancing at a nearby club and she lived in OC like me, so I called to ask if she would mind giving me a ride home. She said no prob, could someone take me to close by hookah bar and she would pick me up. Sure. So that is what we did. She took me to my gate (one exit past hers on the freeway) and I got home 4am. I was exhausted but whatev. Sunday afternoon I get a call from Company Owner who is PISSED that I asked Company Manager for a ride home. "It is not her responsibility to take care of you, how thoughtless. You can't use her like that. So your tire was flat, it's your responsibility to get home. I know you weren't planning on going to Westwood, but that's part of being in the company. Company Manager was supposed to be at a party with her boyfriend. It was three o'clock in the morning and you put her in a bad position. She felt bad, what was she going to leave you up there? (apparently that would have been a better option) and then, you made her pick you up at Hookah Bar. How would you feel? Other people have lives too...ect. and then, Crista, have the class to offer her gas money" Okay, in my defense, when I got inside I was like "crap, I forgot to give her $ for gas, oh well, I will give it to her when I see her on Monday". She seriously went a total of like 5 miles out of her way. The Company Owner reemed me out a good twenty minutes or so. Brendon was sitting next to me and after a certain point he started saying "give me the phone, Crista, give me the phone, put her on hold, give me the phone" I didn't give it to him, I shut the conversation down with a "I understand what you are telling me. I'll be calling CM now. Goodbye" Brendon was so cute. He was like "I'm going to call her back. I can talk to her. Let me talk to her" I really appreciated his concern. But I knew it was my responsibility to take care of business. I called CM and told her "CO just called me and let me know that I was out of line to ask you for a ride home. It was never my intent to use you, I did not realize it was putting you out." She replied "oh, no, it's okay. I just don't want people to get in the habit of calling me for help and I should have asked that the girls drop you off at the club I was at (yah, they offered and she said for them to take me to hookah bar)." right okay. First of all, she lives in Orange County as opposed to LA, she was driving back anyone and she said "sure no problem" she didn't say "well, do you have any other options?". I was under the impression that we do what has to get done. I use my lunchbreak to pick up candles for the dancers, I always come with all my stuff, 10 minutes early and so I have lent glitter, pins, pens, lighters, undergarments, accessories, to whoever needed. No, I'm not a martyr...I'm a dancer and part of company. That is how it works. I have given rides...ect. That's how it is. Well, that's how I thought it was. I think that is my last straw. I wrote the following letter, I'm just praying and thinking before I send it:


Dear X, Y and Z,
I am writing to inform you of my two weeks notice before finishing my obligations to Dance Company. I am informing that my last date available for scheduling is Monday March 6, 2006. After that, I could fill in if there was a need on a case by case basis but I would not be part of the company. I cannot continue to be abused and mistreated in the way I have witnessed and recieved treatment in this company. I regard it as highly unprofessional when a company owner has to call and reprimand a dancer for asking a fellow dancer for a ride home.
I have read and understood the contract and will abide by the provisions set out. Thank you for the opportunities you have given. I wish you the best in the coming year.
Sincerely,
Crista Leopardi

That may be a little much. I should just give my notice. I want to write an advice letter, but, don't we all in these situations. It's sad really. I don't want to quit, but on the other hand, I want to use my time wisely...and keep my sanity. I am willing to work hard, but not for abuse. Enough is enough.

The Beautiful Bouquet

  

According to the following link, the "theme" of my life is the song that was number one on the charts on my 18th birthday.

http://www.thisdayinmusic.com/member/birthdayno1.php

That song was "Bent" by Matchbox 20.

ha ha.

VDay 2006

The last weekend and this week rocked. and I have reflected recently on how lucky I am. Let me start with my great Valentines day. I am not a V-day freak chick. I enjoy celebrating ALL holidays applicable to me because it's fun. When I was single I celebrated V-day...because I could. I read The Vagina Monologues one year and a friend of mine performed in an underground production of it (our campus banned it). One year I made chocolate covered strawberries with a few friends and then watched Amelie over my favorite Wendy's food. I wear red and glitter and I love to eat and give conversation hearts. It aint no thing. I celebrate St. Patricks day nearly the same way except with green colored things...friends, movies..ect.

