Poligami 2.

Saya pun tak tahu kenapa tiba-tiba saya mahu mengulas tentang isu ini walaupun musim poligami lama sudah berlalu (musim berlalu di dada-dada akhbar, tapi tak bermaksud orang tak buat).

Entri yang lepas membuatkan saya lebih peka terhadap isu ini. Contohnya, baru-baru ini, saya berkenalan dengan seorang lelaki 65 tahun yang inginkan pil Viagra tapi tak lampu hijau dari doktornya kerana beliau mempunyai masalah jantung.

"Tua-tua pun aktif lagi ye?" saya fikir. Secara tak langsung, saya membayangkan ibu bapa saya dan ibu bapa boyfriend saya mengadakan acara rompy session mereka.

"Blerrrghh!!!" saya tiba-tiba tak dapat meneruskan bayangan itu.

Kemudian saya fikir, adakah saya sanggup melayan kehendak seks suami saya apabila beliau berumur 65 tahun nanti? Seorang isteri yang baik, tentulah akan menunaikan tanggungjawabnya. But, can a wife give it all, can her sexual desire be aroused? Isteri yang baik kena fully pleasurable!

Mungkin, by that time, saya akan menjadi tak kesah, saya sendiri yang buat request, "Sayang, I dah tak larat ni, pinggang I dah nak patah...You kahwinlah isteri yang muda sikit..."

Dari Jabir r.a, katanya dia mendengar nabi s.a.w bersabda:”Apabila ada di antara kamu yang tergoda hatinya kepada seorang wanita maka hendaklah dia pulang kepada isterinya untuk melepaskan rasa rindunya. Sesungguhnya yang demikian itu dapat mententeramkan gejolak hatinya.”

Tengok...Kena pulang kepada isteri! Eh, tapi nanti ada pulak yang argue, 'Lepas saya kahwin dengan wanita itu, bolehlah saya pulang kepada isteri baru saya tu!!!'

Tak ape...Argument masih boleh diterima. Ye lah, kahwin setakat nak memuaskan nafsu, ape kelas!!

Masa muda-muda dulu, mesti lelaki memilih kan? Calon isteri hendaklah bukan sahaja cantik, malah bijak, pandai masak, baik hati, pandai layan budak-budak etc.

Tapi selalunya, lelaki kalau dah tua, tergoda dengan perempuan muda, lebih 50% tertarik pada kecantikan perempuan itu. Jarang sangat yang memilih kriteria-kriteria lain. Ya, betul, isteri muda mesti baik hati dan pandai bergaul juga, tapi threshold/ standard criteria yang lelaki cari pada seorang wanita ketika dia muda dulu sudahpun berkurangan. Ini kerana lelaki itu pun sudah tak berapa kacak.

Jadi, kepada isteri pertama, janganlah anda jealous kepada isteri muda. Andalah yang paling perfect sekali, cuma kini dimamah usia...Nak buat macam mana, suami perlu dipuaskan.

PADA PENDAPAT SAYA, (ditekankan, ini pendapat saya seorang), yang layak berkahwin lagi itu hanyalah lelaki yang tua ataupun yang isterinya telah tua, lalu tidak dapat memenuhkan permintaan seks lelaki itu.
ATAUPUN, lelaki yang kerjayanya membawa ke seluruh dunia, di mana dia perlu isteri untuk menguruskan keperluannya. Paling layak adalah lelaki yang merantau atas tujuan berdakwah (Nabi Muhammad SAW dulu pun berkahwin ramai atas sebab dakwah).
DENGAN syarat, dia berkemampuan DAN adil saksama.

Kepada lelaki, kalau isteri anda muda dan mampu zahir DAN batin, anda pula tak bekerja outstation sana sini (tapi yang selalu anda buat ialah menipu isteri anda outstation), tak perlulah kahwin lagi seorang! Bak kata hadith di atas, "PULANG KEPADA ISTERI". Tak ada sebab untuk anda tidak dapat pulang kepada isteri anda yang telah sedia ada itu...Tak jauh pun!!!

