..:: Tentang Sesuatu ::..

Cancer Warriors Mindset Shifts

2026-05-16T08:14:48.350+03:00

1. Take It One Day at a Time

When you first receive a diagnosis, your mind naturally jumps ahead to all the “what ifs” — What if the chemotherapy doesn’t work? What will happen next month? This can quickly become overwhelming.

The shift: Focus only on today. If today you are able to get up, eat and smile, that is already a victory.

Don’t fight tomorrow’s battles with today’s strength.

2. Filter the Information You Take In (Information Detox)

It is natural to search online for information about cancer, but it is important to be cautious. Much of the information available can be frightening, outdated, or filled with myths.

The shift: Trust your oncologist and medical team. They understand your exact diagnosis, cancer stage, and treatment plan. Avoid comparing your journey with other people’s stories on the internet.

3. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions (It’s Okay to Cry)

Staying positive does not mean you must suppress feelings of sadness, fear, or anger. Crying is not a sign of weakness or giving up. It is a normal and healthy way to release emotional stress.

The shift: Give yourself permission to feel your emotions and cry if you need to. Then wipe your tears and say to yourself:

“Okay, let’s keep fighting.”

4. Surround Yourself with a Positive Support System

During difficult times, you need people who uplift you—not those who constantly pity you or pressure you with questionable advice.

The shift: Spend time with people who give you positive energy, make you laugh, and appreciate your efforts to heal.

Energy is contagious.

5. Focus on What You Can Control

You may not be able to control how cancer cells respond to treatment, but you can control what you eat, how much you rest, and what you allow into your mind each day.

The shift: Engage in simple activities you enjoy, listen to calming music, or do light stretching if you feel able. Shift your focus from “being a patient” to “living your life.”

Cancer may affect your body, but do not let it take away your spirit and determination. You are stronger than you realize. Medical treatment does its work inside your body, but your mindset helps guide you forward. Be mindful of your inner strength.

This journey may be long, but you do not have to walk it alone.

-- Advice from Dr Kent Khaw (Penang)

A new chapter begins…

2026-05-13T02:54:00.000+03:00

27 May 2025, 3.30 pm, Dr. Azura’s Clinic

Today was my first visit to the Oncology Clinic. Met Dr. Azura, a sessional specialist at KPJ Tawakal Specialist Hospital and resident specialist at KPJ Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital.

Dr. Azura explained my treatment journey ahead:

• 6 cycles of chemo

• 18 cycles of targeted therapy

• Radiotherapy

• Hormonal therapy for 5 years

Since both chemo and targeted therapy will require IV access for quite some time, she recommended inserting a chemo port. Honestly, I have no idea about this..

If everything goes as planned, my first chemo session will be on 17/6/2025 at KPJ Ampang Puteri.

Same day, 4.45 pm, Dr. Safariny’s Clinic

After some calls between the clinics, I ended up making an impromptu visit to Dr. Safariny’s clinic.

To insert the chemo port, Dr. Safariny will be the surgeon again. At first, I was honestly shocked because I had no idea what the procedure involved… turns out it requires a minor surgery 🥹

So here we are, another date added to the calendar: 10/6/2025 Morning admission, surgery scheduled at 2.00 PM.

Still trying to process everything, one step at a time.

CSCI 3302 Students Showcase Practical Applications of Data Structures and Algorithm Design Strategies

2026-04-29T11:07:00.004+03:00

16 January 2026 – A total of 29 students from the Data Structures & Algorithms II course (CSCI 3302 - Section 3) demonstrated their analytical and problem-solving skills through a series of project-based presentations, highlighting how fundamental computing concepts are applied to real-world challenges.

The session featured team presentations focusing on algorithm design strategies, data efficiency and performance evaluation. Among the highlighted project was ‘Data Compression In Cloud Storage Using Huffman Coding’, where students analyzed compression effectiveness, storage optimization and algorithm suitability for large-scale cloud environments. Quantitative results were used to compare algorithm performance across different data sets, reinforcing the importance of selecting appropriate data structures and algorithms in system design.

Another notable project, ‘Optimizing Drone Delivery Routing using the Travelling Salesman Problem’, addressed challenges faced by modern logistics companies deploying drones for delivery services. Students modelled delivery locations as points within a defined service area and investigated the problem of determining the most efficient route that allows a drone to visit each destination exactly once before returning to its base station. The project explored Branch and Bound approach (brute-force algorithm) and the Held–Karp algorithm (dynamic programming approach), to balance solution quality and computational efficiency. Performance was evaluated based on computation time, tour distance and scalability as the number of delivery points increased.

Throughout the session, students confidently justified their design decisions, discussed and interpreted experimental results. The use of structured visuals, performance tables and comparative analysis reflected a strong understanding of algorithmic thinking and system-level considerations, while strengthening both technical understanding and professional presentation skills.