Now, as you know, I am not single. Last year was relaxed and fun. I had to work at the dinner theater but I was going to go out for dessert with Brendon afterwards. I bought a cute dress and a small gift for B. He ended up really sick so I showed up at his house briefly we exchanged cards and little gifts and I went home. But he also sent me a dozen roses to work :) soooo, thoughtful!

Well, this year, I had been pretty stressed out before hand and it seemed to just appear out of nowhere. I again, had two shows on Vday, one in La Verne and one just slightly north of La Verne. I met Brendon at work over my lunch and brought him a card and a latte :) it's always nice to have a midday rendesvouz. but when I got back to work the most gorgeous bouquet showed up from B! I was not expecting it. First year, okay...but I'm hip to the hassle it is to send flowers to your girl on the 14th. It can be an expensive nightmare. for a "stupid capitalist holiday" - to loosely quote my brother. But B sent this bouquet that was very personal...it has stargazer lillies mixed with roses, alstromeria, lavender and this little white flowers..and it's in a mosaic vase. My favorite flowers are stargazer lilies. For my birthday Bren had them sent to my door. They are so fragrant and beautiful! My bouquet is the bomb. I took pictures. I will actually post them but I'm warning you...the pictures don't do it justice. Sooo then I finished work, readied for dance, went to La Verne, went to other place. I got done at 11pm and drove to B's house. When he opened the door the apartment was lit soley by candlelight. There were Vday balloons. He had made a delicious bittersweet chocolate fondue and had poured chilled champagne...wow! I am so spoiled! Then I opened gifts because his was in disarray in my car. He said no problem. First I got this lotion, body wash stuff I was wanting but not buying because I wanted to save $. It's lavender/sandlewood...mmmmm! Then I pulled out a Nintendo DS complete with a Nintendogs game...just like his! Now I am the proud "owner" of a virtual Chiuaua named Ginger AND since our games can be linked through wireless, when we play in the same room our dogs can play together. You'll know if you read his blog that he has a Pembroke Welsh Corgi named Brando (I named it after Marlon Brando!). Also we played Bust a Move against each other (he smoked me, twice).

The thing is I'm not a crazy, show me you love me, valentines freak. But the fact that he sent me flowers to work floored me and made me feel so special. I guess that's the idea huh? Well it worked. Thanks honey :)

Because it's Valentines Day

"I love you not only for what you are, but for who I am when I am with you."

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Music!

Oh, yesterday I treated myself to one of my favorite things to do. I like to look at the "breakout" albums and buy one I've never heard of (which, lets face it, is like, any of them) but one that I like the cover. So yesterday I bought "10 Years - The Autumn Effect" and I'm probably the last person to listen to them and everyone's over it, but I just discovered them....at Target for 7.99 and I liked the cover......and I LIKE THE BAND! I really like the album. There is one song I love called "Seasons to Cycles". It's beautiful. If you haven't heard it yet, chech out "Seasons to Cycles". Beautiful.

A Reminder Today

I awoke today, as most days, with anxiety. I have said before, sleep is my battleground, my personal struggle. When I wake up, often I feel heavy and depressed. Why am I getting up and going about my day when I am useless? worthless? it takes so much energy to be worthless. When I was in school I would often cry ceaselessly. I didn't have a specific reason. I hated that. I don't know why the morning demon torments me but I usually combat it by listing the things I need to get done and by listening to music or if I can't listen to music I sing in my head...okay, sometimes I sing out loud too. And I have a few note-cards with scripture verses on them taped to the mirror. They are the same ones I taped on the mirror when Melanie and I first moved in. You may not believe it but I read those verses everytime I am in the bathroom. It's a forced habit. I couldn't tell you right now what the verses say, I just know to read them when I am there. Funny huh? The other thing I do, now that I have some time behind me, is remind myself that this is a morning feeling...simply a feeling, not a reality. I have been waking up in such a state since high school and my life has continued and gotten better and so how I feel in the morning passes once I get to where I am going.

