Sex my Bitch Up!

Believe it or not, I haven't washed Bitchie since last fall. I know, I know--I'm guilty of Bitch abuse. I have wiped her off a litte bit here and there, but no full cleaning until this morning. And because she now sports Nokons, I can no longer just hose my Bitch down--I have to gingerly fondle every nook and cranny with the Bike Wash either lightly sprayed on (which I can do on the brakes and rear derailleur), or wiped on with a splooge towel (well actually a shop towel, but go with me here).

Well, today was the best cleaning I've ever done of Bitchie! I got almost everywhere on her, and I know she appreciated the attention. I think I now know where all of her special spots are. And I'm almost motivated to take her completely apart this fall--does anyone know where I can find a Bike Valet to do this for me???

Anyway, here she is all cleaned up before I put all the accessory crap back on her:














And here's the Hydro Tail with the new Specialized Rib Cage Pros:















Beautiful, huh? Funny thing is I took Bitchie to The Bike Shop Saturday afternoon to get these put on and a few other things, but the dude put both the X-lab straps on the same cage, which is not what I wanted, but I didn't realize it until I got home. I coped for Sunday's ride, but then I figured I'd just move them around. Nope. I needed to buy an 8mm wrench to hold the lock nuts in place to screw properly. Then I realized that the longer cage bolts required for the X-lab straps would not fit end-to-end inside the Hydro Tail properly, and I'd need slightly shorter ones (imagine that--needing a shorter screw). So last night before massage school, I went to the local Trek store, and headed to the Service area to get some different ones. Turns out one of the wrenches is a very young guy who had just done his very first triathlon, only the swim was cancelled and it was a duathlon! He asked me how many triathlons I've done, and I told him I don't know exactly...but 12 this year already! He and the other wrench got all googly-eyed at this, and I told them to track down my blog.

So before I started the foreplay...er...cleaning this morning, I undid the cages and switched to the new bolts, and everything is all good now.

Here are Bitchie's lubricants. She gets a little dry from time to time since I ride her pretty hard:














And finally, here she is with all her accessory crap on (and her lubricants):














Now that she's all sparkly and all, I almost don't want to ride her. Nah--you know me--I'm going to go ride her like the little Bitch she is soon enough. And if we have good weather on Sunday and it's not too windy, I'm going to put on the disk and front Cane Creek and we'll go stylin' as Ultra Bitch and Crackhead!

Bottle Cage Emergency

For LGL, I initially tried getting Arundel Trident carbon cages, but they became unavailable. So I just slapped on some (still good cages) Specialized Rib Cage Pros that weigh 37 grams each (pretty lightweight).

A few weeks ago, I tried getting some carbon Elite cages, and again, my supplier's supplier (I have a running tab going at The Bike Shop) was unable to get them, as they became unavailable. I think the ones I was trying to get cost around $50 each.

Well, I've been getting frustrated, as I need LGL to be 100% blinged out,and so I searched for a carbon cage (it has to be Italian) that is stylish and available. So I settled on this one. It's the top of the line, and frankly I don't care what it costs. I made up a new term: MINOWICTB, pronounced min-oh-wicked-bee, and it stands for Money Is No Object When It Comes To Bikes. I think it must be Indian for "I have some cash burning a hole in my pants there must be something I need for one of my bikes or a completely new bike."

Now, these cages are a bit over the top, but I don't fucking care. I am ready to be made fun of for owning them. They only weigh 27 grams each, so I am saving TWENTY GRAMS off the weight of LGL! Plus I like that they have a touch of red on them. I had asked at The Bike Shop whether the carbon cages were able to be used with conventional screws. To which one of the guys responded, "There Is No Such Thing As a Conventional Screw." TINSTACS. You heard it here first!

It's Sunday, I'm up early, and so I've decided I'm doing a triathlon today--1500 yard swim, 2-hour ride and :45 run. I guess that makes it a sprint, huh? And I'll be riding LGL today, what the hell. She's dying to lose those 20 grams!