Beyond technical competence, the course emphasized a holistic learning philosophy. Students were introduced to advanced data structures and the fundamentals of algorithm analysis through lectures (learning to know), and deepened their understanding through peer discussions and collaborative problem-solving (learning to live together). Knowledge was then demonstrated (learning to do) through algorithm design, analysis, programming and real-world problem solving.

When applied to authentic contexts such as optimal route planning, optimizing infrastructure and securing data with cryptography, these algorithms illustrate how computing knowledge can contribute to the protection of intellect, wealth and life, in alignment with the principles of Maqāṣid Ash-Sharīʿah. The topics also encouraged students to value precision, efficiency and attention to detail, reflecting an appreciation of the meticulous design evident in Allah’s creation, and inspiring students to recognize and respect the profound order and calculation embedded within both nature and technology.

Through this presentation-based assessment, the following learning outcomes were achieved:

• Apply core data structure concepts in the design and implementation of efficient algorithms.

• Design and evaluate efficient algorithms for real-world applications, as well as analysing the algorithms using empirical performance data.

• Demonstrate effective technical communication, teamwork and critical thinking through structured presentations and discussion.

This activity reflects the department’s commitment to outcome-based and experiential learning, ensuring that students graduate with both theoretical knowledge and industry-relevant skills.

Note: Featured in Spectrum, KICT Newsletter Issue 1, January 2026

(https://kulliyyah.iium.edu.my/kict/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2026/01/KICT-Spectrum-January-2026-Issue-1_compressed.pdf)

22 May 2025 — A Turning Point in My Journey

2026-04-25T17:16:00.005+03:00

At 11:00am on a quiet morning, I sat in Dr. Safariny’s clinic, waiting for news... When the lab results were finally ready, everything became clearer yet heavier.

The cancerous lump measured 2.5 cm and one of the lymph nodes that had been removed also tested positive for cancer. With this, I was officially classified as a Stage 2A cancer patient.

My doctor explained that I would need to undergo both chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Chemotherapy is necessary to target and eliminate any cancer cells that may be present throughout my body, even those undetectable at this stage. Radiotherapy, on the other hand, will focus specifically on the armpit area, where the affected lymph node was found, aiming to destroy any remaining cancer cells in that region.

The detailed treatment plan will be finalized during my upcoming appointment with the oncologist. For now, I hold on to the reassurance that each step is part of a carefully guided process.

There was also some good news… my surgical wound has healed well. The stitches will naturally dissolve over the next 150 days, insyaAllah. It’s a small but meaningful reminder that healing is already taking place, even as the journey continues.

My next follow-up appointment with Dr. Safariny will be in three months. Until then, I move forward with patience, strength, and faith, taking one step at a time.

This journey is not one I would have chosen, but it is one I will face with courage.

Discharge Day Joy

2026-04-02T02:57:00.002+03:00

14 May 2025, 8:30 PM

Alhamdulillah, after nine long days in the hospital, I was finally given the green light to be discharged. It’s hard to describe the feeling, all wrapped into one.

Earlier in the evening, around 6:00 PM, the doctor came by with good news. The fluid from my surgical incision had reduced significantly, which meant real progress. She carefully removed the JP drain tube (yes, that moment felt as liberating as it sounds!) and guided me on how to manage my dressing at home. It was reassuring to know that I could now take charge of my own recovery, step by step.

By 8:00 PM, another pleasant surprise... My discharge process was completed smoothly without needing to wait for final insurance approval. The finance department gave the go-ahead, with a simple note that they would follow up if anything came up later. Alhamdulillah, everything felt like it was falling into place.

Then came the final moment. At 8:30 PM, I received my medications, discharge note and medical leave. It all suddenly felt very real, I was going home.

And of course, there was a little unexpected “celebrity moment” to end the night. With quite a number of beautiful bouquets to bring along, we had to call for a porter to help us carry everything out 😂 Feeling like an influencer for a second there... hahaha!

All in all, it was a night filled with gratitude. A chapter closes and a new one begins -- recovering in the comfort of home.

The Day I Walked into Surgery

2026-03-17T16:49:00.001+03:00

6 May 2025 – The Beginning

7.30 am – Accident & Emergency Department, KPJ Tawakal, Kuala Lumpur

The morning began quietly, yet it carried a weight I could feel deep inside. It was the day I would be admitted to the hospital.

Everything had to start early because my PET scan was scheduled for 11.00 am. I arrived at the hospital with a mix of calm and nervous anticipation. This was not just another hospital visit. This was the beginning of a journey I had been mentally preparing for.

8.30 am – Ambrosia Ward, Level 8, Room 803

I had chosen a single room. It would be more comfortable for my caretaker and easier for visitors to come by.