A while ago a friend of mine gave me "The Satisfied Heart" a devotional by Ruth Myers. I never read it. I'm horrible at devotionals because I am horrible at reading the writings of Christians often. I am a Christian, whole-heartedly. But I have this terrible rebellious nature dating back to my childhood against Christian terminology. I NEVER listened to Christian music and I don't listen to much of it now. My family was very Bible-y, using terms and quoting the Commandments, and yet my family was disfunctional and abusive and I have come to be really sensitive to people manipulating the Bible so they can oppress or control. That's the long way of saying I rolled my eyes at "The Satisfied Heart". I picked it up this morning and read the note my friend wrote on the first page. I never see Kelly. She married shortly after graduation and moved to New York. We weren't THAT close really. But she is a fellow dancer and everytime I see her she wants to get in deep...what are you up to, hows it going, how is your heart? and she means it and I am that way. Melanie would describe me as a shot of whiskey...let's just get to the deep stuff. It's true. So I started the first few pages. Here is the scripture from the front of the book that I'm reading this morning:

"If you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God" Proverbs 2:1-5

It reminds me of the story Ed told me about the man in Africa who knew there was someone calling to him and he would shout every day at the top of his lungs "Who are you?". For thirty years he felt this calling, this presence in him. After thirty years, he met a Christian man and recieved Christ and he fell down crying. When asked why he was crying he told of the past thirty years and how happy he was now that he knew who was calling him. He had peace. I probably botched that story, it was amazing when I read it in the email.

Hope Floats....

I found out through his blog that my boyfriend has left me for....a dog (and other animals)! See for yourself (the link below). Now I really have to learn how to cook or I'll never get his attention ;)

http://www.techfreak.net/wp/index.php/archives/2006/02/13/299/


Um...I am assuming of course that I was included in the "time, loved ones, tendons..." speal of course...

Blogthings say...

You Are 28 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

LOST!!!!

ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF!

(ps. so do quotes from Patrick Swayze...thanks Chris, you're the bomb. I would trust my brain to you anyday. Brendon's a pretty big PS fan too...you guys should talk ;) )

Dance Quotes

"O body swayed to music, O brightening glance, How can we know the dancer from the dance?" -William Butler Yeats

"While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. That is why I dance." -Hans Bos

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time this expression is unique. And if you block it it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it." -Martha Graham

When you do dance, I wish you
A wave o' the sea, that you might ever do
Nothing but that.

William Shakespeare, *The Winter's Tale*, Sc. 3, line 140

Another Favorite

hmmmm...we need to take new pictures. This one is over a year old! We're just being lazy and I don't think we've taken any pics for months now...

My Top Ten for Today:

1. Antonio Vivaldi's "Four Seasons". I'm listening to the whole CD on a continuous loop..it's the only thing keeping me from tossing the phone out the window. I really like Autumn.

2. My little black dress I'm wearing that looks right all the time. And it was like, 14 dollars. I'm wearing it right now...

3. with these killer little shoes that I have put off wearing b/c they looked painful but they are actually quite comfy. Yay.

4. My new ringtone on my phone : Breaking the Silence...Linkin Park of course. It makes me happy.

5. Psalm 33 of which I was supposed to have finished and moved on from on Monday and again am I playing Bible Study catch up...but here is a little piece of it..."O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress"

6. Brendon and Melanie who have talked me back from the ledge several times this week.

7. Muffin bars of which I partook this morning...quick, easy, delicious, acceptable on Jenny Craig when consumed with a glass of milk.

8. Coffee. Sorry, I couldn't do without my steaming cup of sin.

9. My new hair color. Thanks go to my stylist at Studio Joli. Her name is Ashley and she's da bomb. My hair is a rich auburn/red...it feels good.

10. The possiblity that I could go to massage therapy school in the next month or so...yeeee!

Brendon's Reaction After Finding The Aviary Closed for Construction This Summer ;)

We'll check it out once spring rolls around!

