October 28, 2011
Do you know how much I hate myself today?
I'm listening to Enya. That much.
I may now own stock in the pregnancy test company. Not sure how these things work.
Showing posts with label negative. Show all posts
Showing posts with label negative. Show all posts
Friday, October 28, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
9dpo showing
October 27, 2011
This is completely ridiculous. Tests are showing up negative, but my goodness, do I feel pregnant. Strong cramps, low backache, nausea, fatigue. I had to unbutton my pants. Seriously. These were loose pants.
What is going on here? How can I be so big that these pants -- which I wore WELL into my pregnancy with Fletcher -- don't fit at all? If I am pregnant, I'm only considered 3 weeks and 2 days along!
You don't get symptoms like this before a positive test, you just don't. Is this a seriously horrible case of PMS? Universe, what the heck? How cruel are you?
This is completely ridiculous. Tests are showing up negative, but my goodness, do I feel pregnant. Strong cramps, low backache, nausea, fatigue. I had to unbutton my pants. Seriously. These were loose pants.
What is going on here? How can I be so big that these pants -- which I wore WELL into my pregnancy with Fletcher -- don't fit at all? If I am pregnant, I'm only considered 3 weeks and 2 days along!
You don't get symptoms like this before a positive test, you just don't. Is this a seriously horrible case of PMS? Universe, what the heck? How cruel are you?
Thursday, August 11, 2011
11DPO deluded
August 11, 2011
So yeah, negative. But I'm not giving up. In fact, I see a second line if I look with my peripheral vision.
In related news, I'm pathetic.
Update: I got an expert second opinion. She began in the negative, then offered, "The longer I look at it, the more I think maybe there is a second line." Exactly. Maybe if I stare for ten whole minutes, I'll become pregnant.
Update 2: I thought to myself, "I'm not gonna give up," and now I can't get Rick Astley out of my head. What a morning.
Update 3: It's not even noon and I've typed so many symptoms into fertilityfriend.com that it exploded and the dust of my delusions is raining down upon the Internet. LOOK OUT, YOU MAY BE NEXT.
Update 4: Just when I'm losing hope, my iPod makes its first shuffle... to the first song I ever sang to my son. I don't know which way this sign is supposed to take me, but I feel a temporary sense of peace.
Update 5: It's after noon and I just took a trip to the bathroom solely to check for spotting and there was none and I can't stand myself anymore.
Update 6: Now it feels like there's a heating pad across my lower abdomen. I have no idea what this means.
Update 7: Damn it. I started thinking about baby names. This optimism is getting out of hand.
Update 8: One hour until I test again. Hooray for pee sticks!
So yeah, negative. But I'm not giving up. In fact, I see a second line if I look with my peripheral vision.
In related news, I'm pathetic.
Update: I got an expert second opinion. She began in the negative, then offered, "The longer I look at it, the more I think maybe there is a second line." Exactly. Maybe if I stare for ten whole minutes, I'll become pregnant.
Update 2: I thought to myself, "I'm not gonna give up," and now I can't get Rick Astley out of my head. What a morning.
Update 3: It's not even noon and I've typed so many symptoms into fertilityfriend.com that it exploded and the dust of my delusions is raining down upon the Internet. LOOK OUT, YOU MAY BE NEXT.
Update 4: Just when I'm losing hope, my iPod makes its first shuffle... to the first song I ever sang to my son. I don't know which way this sign is supposed to take me, but I feel a temporary sense of peace.
Update 5: It's after noon and I just took a trip to the bathroom solely to check for spotting and there was none and I can't stand myself anymore.
Update 6: Now it feels like there's a heating pad across my lower abdomen. I have no idea what this means.
Update 7: Damn it. I started thinking about baby names. This optimism is getting out of hand.
Update 8: One hour until I test again. Hooray for pee sticks!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
10DPO glass half full
August 10, 2011
The test was negative, of course.
I only took the test for continuity here on the blog. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.
What's weird is that I still think I'm pregnant.
I'm nervous about tomorrow, but the test is going to show two lines.
It is.
I'm not usually a glass half full gal.
But we did it this time.
I don't care what it shows on this pee stick that I'm still studying under different sources of light and upside down, three hours later.
STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.
2:00 p.m. Update: Feeling crampy. 16 hours until I find out 16 hours until I find out 16 hours until I find out 16 hours until I find out
The test was negative, of course.
I only took the test for continuity here on the blog. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.
What's weird is that I still think I'm pregnant.
I'm nervous about tomorrow, but the test is going to show two lines.
It is.
I'm not usually a glass half full gal.
But we did it this time.
I don't care what it shows on this pee stick that I'm still studying under different sources of light and upside down, three hours later.
STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.
2:00 p.m. Update: Feeling crampy. 16 hours until I find out 16 hours until I find out 16 hours until I find out 16 hours until I find out
Thursday, July 14, 2011
11DPO stupid test
July 14, 2011
You suck, pregnancy tests. I hate you. I have a lot of words for this, but none of them are worth reading. Blah blah blah you suck. I'm having a caffeinated soda and a candy bar and screw it all.
I'm so tired of myself.
From "With Every Heartbeat" by Robyn:
4:36 p.m.: Ohmygod I'm sweating my butt off. Is this a PMS thing then? I'm going to say that it is. But you know I'm going to pee on another stick tomorrow anyway. Stupid tests.