The day started quickly with the usual hospital routines — blood tests, an IV line insertion and an X-ray.

A small side story:

One nurse drew blood from my right forearm and left behind quite a handsome bruise. After that, the branula was inserted into my left hand, even though I did informed the nurse that Dr. Safa preferred it to be on my right hand.

But well… I was just the patient. The nurse simply said there was no note left by the doctor. I let it go.

11.00 am – Oncology Department, KPJ Ampang Puteri, Kuala Lumpur

For the PET scan, I had to be transported to KPJ Ampang Puteri because the machine was only available there. They sent me by ambulance.

The PET scan procedure took about two and a half hours.

While waiting, I had a short conversation with two other cancer survivors. They were there because of suspected relapse. Listening to their stories humbled me. Sometimes we think our own test is the hardest. But in reality, there are others facing challenges even greater.

May Allah ease their pain and give them strength.

7 May 2025 – Surgery Day

1.30 pm – Ambrosia Ward

The nurse came into my room and asked me to change into the operation gown. Soon after, I was wheeled toward the operating theatre.

1.45 pm – Operation Room

The anaesthesia doctor came to speak with me. He explained the procedure and guided me through signing the consent forms. It was calm, routine for them. But for me, it was a life-changing moment.

2.00 pm – 5.50 pm – OR-2

The anesthesia began. And then… pufffffhhh… Within seconds, I was completely out.

When I woke up, the surgery had already been completed. The doctors had performed a left breast mastectomy and removed two lymph nodes.

My first memories were from the recovery ward. The nurses were making sure I was fully awake before sending me back to my room. One nurse even showed me two jars — one containing the lump and the other the lymph nodes.

Another small side story:

The anesthesia doctor later questioned why the branula had been inserted in my left hand, considering the surgery was on the left side.

I quietly thought to myself: well… I told them earlier.

5.55 pm – Back to Ambrosia Ward

Still feeling drowsy, I was wheeled back to my room. My husband was there waiting.

I was given a morphine PCA pump — a patient-controlled analgesia device that allowed me to manage my own pain medication whenever necessary. The button sat ready under my right thumb.

But Alhamdulillah, the pain was manageable. I didn’t even use the PCA throughout the night.

A Few Weeks That Changed Everything

2026-01-28T10:22:00.002+03:00

On 8 April 2025, I went to Sejahtera Clinic, IIUM, around 8:45 a.m. During a simple clinical examination, the doctor found a lump. No scans were done that day, but the doctor didn’t want to take any chances and referred me straight to HKL. By 11:00 a.m., I was already at Pusat Rawatan Pakar Harian, HKL, where I was given an appointment date in early May.

After that visit, I felt that waiting until May was too long, especially with so many unanswered questions. I wanted clarity sooner rather than later, so I decided to go for further investigations at KPJ Tawakal KL.

On 11 April, at 8:30 a.m., I visited KPJ Tawakal KL and met Dr. Nor Safariny, a Breast and Endocrine Surgeon. A mammogram and ultrasound were done that morning. The results showed that the lump had a 95% likelihood of being malignant. The doctor advised a biopsy to get a clearer and more accurate diagnosis.

The biopsy was done on 14 April. I was admitted for daycare at 9:00 a.m., started with blood tests and around 1:00 p.m., the biopsy procedure was performed. A core needle biopsy was done about twelve times. After that, I returned to the ward and was given pain relief through IV. Later in the afternoon, an ultrasound was done to check my liver. Alhamdulillah, there was nothing serious, just a fatty liver.

On 22 April, during a follow-up visit at 1:30 p.m., the doctor confirmed that the lump was breast cancer. Some other cells were also found to be at an early stage towards cancer (DCIS). The next plan was to do a PET scan to check whether the lymph nodes were involved, as this would determine the treatment flow.

On 24 April, the clinic called to inform me that the PET scan had been postponed. Instead, the doctor requested to see me the next day to discuss surgery.

On 25 April, at 9:30 a.m., I met the doctor again and received some good news. InsyaAllah, there were no signs that the lymph nodes were affected. The treatment plan would start with surgery. During the surgery, a sentinel lymph node biopsy will be done using dye to identify and remove any affected lymph nodes if necessary.

Later that evening, the clinic called to confirm my admission date and PET scan on 6 May 2025, and my surgery date on 7 May 2025.

This journey is still ongoing, and there are many unknowns ahead. But I believe that nothing happens without His knowledge and permission. Every step, every delay and every decision whether easy or difficult, it comes with its own purpose.

For now, I am taking this one day at a time, trusting the process and placing my full tawakkal in Allah. May He grant ease in what lies ahead, strength when it is needed most, and healing in ways seen and unseen. Aminnn…

A comeback after 3 years …

2026-01-28T10:03:00.028+03:00

Wowwww… it has been 3 years since I last wrote here. This blog, once a quiet place where I poured my heart out, has been left untouched for too long.