UNLESS YOUR WIFE REFUSES TO SERVE YOU. (or if she's infertile and you want a child so badly. But you know what, nowadays, there are many alternatives to conceive. The cost might be even cheaper than marrying another woman!)
Baru boleh anda beralasan untuk kahwin lagi. Tapi perlulah cari dahulu punca-punca isteri kurang taat. Anda sebagai suami, perlu membimbing isteri anda.
Suami yang baik, perlu ada wibawa dan bijak menjaga rumah tangganya. Kalau isteri yang seorang pun sudah huru hara, inikan pula tambah lagi seorang.

Huraian
Rumah tangga orang beriman adalah benteng mempertahankan maruah dan harga diri. Rumah yang didiami bukan sekadar tempat berlindung dari panas dan hujan bahkan ia merupakan tempat untuk beristirehat, membina kasih sayang antara ahli keluarga, anak dan isteri dan mencari keredhaan Allah S.W.T. Sesungguhnya, alasan yang paling kukuh mengapa manusia itu perlu berkahwin adalah disebabkan tuntutan psikologi. Dengan perkataan lain ia adalah fitrah yang dijadikan oleh Allah S.W.T. Maka atas tuntutan tersebut, tanpa adanya perkahwinan kadangkala manusia akan terjerumus ke lembah perzinaan dan maksiat. Sebab itulah Islam memuliakan sebuah perkahwinan dan amat menggalakkan umatnya supaya berkahwin sebagaimana sabda Rasulullah s.a.w yang maksudnya: "Wahai anak muda, berkahwinlah. Sesiapa yang mampu, berkahwinlah kerana ia lebih memelihara mata dan menjaga faraj. Sesiapa yang tidak mampu untuk berkahwin hendaklah dia berpuasa kerana puasa adalah penahan (daripada gelojak nafsu)." (Bukhari)

Kalau suami saya berkahwin lagi satu, adakah ini bermaksud he has gone mental (psychological problems)? Ehehehe...Just kidding!

Jadi, isteri pertama perlu paham! Alasan paling kukuh untuk berkahwin kerana sesungguhnya memang fitrah Allah itu menjadikan jiwa manusia ini bergelora, meronta-ronta hendak kepuasan...

Para isteri perlu redha dan berfikiran positif. Semua ini pasti ada hikmahnya...

Cara menenangkan perasaan isteri tua: Jangan risau, isteri muda itu tempat suami anda memuaskan nafsu sahaja...Tak perlu jealous dengan isteri muda!

Cara menenangkan perasaan isteri muda: Suami pasti lebih sayang dan lebih bermanja-manja dengan anda! Isteri tua sudah tidak dapat belaian macam yang kamu dapat! Kalau suami yang baik, dia akan membelai kesemua isteri-isterinya dengan sama rata, cuma caranya berbeza...Jadi, tahniah, anda dibelai dengan hebat sekali! Jadi, tak perlu jealous dengan isteri tua...

Sesungguhnya, lelaki yang mempunyai lebih dari seorang isteri bukanlah sesuatu yang senang. Seorang kenalan yang beristeri dua, pernah mengaku, "Tak perlulah kahwin banyak-banyak! Penat! Balik rumah isteri pertama, dia minta...Esoknya balik rumah isteri kedua, dia minta juga! Kalau tak bagi, tak adil. Penat....."

Dan sesungguhnya, bukanlah seronok sangat pun jadi isteri muda. Ingat mudah hidup dicemuh masyarakat yang tidak memahami situasi mereka? Ingat senang menjaga anak-anak yang masih kecil tanpa suami sepenuh masa? Lebih-lebih lagi kalau baby, suami pula jarang ada untuk membantu! (Sebab selalunya anak-anak isteri tua sudah besar, jadi tiada masalah anak-anak mempunyai bapa yang macam Chipsmore, sekejap ada, sekejap tak ada).

Tapi kalau jenis suami yang tak adil tu, jawab masa akhirat sajalah nanti.

Jadi, apa kata kita beramai-ramai jangan berat sebelah kepada mana-mana pihak.