Update

Another demeaning rehearsal. I learned veil off the dvd a dancer made. I was excited, I even performed it on Saturday at Caspian. So I did it in our groups at rehearsal last night and our group made me anchor (that means I am the front person, everyone follows me). I asked the seasoned veteran and apple of choreographers eye why she wasn't anchor. It seemed to me she responded with a saccarine smile and a "I think she'd like it better if you were, I mean, you know it don't you"...right thanks, feed me to the lions. So I did it, remembered the whole thing, performed it with my eyes. Unfortunately my feed back is "Crista you are holding the veil wrong. Your barrel turns are not right, you are dancing too hard (I'm a cheerleader remember)(oh and she demonstrated my sucky dance style). Go outside and learn it because you don't know it still. But I'm moving on with the other girls" okay. I suck. Suck suck suck. Then after that when we came back in (our group was sent outside to learn it) we did Gypsy which I have NEVER learned but okay. She said "that was better". Right. I'm an actress. Wednesday we have a show just for the owner of Mandoulon so he can be critical and point out who he likes and doesn't like. at least that's what L. said. This is for her to see HER show, so we better be prepared and know all the dances and have all our stuff and "Crista, you have to have a longer fall". Well noone told me the one I was wearing was unacceptable so I continued to wear it...and I asked. Then she said it was tim to practice our zills "who doesn't have any" well I don't and she was like "didn't I give you some?...oh wait, I gave yours away, I remember, Welll.." and I said "I'll practice without them". okay. So do I buy a longer fall or do I quit? am I a sucky quitter or is this unnecessary stress? Do I really want to go grey over a BELLY DANCING COMPANY? or am I not good enough for any company? am I unprofessional and I should be picking these dances up quicker? is there more I could do? AAARRRGH!


Oh and the other update is I already drank 3 cups of coffee...hmmm. I guess I'll wind down with tea and honey later.

Because I Grew Up in Ohio (and everyone thinks it's the same state as Utah for some reason...). I Grew up in Cincinnati.

Subject: A Little Ohio Humor
Comedian Jeff Foxworthy on Ohio:

You may be from Ohio (pronounced "ah-hi-uh") if:
You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange.
You know all the 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and
construction!
You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.
You know what a "buckeye" really is, and have a recipe for candy ones.
"Toward the lake" means "North" and "toward the river" means "South."
You know if other Ohioans are from southern or northern Ohio as soon as
they open their mouths.
You know how to correctly spell Cincinnati.
"Vacation" means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deer
hunting in the fall.
You measure distance in minutes.
Your school classes were canceled because of fog.
Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:
"Where's my coat at?"
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O
salad with marshmallows.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You know what "pop" is.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with
snow.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page
but requires six pages for sports.
If someone says something you don't understand or hear, you say
"Please?"
You call it Krogers even though it is Kroger

Oh Amadeus!

Will listening to Mozart (as opposed to my standard fare of The Killers, Jason Mraz, RENT Soundtrack or Five for Fighting) while I'm at work make me smarter?

Subconcious Longings....

I got my first facial at the salon on Tuesday(I am a spokesmodel for a salon..it's a barter system, I promote and work events they give me free stuff facials, waxing and anything I want to have done to my hair! good gig right?). My skin sucks and the esthetician suggested I drink chammomile tea instead of my standard 4 cups of coffee a day. She said not only is it healthier but it would help me relax...geee...during the 2.5 hour session where I was wrapped in sheets like a mummy with soft music and candles my body twitched and my fists kept clenching. I have issues with relaxation. SOOOOO, today after my first cup.5 of joe I switched to chammomile tea. I dropped the tea bag in the mug w/ some equal and then proceeded to fill my mug with..no not hot water like I meant to, I stuck the mug under the coffee spigot and filled it up. I'm a dork.

Random Musings...

Friday was a great day. Brendon worked from home so, after I got off work (we work half days on Fridays) I brought a book over to Bren's and we spent the afternoon together. It was really nice to hang out together when I am fully awake and not after a show and work day...completely spent. Then I had a two show night at Caspian. They feed us in between shows which is really nice...anything we want. I have consumed more hummus and eggplant borani in the last couple weeks than I thought possible!
After the shows I went to B's house to watch Serenity but we ended up hanging out and talking instead.