Here’s hoping for better writing in thr year ahead, insyaAllah.

Bulan Jun yang penuh debaran

2023-09-12T07:26:00.001+03:00

Dalam academic year kami, bulan Jun adalah bulan terakhir bekerja sebelum cuti musim panas bermula. Pada kebiasaannya (berdasarkan tahun-tahun yang lepas), sebelum bulan Jun menjelma, kami akan mendapat 2 perkhabaran. Pertama kontrak akan disambung untuk tahun berikutnya, kedua mendapat arahan untuk memulakan proses memohon voucher tiket penerbangan pulang ke negara masing-masing. Namun untuk tahun ini, sehingga bulan Jun telah pun memunculkan diri, masih tiada apa-apa perkhabaran. Mulalah pelbagai spekulasi berlegar-legar di kalangan expatriates, dan yang paling hangat ialah kontrak tidak akan disambung.

Haruuu… haruuu… jika betul kontrak kami tidak disambung, dapat dibayangkan betapa kalutnya nanti untuk urusan final exit, sedangkan summer telah pun mula menjelma.

Alhamdulillah untuk saya minggu terakhir bekerja saya diberitahu kontrak disambung setahun lagi. Namun, untuk suami, masih tiada kata putus. Menurut kata pihak RC, ini adalah keputusan dari pihak kementerian. Rupanya ada banyak nama lagi yang masih belum dapat disambung. Kementerian tak sambung, RC pun tak boleh sambung. Gitulahhh keadaannya.

Akhirnya setelah menunggu sehingga seminggu selepas cuti summer bermula, kami buat keputusan untuk beli tiket sendiri untuk suami. Daripada menunggu buah yang tak tahu bila nak gugur, baik kita terbang balik jumpa ahli keluarga.

Setelah 2 minggu berada di Malaysia, encik suami menerima perkhabaran baik yang kontraknya disambung setahun lagi… Alhamdulilah…

Maka cuti-cuti Malaysia pun bersambung… 😁

Recap: May activities

2023-08-20T10:25:00.001+03:00

Eid celebration continues… among the usual gang…

Laksa treat at Rohaya’s house.. morning coffee with ketupat and rendang at mine. Then again farewell dinner at mine for the twins who will be going back to Malaysia to further their study. Then came Fiza and family. Breakfast treat at our favorite cafe, Kaylah Lounge.

At the end of the month, 2 of our friends came for Hajj.

First was friends from UTP, Nidzam and Hafizah. We met them at Madinah. Taking them touring places in Madinah as this was their first time ever in KSA.

Second was my friend since matriculation year back in 1992, Syakila Ahmad. Again met her in Madinah. Just brought her for lunch as she has just came back from touring Madinah with her hajj group.

And there goes the month of May…

Recap January - April 2023

2023-06-12T13:46:00.005+03:00

Before we start, just as an excuse, I would say that I have not been updating this blog because the apps that I used on mobile is not updated to the last mobile OS. hahaha… lame isn’t it …

Anyway, here’s the summary of what had happened in the first 4 months of 2023:

January

My daughters came back ‘home’. They had about 1 month semester break. My mum decided to join them. And out of nowhere my younger brother joined too. Well.. out of nowhere means it wasn’t a planned trip for him, considering he has a family left behind 😅. Anyway, we really enjoy each other company’s at home. Enjoyable moment to have so many family members in the house. Our weekends and sometime weekdays are full with activities.

February

My family returned to Malaysia early February. Everything becomes so saddddd... the house suddenly became so quiet. Received kak ita's family visit. Celebrated Akram's 13th birthday at the park with the usual gang. Alisya officially registered as an undergraduate student at MSU.

March

Spend few days school vacation at Jeddah - joined morning coffee with MJB geng, send off kak ita's daughters to Malaysia. Trip to Madinah twice. First trip, visiting my long-lost university's friend with her husband and lovely daughter. Brought them tour places in Madinah. Second trip, to visit my secondary school's friend and a new friend from MSU. Celebrating Ramadan Mubarak...

April

My cousin and her husband came for Ramadan trip. Eid Mubarak !! A sad... sad.. eid celebration in Yanbu, as we celebrated first before Malaysia... hahaha... until second day of eid, when my cousin came over, and her daughter came all the way from Jordan to celebrate eid together...

Well, that’s about it for the first quarter of the year… There’s always moment to cherish and memories to remember…

The sweet end of 2022

2022-12-30T22:34:00.000+03:00

December 5, 2022

Alhamdulilah .. another date to remember.

UM 62nd Convocation Ceremony, first session, along with other 478 PhD graduates. A day of celebration, happiness, victory, joyous and more….