Seorang ustadz pernah berkata, "Kalau ikut sunnah Nabi Muhammad SAW, baginda kahwin ramai selepas isteri pertamanya, Khadijah meninggal dunia".

Sejauh mana kebenaran kenyataan di atas, saya tak dapat pastikan, kerana saya kurang mahir dengan sejarah perkahwinan Nabi Muhammad SAW. (Ada sesiapa dapat confirmkan Nabi Muhammad hanya beristerikan Khadijah seorang sebelum Khadijah meninggal dunia?)

Kalau betul....Kudos to our Pak Lah, our Prime Minister!

SEDIKIT KATA-KATA MOTIVASI DARI SAYA YANG TAK BERTAULIAH.

Kepada isteri-isteri yang berasa suaminya kejam:
Jodoh itu Allah yang tentukan. Allah itu Maha Adil. Kalau diri anda elok, tentulah Allah menjodohkan dengan lelaki yang elok tingkah lakunya. Kalau diri anda beriman, tentulah suami anda pun beriman juga orangnya.

Jika suami anda tak elok budi pekerti, tentulah jodoh baru suami anda sumbang juga perlakuannya.

Kepada isteri-isteri yang baik (tak bias kepada isteri muda atau isteri tua asalkan baik hati) tapi berasa dirinya tertindas dan teraniaya ("kenapa aku walaupun baik dijodohkan dengan lelaki sebegini!" bisik hati kecil anda:
Ingatlah, semua yang berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya. Cabaran yang Allah beri mesti dapat diselesaikan sebab Allah bukan main suka-suka sahaja nak menyusahkan hidup hamba-hambanya. Sesungguhnya Allah lebih mengetahui.

Dan, doa-doa orang yang dizalimi, yang teraniaya, memang dikabulkan oleh Allah. Jadi, gunakan kesempatan ini untuk berdoa banyak-banyak dengan Allah. Sebagai contoh, "Ya Allah, ubahlah sikap suamiku supaya lebih adil terhadap isteri-isterinya. Tabahkan diriku ini untuk sentiasa menjadi isteri yang baik dan tidak derhaka atau berdendam dengan suamiku. Ubahlah sikap maduku agar lebih bertolak ansur".

Sekarang, kepada isteri pertama yang sedang pedih hatinya, cuba gabungkan kedua-dua motivasi di atas,
"Saya baik, suami saya jahat. Sebab itu suami saya dapat perempuan jahat. Tapi saya baik. Sebab itu dapat dugaan begini".

Diingatkan, ayat di atas cuma sekadar ayat menyedapkan hati sendiri. Hehehehehe...

Realitinya, kita kena sentiasa berbaik sangka terhadap orang lain.

Sekian.

Apa itu jodoh?

I have questions.

What is jodoh?
Semua orang ada jodoh sendiri?

Is jodoh someone we marry, or someone we have sex with?

If everybody is promised to have our own jodoh, so, that must mean the non-Muslims have their jodohs too.

Setiap manusia (kafir atau tidak) mempunyai rezeki dan jodoh masing-masing. The difference is, rezeki is something we could get even if we work for it, but you cannot do anything for your jodoh no matter how hard you try.

But if jodoh is someone we marry, that means, the non-Muslims never find their jodohs! This is because, they are not actually married in the eyes of God. In order for a marriage to be 'sah', it needs a husband, a wife, witnesses, akad nikah (solemnization) and wali.

Are you catching my drift?

So, is jodoh actually someone we have sex with?

I hope my jodoh is not dead. I don't want to wait until I go to heaven before reuniting with my jodoh! (Because I probably will end up in hell anyway)

Cinta Alan

I used to know a Parisian, a Frenchman, an architect named Alan.

I don't know why, but I have a 'thing' for architects. I just love men with that profession. I used to imagine they were good-looking, decent and smart. But that was not the reason I agreed to go out with Alan.

Alan was nice and I thought I was representing the Malay Malaysian community, so, he could get to know us better.

He was successful, he worked in various countries such as Indonesia and Japan before. I was impressed.