You suck, pregnancy tests. I hate you. I have a lot of words for this, but none of them are worth reading. Blah blah blah you suck. I'm having a caffeinated soda and a candy bar and screw it all.
I'm so tired of myself.
From "With Every Heartbeat" by Robyn:
Maybe we can make it alright
We could make it better sometime
Maybe we can make it happen baby
We could keep trying but things will never change
So I don't look back
Still I'm dying with every step I take
But I don't look back
And it hurts with every heartbeat
4:36 p.m.: Ohmygod I'm sweating my butt off. Is this a PMS thing then? I'm going to say that it is. But you know I'm going to pee on another stick tomorrow anyway. Stupid tests.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
10DPO negative
July 13, 2011
This is not the first post with that title. In both previous pregnancies, I received a negative test result on 10DPO, followed by a positive on 11DPO. Why did I bother testing today? Sentimentality. Eagerness. Lack of self control.
I told myself yesterday that if my BBT was elevated today, I would test. It was elevated (see chart), and I felt that first flutter of nerves in my stomach. It's been a long time since I felt that flutter, and the disappointment of the one lonely line on the test.
My rational side is ordering me to snap out of it. I never get an accurate result on 10DPO. And if the test is negative tomorrow? There's always the next cycle. And I won't have to worry about going into labor during the wedding of my step-sister-in-law.
Still... this whole thing has a dreamlike quality. Two years ago, it was all that consumed my thoughts -- my temperature chart, signs of pregnancy, test results.
Trying to conceive again feels like stepping into a memory.
3:45 p.m.: I don't want to jinx this crap, but on 10DPO last pregnancy, I made a 3:28 p.m. footnote that I felt hot and tired. And now it's 3:45 and I'm hot and tired. The "tired" isn't unusual, but the "hot" definitely is. I anxiously await tomorrow's test.
This is not the first post with that title. In both previous pregnancies, I received a negative test result on 10DPO, followed by a positive on 11DPO. Why did I bother testing today? Sentimentality. Eagerness. Lack of self control.
I told myself yesterday that if my BBT was elevated today, I would test. It was elevated (see chart), and I felt that first flutter of nerves in my stomach. It's been a long time since I felt that flutter, and the disappointment of the one lonely line on the test.
My rational side is ordering me to snap out of it. I never get an accurate result on 10DPO. And if the test is negative tomorrow? There's always the next cycle. And I won't have to worry about going into labor during the wedding of my step-sister-in-law.
Still... this whole thing has a dreamlike quality. Two years ago, it was all that consumed my thoughts -- my temperature chart, signs of pregnancy, test results.
Trying to conceive again feels like stepping into a memory.
3:45 p.m.: I don't want to jinx this crap, but on 10DPO last pregnancy, I made a 3:28 p.m. footnote that I felt hot and tired. And now it's 3:45 and I'm hot and tired. The "tired" isn't unusual, but the "hot" definitely is. I anxiously await tomorrow's test.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
11DPO polarity
Negative.
Depending on the moment, I may be sure that I'm pregnant or sure that I'm not. There's no way off this roller coaster. Either I'm a glutton for punishment or there's simply no possible way to rein in the pleading wishes of a desperate person.
Why I am: My BBT jumped sky high this morning to 98.49. I could swear that when I took the test out in the sunlight and turned it just the right way and looked at it only in my peripheral vision, I could see just the lightest faintest pinkish second line. I'm also feeling some nausea and cramps.
Why I'm not: My temperature jumped that high two months ago when I wasn't pregnant, too. Any sane outsider would call my test "negative." Last month I had a visible positive on 11DPO. The nausea and cramps would be PMS, as it's too early for symptoms of any kind.
Put me out of my misery!
Depending on the moment, I may be sure that I'm pregnant or sure that I'm not. There's no way off this roller coaster. Either I'm a glutton for punishment or there's simply no possible way to rein in the pleading wishes of a desperate person.
Why I am: My BBT jumped sky high this morning to 98.49. I could swear that when I took the test out in the sunlight and turned it just the right way and looked at it only in my peripheral vision, I could see just the lightest faintest pinkish second line. I'm also feeling some nausea and cramps.
Why I'm not: My temperature jumped that high two months ago when I wasn't pregnant, too. Any sane outsider would call my test "negative." Last month I had a visible positive on 11DPO. The nausea and cramps would be PMS, as it's too early for symptoms of any kind.
Put me out of my misery!
Monday, September 14, 2009
10DPO negative
I tested today. Obsessed, remember? Is it negative or too early for results? I know in my heart that it's negative. It feels as if I can't breathe. My chest is too cold.
To be given last month, and for it to be followed with this... I don't know how to stand up under it anymore.
From "Stroke of Luck" by Garbage.
3:28 p.m.: Feeling hot, tired, emotional, nauseated, and cramping. I wish I could stop myself from hoping.
To be given last month, and for it to be followed with this... I don't know how to stand up under it anymore.
From "Stroke of Luck" by Garbage.
A stroke of luck or a gift from God?
The hand of fate or devil's claws?
From below or saints above?
You came to me
Here comes the cold again
I feel it closing in
It's falling down and
All around me
Falling
3:28 p.m.: Feeling hot, tired, emotional, nauseated, and cramping. I wish I could stop myself from hoping.
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