When I look back those years that I have spend to complete this journey, it feels surreal. I have done it!!

It was a super long roller-coaster journey... Not an easy one, I’ve thought of dropping multiple times. I felled and I stand up again and again… But I don’t regret, I continued until the end.

Just for a recap, the roller-coaster dive down multiple times:

- appointed as HOD for 2 years. Research works literally stopped

- struggled to get back the momentum, almost gave up, 1 semester missed registration

- 6 recurrences of uveitis, 3 of it requires high dose of steroid, which end-up limit most of my activities

- extended for 3 semesters, 1 of it just to wait for viva date

- my beloved abah diagnosed with lymphoma cancer, and passed away about 3 months after diagnosis

- during the very final stage before viva, I was diagnosed with ocular tuberculosis. On tonnes of medication for 9 straight months.

So many things happened … but standing strong (or maybe not.. ) haha… there were up and down for sure. Kept going and finally reached the finish line.

Alhamdulilah… Alhamdulilah… Alhamdulilah…

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart to my great supervisor, without her I would have gave up and quit.

And of course special shout out to my dear husband, 3 lovely children, my mom, my family members, my friends and to all those who prayed for me… Thank you would not be enough… May Allah reward all of us abundantly.

The end.

Check-in ER @ RCMC

2022-11-16T22:37:00.000+03:00

After a zillionsss of months escaping, we finally made a visit to ER last night. Hahaha exaggerating a bit.

The only and only so-called soccer player in house injured his toe while playing soccer at school. Anddddd.. it’s exam week… whyyyyy laaaa you play soccer this week…. ayooooo… #asianmummodeison

Alhamdulilah after a visit to the specialist few days after, the doctor found out that his toe is all good. Nothing to worry.

Bowling: 1 level up 😄

2022-10-25T19:46:00.003+03:00

Citer pasal bowling ni, dah ramai yang tahu family kami ni memang suka sangat main bowling, dari mak pak sampailah ke anak-anak.. eeerrr.. exception untuk anak kedua, belum berjaya buat dia main walau sekali pun.

Interest in playing bowling ni muncul sejak kami selalu join tournament organized by Konsulat Malaysia di Jeddah. Bertemu pulak geng-geng kat Yanbu yang memang teror main bowling - Azmi, Faizal, Raemy, Rawi, Yaakob… Tag-team beramai-ramai.. Bila 1 pusat bowling pulak dibuka di Yanbu, wahhh… semakin menjadi-jadi lepas tu. Anyway, pusat bowling Yanbu pun dah jadi sejarah, teman-teman sepermainan pun dah pulang ke malaya. Tinggallah kami dan beberapa orang lagi yang masih meneruskan legasi bowling yanbu dalam pertandingan di Jeddah.

Berbalik kepada cerita sebenar yang nak disampaikan… tahun ini setelah sekian lama tiada pertandingan dianjurkan dek kerana pendemik covid, pihak MJB dengan kerjasama Konsulat Malaysia Jeddah telah berbesar hati menganjurkan pertandingan bowling sebagai acara ‘come-back’ setelah semua sekatan ditarik balik.

Alhamdulilah kami 4 wakil Yanbu berjaya mendapat tempat teratas. Paknya, maknya dengan akram sekali dan termasuklah Rawi. Yang lebih menariknya lagi adalah saya dan suami pakai bola bowling pinjam. Hahaha. Akram pakai house ball.

Baru-baru ni pulak pada 15/10/2022, sekali lagi MJB telah menganjurkan pertandingan bowling piala MJB. Dalam kami ding-dong nak main ke tak, akhirnya daftar jugak. 6 wakil dari Yanbu dan sekali lagi kami bertiga mendapat 3 tempat teratas. MasyaAllah.. Alhamdulilah… tak disangka-sangka ada rezeki menang 2 kali di tahun 2022 nih.

Makanya bowling is one level up for our family. 2 kali bertanding, dan keduanya-duanya kami bertiga mendapat 3 tempat teratas. Chaiyokkkk…

Sharing session

2022-10-07T17:49:00.003+03:00

Sejak dah officially berakhir status student nih, dah 2 kali buat sharing session dengan post-graduate students.. derang ni semua under AP Dr. Rafiza’s supervision. Dr. Rafiza nak bagi bergerak sket.. jangan statik jek lepas dah tamat pengajian. kekeke…

Alhamdulillah, bagi gerak sket enjin, dah menurun sangat capability memikir nih... hahaha... takat pegi kelas mengajar, balik siapkan assessment students... tak mencabar sangat... hahahaha... cuma letih jek la kelas berbelas jam seminggu.