So, we went jalan-jalan. He was a gentleman, holding my hands, opened doors, offered seats to me etc the usual things that make us feel special, which most Malaysian men tend to forget.

Alan told me about his family, his job, his previous relationships and the people he had slept with. He told me about how a married Chinese lady who wanted to have sex with him but he refused because he just didn't do colleagues. I liked having conversations with him. He brought me to bars and drank beers. He said, "I only drink on weekends. I don't drink when I am working. It is against my principle".

At one of the restaurants, he studied my hand, trying to be a fortune tellar. He said my hands were soft, and he kissed my cheeks.

He perfectly understood why I don't drink: because I am a Muslim. He introduced me to his friends and his friends told me nice things about Alan, despite their lack of English.

At one of the last bars that we went to, Alan confessed that he liked me. He said I was interesting and pretty. I was flattered, of course. No wonder he was being extra nice to me, putting his arm over my shoulders and around my waist, holding my hands etc. I thought he was just being the typical Parisian. You know what they say about Frenchman, romantic...

But I knew things were moving too fast. I told him it was too soon for me to decide whether I liked him back. I mean, I liked him, but not to that extent.

One night, he invited me to dinner. I agreed. He brought me to his apartment because I was excited when he told me he was a skilled cook. I specifically instructed him not to cook pork or have alcohol as an ingredient. He said he would cook fish.

Entering his apartment was something new to me. It was a different atmosphere. Have you ever entered an artist home before? I found out he was an artist as well. He drew many potraits, even a nude picture of one of his friends I had met earlier.

Little did I know Alan was craving to have sex with me.

He was honest, and asked to have sex with me many times before but I politely declined. I gave him many reasons: I am not ready, I am a virgin, I want to wait for the right man, I believe in sex after marriage, I am having my period and I am Muslim, I don't fuck around. Somehow, whenever he asked to have sex with me, I was not offended and he was not irritating at all.

While drinking his beers, he cooked in the kitchen. Once in a while, he checked on me, making sure I was comfortable, and we french-kissed.

He said, "Why do you kiss me if you don't like me?"

I said, "Well...I did not kiss you, you kissed me!"

Oh, and for your information, I was never sexy in front of Alan. All I wore were a pair of jeans and a simple top.

He explained to me about his paintings, and kissed me, I turned my face away and he served me a glass of orange juice and kissed me, and again, I made faces. I made sure I looked at him when he poured me the drink, just in case if he was trying to drug me or something.

I didn't want to lead him on, I even made it clear to him that we were just two friends having dinner together.

His apartment had a nice view. There we were, appreciating the beauty of the scenery, (konon-kononnya romantik and I think he was hoping I would melt) when he began to kiss and touch me all over. I pushed him slightly, I said, "I told you, I do not want to have sex with you".

"Why?" he asked.
"Because I am a virgin, and I am planning to stay that way!" my voice raised.

"But I like you. You will like me too after we make love".
"NO!"
"Look, no commitment. If you don't like me tomorrow, it is okay. But if you still like me tomorrow, then I will commit to you. Let's just try for one night".
"I said 'No'! I think I should leave!"

I walked to the door. He stopped me.

"Okay...I respect you. Lets just have dinner."
I looked at him and said, "Okay".

I was sitting at the sofa when he said, "Please sleep at my house tonight. I promise, no sex, just talking. I want to get to know you better".

"Alan, I think I wanna go home now".
"Why?"
"I don't want to sleep at your house"
"But it is getting late!"
"It is okay, you don't have to send me home. I will find my way"
"But...Wait!" he pulled my hand. He looked at me, "Are you sure?"
"I am very sure" I was really afraid that time. What if this Alan tried to rape me? I prayed to God to tebalkan imanku dan tidak terjatuh dalam perangkap maksiat Alan. Chewahh....Hehehehe...But, seriously, I was scared.

I was so scared, I was preparing myself to scream if he did anything weird.

"Fine. Just let me turn off the stove and take my house keys".
"Okay".
"Sit down".
"No, I will wait here, at the door".

So, he walked me to a station (LRT station, train station, bus station, commuter station? Hehe. I'll keep you guessing). He bought a ticket for me, and waited with me.