Today, I auditioned for "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown" at the dinner theater. There are only two girls, Lucy and Sallie...I'm not holding my breath. My skill is more in the ensemble realm than the leading lady/girl thing. But it was fun. Now Brendon and I are going to shop for his Birthday party tomorrow, clean, read...until I have Caspian shows tonight.

Tomorrow we have church and then Superbowl at three and B's party after and I have a show.

I love the weekends!

Not the end of the world but...

...a little set back to my ego. Here was my rejection speech after the cruise ship audition. The cruise ship my sister is already on.


"Well Crista, you are cute as a button. Your energy is just what we're looking for and you seem like the kind of person who always gives 150%. My problem is with your style. It looks like you've had some cheerleading or drill team in your background. Your body doesn't seem a fit with our choreography. I'd hate to put you on a ship and you not be able to keep up. So, I think you should get some more voice lessons and audition for ken or I again in six months to a year to be a singer dancer (F2). The dancing is a little less demanding. Your sisters a great veteran and I know you would be too"

Well, what is the highest insult you can give a dancer? Tell her she dances like a cheerleader...

on the other hand they think with a little help I could be singer dancer which is higher paid position and they get their own room. I still had to nurse my wounds and contemplate throwing in the towel. I don't dance like a cheerleader, I'm belly dancing for crying out loud. but, I won't argue that I need to tighten up my voice.

Bedroom Eyes

and I don't mean the sexy kind. My lids are ready for reclining. I'm so tired. Anyone who knows me knows this is more of a way of life than a situation. I live tired. It's okay for the most part, I don't know what to give up to get more sleep so until I do, this is how it is.

Sleep has always been a battleground for me since childhood. I have chronic nightmares (much less now than before though). I always felt safer on a couch than in a bed, eventually I slept in a hand-me-down futon which was couch-like enough and a papason chair. My sister slept in my room every night. We shared a room until I was 15 or 16 anyway.

The past week has been particularly rough though. I tried sleeping in the loft bed I recently purchased. I had these half-lucid dreams that spiders were crawling over me...a fear of mine since I found one in my hand under a pillow one night in Oklahoma. I moved to the couch mid-early-morning. Monday and Tuesday I had horrible fatigue in my eyes. Last night was wierd though. I fell asleep on Brendon's couch in exhaustion around 11:30pm which is like early afternoon for me. He tried to wake me up, I couldn't even open my eyes. I remember it was painful. I thought I was going to burst into tears if he made me get up. I think I scared him a little or at least frustrated him because I kept saying "I can't, I can't get up". It was only midnight and I had taken the day off work b/c I was exhausted. I felt like my heart was pounding away in my chest. Now, it could've been a sugar spell...it was his birthday and we had just split a piece of chocolate cake from Macaroni Grill and I had a few pieces of Dove chocolate hearts...bad Crista!! I know better than that! I don't react well to sugar, my heart pounds and I get sleepy, plus I feel fat when I eat salad let alone chocolate cake...but this seemed worse than that. Today, I'm exhausted again. Fortunately I am not performing tonight. I have to learn veil before tomorrow, so I'll be watching the dvd to learn that, but I don't have to exert much.

Rock and Hard Place

Please pray for my little brother if you can. He's gone AWOL from bootcamp twice. They don't know what to do with him now. He went back voluntarily both times. He threatened to kill himself on the field so they took away his gun and his shoelaces. They made him go to a Psych evalutation where he told off the psychiatrist and the session ended. They are at an impasse. They can send him to prison, they can give him a dishonorably discharge...I think they are waiting to see if he'll just adjust. He does not allow others to have authority. Too bad he's a flippin' genius. His superiors are so perplexed. They said he's a perfect marksman, in excellent physical fitness...awesome. But "there's something wrong with him". The sad part is he was four weeks away from going home. Apparently my Dad had talked him into doing reserves instead of active duty. Eric had fought long and hard for active duty, but my Dad swayed him at the end.

What to do? Nothing, wait for now. I think of all the people in his young life that could've helped him and chose to use him instead, to abuse him. What a lot.