Tapi sesungguhnya bila diberi tugasan macam ni, lagi banyak kena prepare untuk sharing session ni, lagi banyak benda baru dipelajari. Sambil layan Q & A session pun dapat belajar benda baru, especially part yang Dr. Rafiza handle. Dapat la belajar cara-cara dia menjawab soalan, dapat jugak tengok betapa dia ambil tahu apa yang setiap student dia tengah buat... buat kita pun jadi semangat sama nak tolong anak-anak didik dia... hahahaha... maklum laaa.. jaman kita dulu takde kawan pun... as people used to say, it's a lonely journey.... so let's change that perception for these groups of students... they need to know they are not lonely.... we are here to help... open for any discussion...

Sketching…

2022-10-03T18:04:00.003+03:00

Sometimes ... asking your students to do some activities in a different mode, will definitely cheer them up. Brings back the smile on their faces, forget the stress for a while. But surely they are more focused than ever...

I gave the students a whiteboard sheet each group to layout what they have plan for the system development. Nice work....

Updating…

2022-10-01T09:43:00.002+03:00

When your only malaysian officemate has resigned and returned to Malaysia, 2 Saudi geng left for their PhD studies, 1 Saudi friend take one semester leave…. 3 of them are from the same corridor, it never had felt so quiet.... what is left is…. Update resume and cover letter… Next, search for places to apply in Malaysia specifically Ipoh…

Officially Graduated

2022-09-29T17:12:00.002+03:00

August 1, 2022

Alhamdulilah .. my long journey has eventually comes to an end… I finally received the Senate Letter that conferred my doctor of philosophy. This is the official end to my studies. Alhamdulilah… Alhamdulilah…

Thank you for your doa, wishes, celebrations and gifts. It meant a lot to me… May Allah reward us all abundantly… InsyaAllah.

Sad… Sad.. May

2022-05-31T14:59:00.002+03:00

A very sad month of May.

We received shocking news, 4 of our Malaysian friends’ contracts (lecturers) were not renewed. 3 of them received the news about 5 days before Eid.

2 of them are husband and wife, which their family is our family’s friends. Allahhhh… it was like a time bomb blasted off at the wrong timing. Eid preparation literally paused. Not only for them but for us too. So many things lingered in our mind … why this sudden news, why before eid, what is the reason, how would the kids feel, etc. No reason was given, no justification was provided.

They have spent the whole month of May going back and forth the management office seeking for justification. But they were only informed to start the clearance process.

In such a short notice, everything need to be prepared. The clearance process, the work, the kids’ education, the household, so many things need to be done by them. We feel you my friend.

We felt very sad and we are still feeling sad with what had happened. I will surely going to miss my coffee-time-friend, shopping-buddy, gossiping-partner, picnic troupe, rooftop troupe, sand-dune troupe…and many more activities we have spent together with families….. huwaaaaaaa…

I’m finally done…

2022-04-28T21:48:00.004+03:00

25/4/2022 is a date to remember. This is the day where I have eventually came to an end for my phd journey. Alhamdulilah the barakah of the last ten days of Ramadhan.

I had my viva-voce very early in the morning; 6.00am Saudi time which is at 11.00am Malaysian time. The session was conducted via zoom platform. 10 persons altogether were on the session; 1 chairperson, 3 examiners, 2 supervisors, 1 representative from Senate, 1 representative from Graduate Studies and 2 admin staff from Graduate Studies.

It went so smoothly… I managed to present fluently (in comparison to mock viva session. haha). And Alhamdulilah thank you Allah for giving me 3 very kind-hearted examiners!! They had the questions but they also had smile on their faces. A calming view for a nervous candidate like me…

After about 1 and a half hour, the session ended. I was moved to a waiting room while the panels discussed my result.

Alhamdulilah….. I had my eyes teary the moment I heard the chairperson said, “Ms Aizal Yusrina Idris, you have passed the viva with minor correction”. Allah… allah… allah… I did not dream of this. I have prepared myself to accept major correction. (See…. how NOT confident I was .. huhu)

MasyaAllah tabarakallah… thank you ya allah for making this final sail a good one for me… thank you ya allah for listening to my doa, my families’ and my friends’. Please reward my families and friends with abundant of pahala.

Finally… this is the end… I am now officially a phd graduate. Alhamdulilah.

Just for a recap, I have gone through a lot in this journey, from 2014 to 2022. Such a longgggg journey.

1 semester missed registration - almost gave up
3 time extensions - 2 to complete research and 1 to wait for viva
Appointed as HoD in 2015 (2 years) - research work literally stopped
6 Recurrences of uveitis - 3 of it require steroids medication which limit most of my activities
Ocular tuberculosis - on medication for 9 months
My lovely dad diagnosed with lymphoma cancer and passed away 3 months after.

So many things happened … but standing strong… or not .. haha… there were up and down for sure. Kept going and finally reached the finish line.