He apologized and he said I had hurt him.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" Alan asked.
"I am busy tomorrow," I answered.
"How about the day after?"
"You have to see my friends and I".
"I only want to see you," he said, almost pleading.

I didn't reply straight away.

"I am sorry, but I don't think I could see you again," I finally broke the silence.
"Are you sure?"
"I am pretty sure".
"Is that what you really wish for?"
"Yes".

Silence.

"Then, erase my number," he said, challenging.
"Okay," I replied, taking out my mobile phone, erasing his number.
"You can't contact me after this," Alan said.
"I know. I don't want you to contact me again," I said.

He looked sad, so I tried to console him, the least painful way, "Look, you are a nice guy and all. But we are different. I am sure you will find someone you really like. But, you and I, this could not work. We are too different".

"But I really like you".

Silence.

"May I kiss you for one last time?"
Hish, mamat ni....Getting annoying pulak dah!

I nodded.
He kissed me long and gently.

He looked at me, "Are you sure?"
Konon I would feel something after the kiss la tuh....

I nodded.

"You go home. I am fine..." I wanted him to leave.
"I'll wait with you".

And my ride came.
He kissed me on the cheek, and I left him.

That was the day I almost got screwed!
I didn't tell anybody because they would scold me bad....

Life's a big puzzle

I like this blog because I am anonymous and I am free to have my thoughts written down without fear or shame. Thoughts that I could not mention to people I know for fear they would judge me and how my family and I live.

Like that time when I was six and I saw my parents having sex. I just stood there, watching, until my parents realized I was staring directly and asked me to go back to sleep. I did not know what it was, but they all make sense now.

Like that time when I was nine and I found a book about sex under my parents' mattress and read it but never understood it until years later. Then, I tried to search for the book again, but I it was never found.
Funny, hiding the book under the mattress...As a kid, I like to hide and lie under my parents' bed. That is how I found the book. And some money...Funny...

I have a friend who aborted her foetus.

I could not stop her. I found out after she did it.

If you look at her, you'd never guess she is no longer a virgin. A normal Malay girl complete with tudung to everywhere she goes. She is successful in her studies too.

But that's life.

I bet if you look at me, you'd never guess I had a phone sex before! Hahahaha....Kecoh, phone sex pun nak kecoh ke....And I am not even sure if that is considered a phone sex!

I condemn those who abort, even those who support abortions!

Of course, I allow exceptions to mothers whose lives at risk.

Ibarat meludah ke langit, terkena batang hidung sendiri.

Because I think my mother had an abortion.

I could vividly remember how we went to a clinic (not in Malaysia) and I asked my mother why were we there.

"Nak cuci perut..." my mom answered.

I was young, probably around 5 years old. She left me in the waiting lounge and came back a while later.

This stuck in my mind. Although I can never be sure of what really happened, I know for sure she went for an abortion. Something at the back of mind tells me so. Probably there is something planted deep in my brain, something that proves my hypothesis, but I am not sure what.

And I don't know why this event is one of my earliest memories in my life.

Don't you think it is amazing, how life is like puzzle? As you grow older, the things you remember when you were young finally fit the picture. It is like unfolding a mystery.

And you say, "Aaahhhh....It makes sense now".

I am horny

I think I have two personalities.

I want to be a good Muslim. I know how to be a good Muslim.

But I have my desires.

When I am bad, I am really bad...Really!

Just now, my boyfriend and I had phone sex.

He wants to lick me. I want him to lick me too. But this is sinful! But I want...We want...

I am in dilemma. I want to kiss him but I know this will lead to something else. I know in his presence, I could not resist him. Ahhh....Setan!

God, help me. I hope my parents will quickly marry me to this guy before I commit more sins!

But you know, parents, they always want the best for their daughters.

My boyfriend is the best for me, but the parents are not convinced yet. They need time to get to know him.

Which leads to more sins!

There are two ways to avoid this:

1) avoid being alone together
2) fasting

*insert curses here*

Why do marriages have to be so complicated?

Why do you need months of planning?

I am dying to make love here!