Alhamdulilah… Alhamdulilah… Alhamdulilah…

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart to my great supervisor, without her I would have gave up and quit.

Simple act

2021-12-29T20:02:00.001+03:00

Sharing a story on how a simple act has put a smile on other people’s face.

I was on duty for invigilating exam few days back. I went to the venue a little bit too early, arrived before the other partner. Since I have ample time to arrange the exam papers, I decided to arrange the chairs too. Gave enough distancing between chairs and between rows. Then, I placed the exam papers on the chair’s flip up table. One of the course paper facing-up, and the other facing-down. It will be easier later to identify which course is which.

Once all done, the other partner on duty arrived to the venue. And she came in with a surprised face. “Woowwww… look at that, this is so neat, and look at how the papers arranged. We need to take photo of this and post it everywhere.. ”, she said. Hahahahaha. I was laughing hard.

I didn’t even realized a simple act I did that day, has made someone else so happy, smiling wide and impressed.

Medicine out of stock

2021-12-28T21:09:00.006+03:00

Still the same illness story…

I am supposed to continue my medication until April 2022. Unfortunately, 13/12/2021 was the last date I had my pills. I had my appointment in RCMC on 14/12/2021, doctor prescribed for more medicine. However, the pharmacist informed me to come back after 1 week as the medicine was not available. So I came back after a week, and the answer is still the same “no medicine”, and this time with a worst remark from the pharmacist "wallahh, I don’t know when the medicine is available". I returned to the doctor and informed her about this and she answered, "what can we do... just try your best". What best way do I have?? It's a controlled medicine, not sold by any pharmacy outside. gggrrrrrrrrr.....

I just do not know what to feel at the moment. Though I don’t like taking medicine, but in the current health situation, with a ‘not-promising-doctor’s-feedback’, skipping the medicine intake is not a good option. I don’t know if things can turned back to bad or will it be unchanged and stable. What I know for sure is… the doctors in Gleneagles Hospital will not like this !!

Alhamdulilah, Allah showed me a way... my cousin is coming for umrah. So I planned with her to bring my medication all the way from Malaysia. Arrangements were made with the doctors in Gleneagles Hospital. As expected, the doctors were not happy at all knowing that I stopped taking medicine for quite some time.

If only I have the power to fix the situation, things would be better and much easier. But I don’t. Perhaps this is a reminder for me from Allah swt.

Thanks a lot to my cousin (from father’s side) who went to the hospital to get the medication. And then pass to another cousin (from mother’s side) who is coming for umrah. What a journey for the medicine itself :)

InsyaAllah please pray for my cousin’s safety for their journey from Malaysia.

My PhD Journey

2021-10-27T09:23:00.004+03:00

I started my journey in 2014. It was a sudden decision. It was all started with just a casual conversation with my supervisor, not intending to pursue to phd at that moment. But my supervisor encouraged and determined that I should proceed. So I did!!

It went so smooth and quite fast for the first one and half year. I even completed my proposal defence within the first year, masyaAllah… the second year with my candidature defence. It was so surreal.

However, things went slow after that… in fact too slow after I was appointed as the head of department. I lost 2 years of my studies, as I was too focus on the position. It was a mentally exhausting task, that I was not able to put my focus on my studies. Luckily, it was only for 2 years, but to get things back on track, ya allahhh you never know how difficult it was back then. Very very difficult. I lost my momentum, I lost my confidence, I cannot recall what I have completed, I don’t know where to continue, what to proceed. I even missed to register 1 of the semester. Half of me said ‘just withdraw my studies, I could not take it anymore’. But another half said ‘no, I have spend too much - the money, the time, the effort, the sleepless nights. I was already half way’.

And then came my supervisor, we had virtual meeting through the google meet. She highlighted what I have completed. She highlighted how near I am towards the ending. She encouraged me to continue.. remember all the days that I have completed… She showed me the light towards the end of the tunnel… I am forever indebted to my supervisor. With that 1 call, it changes everything. I was then enthusiastic to continue what I left.

InsyaAllah the journey will end in 2021. I have started the process to submit my thesis. A few more steps to go before the actual battle coming through within 3 months.

Dear readers, please pray that everything will go smooth, the thesis examination and also the viva that I will go through.

Follow-up yang menyakitkan hati

2021-10-20T14:42:00.004+03:00

Setelah sebulan setengah kembali ke Yanbu, baru hari ini dapat appointment dengan doktor internal medicine. Mujur bekalan ubat memang banyak dibawa dari Malaysia. Appointment dengan doktor ni adalah referral dari ophthalmologist. Dengan doktor mata, takde slot sekali pun boleh pergi tunjuk muka di klinik dia, nurse cuba sedaya-upaya untuk mendapatkan slot extra secepat mungkin. hehe.. betapa muka ini dah dikenali di sana... :)

Anyway, menunggu itu bukanlah yang menyakitkan sangat. Almaklum, musim-musim pendemik ni, kita pun faham kesibukan hospital.

Tapi yang terpaling menyakitkan hati nurani ni adalah layanan doktornya… ewahh.. ewahhh.. nak garang-garang, nak eksen sangat tu dah kenapa…. Nak bising-bising doktor mata tak tulis apa-apa dalam sistem, bukan salah patient wehhh.. Dah dibagi surat referal dari Malaysia, tak nak dibaca… sebuk nak jugak dari doktor sini yang tak tulih apa-apa tu. Penat-penat kuusung segala report dari Malaysia, satu pun ko tak nak tengok… bila tak dapat hubungi doktor sini, baru terhegeh nak baca surat referal. Lepas tu tanya plak ubat apa ni yang doktor tulis… bila kita sebut jenama, tak nak pulak, nak detail ubat… eehhh… skang ni ko yang doktor ke aku yang doktor nih…. Sampai detail kandungan ubat pun aku kena tau… apoooooo?? Mujur la pun bawak ubat tu … tu pun tak nak belek memula. Eksen nak bawak ke mana tah laaa ko ni…. Sudahnya disuruh sambung jek ubat dari Malaysia tu. Nanti buat blood test dengan ct scan. Jumpa balik Disember nanti…

Gitulahh keadaannya…Jauhnya berbeza layanan kita dapat di tanahair… bersyukurlahh... Masa buat check-up di Gleneagles, bukan main dijaga, dimonitor, nampak jelas diambil-berat oleh doktor-doktor.

Jangan pula kata "alaaaa … dah bayar mahal kat Gleneagles, mestilah dilayan…" well, I don’t think so… ada jek doktor di hospital kerajaan yang sangat attentive... takkan layanan doktor pada pesakit dinilai dengan bayaran kannn… a doctor should do what a doctor supposed to do… bukan setakat mengubati penyakit, tutur-kata dengan pesakit tu pun haruslah dijaga. Rasanya takde lagi pesakit yang saja-saja nak berjumpa doktor… pasti ada sebabnya…

Sekian luahan hari nurani kali ini… masih berkaitan dengan recent illness .. it's really frustrating not to get the medical attention as what you expected.

Penyakit yang tak sakit tapi menyakitkan .....

2021-09-23T22:21:00.001+03:00

Luahan rasa related to the recent illness.... tak sakit tapi tetap menyakitkan...

It was never been easy to take 22 pills a day for 2 weeks. 10 of them has to be taken before breakfast and the remaining after. Being someone yang nak habiskan sebiji panadol pun sangat susah.... inikan pulak 22 biji yang pelbagai saiz, bentuk dan warna. Bayangkan betapa susahnya hati ni nak habiskan kesemua ubat itu.... bayangkan betapa lamanya perlu kutenung ubat-ubat itu sebelum dapat dihabiskan.... bayangkan berapa banyak air yang diperlukan supaya dapat menelan kesemua ubat-ubat itu. Alhamdulillah dalam kepayahan, tiada yang terbuang.....

Dos ubat dikurangkan selepas 2 minggu. dan selepas itu dikurangkan setiap minggu. makanya bilangan pil juga turut berkurang setiap minggu. Sehingga hari post ini ditulis, bilangan pil sudah berkurang ke 8 sahaja.

Belum lagi masuk cerita side effect yang memang dah dijangka oleh doktor.... ada physical side-effect ada juga yang internal effect.... and obviously emotionally disturbing.

Physical side effect - berat naik dan muka sembab, muka kelihatan kekuningan (orangey actually)

Internal side effect... urine berubah warna, liver reading kena monitor, sugar reading kena monitor, perut upset, light-headed, nausea...

these effects sebenarnya tak la menganggu sangat.. tapi emotionally side effects that really bothered and disturbed me. Badan rasa panas sentiasa, berpeluh walaupun dah berada di bawah air-con, sendi-sendi lutut dan siku mula berasa giddy... sometimes you feel so hungry, sometimes not that others has to force you to eat..... ramai-ramai bersembang, ketawa, menjerit bersuka-ria semua jadi annoyed.... and all you want to do is stay in bed with full-blast air-con. everything else becomes annoying!

With all these medications, I turned out to be very vulnerable. Tahap berjaga-jaga sangat perlu ditingkatkan di musim pandemik ini.... Tak jumpa sesiapa dan tak keluar ke mana-mana melainkan essential services. Tak hubungi sesiapa juga kerana merasa sangat annoyed .. with no reason :(

Maka, saya ingin menyusun 10 jari memohon maaf pada sesiapa yang mungkin ada terasa dengan sikap 'dingin' saya selama beberapa bulan ini.... I wasn't intentionally wanna hurt anyone in anyway.