Tank Doing It Again

It wasn't too long after ESPN's shameful coverage of the D.C. United-David Beckham...er... L.A. Galaxy game in RFK Stadium that I swore off watching the World Wide Leaders In Schlock except when they're showing an actual sporting event (and Poker does not count) between two teams I'm interested in watching.

So I couldn't tell you for certain how close these strips from Tank McNamara are to reality or satire:




All images from gocomics.com

But I wouldn't be surprised in the least to find out that they are pretty close to the truth. My Father, who is spending his retirement (among other things) in Las Vegas, tells me the biggest complaint he hears out there about ESPN is that it is the New York Network. The World Wide Leaders in Schlock already shove as much of the Yankees down our throat as possible so the odds of them covering the search for Joe Torre's replacement could very well have been handled like the coverage of the Conclave.

Though this past Sunday night I was watching the Maryland Women's Basketball team beat Oklahoma on ESPN2. I was baffled by the consistent updates of the NASCAR Race in Phoenix that kept interrupting the ESPN2 Bottom Line. I know the race was carried on the "ESPN Family of Networks" but what in the world made the people in charge of programming at ESPN think that NASCAR and Women's College Basketball share the same audience? I've never been to a NASCAR race, but I've been to plenty of Women's College Basketball games and I can assure you, I've never seen any of the fans wearing NASCAR gear at a Women's College Basketball game and I would be very surprised if I did.

Maybe these guys at the World Wide Leader in Schlock have access to data that I don't, but I do know all the ended up doing if there was a "cross-pollination" between the two fan bases is drive viewers away from ESPN2 and over to ABC. How that makes sense and makes the NCAA happy is beyond me.

A Kiss Of Death If I Ever Saw One

Ok, seriously, this isn't me just being a nattering nabob of negativism here and while I enjoy bashing the Worldwide Leader in Schlock, them deciding to follow the Caps this season just comes across as a bad omen.

Think of this as ESPN.com's "print" version of "The Season." Did any of the teams that ESPN pick for that program ever meet their expectations? Look, I know certain people want all the exposure they can get for this team and the sport overall. Along as Burnside reports in a respectful manner and the season doesn't go totally to pot very quickly, the series will be a good thing.

But as I said this week, if everybody is picking the Caps as a "surprise" and "darkhorse," just how are we a darkhorse and a surprise? Shouldn't we be favorites in that case? It seems to me that ESPN expects big things out of the Caps this season and only increases the pressure.

And let's not kid ourselves either, the odds of this increasing the exposure of the NHL on the Worldwide Leader in Schlock is rather slime because this will run only on the internet and not on the network itself.

The Scholckmeisters Strike Again

In their vanilla (and I do mean vanilla) Caps preview, the Worldwide Leader in Schlock link to a polling question. You options for "Best Defenseman on the Capitals this season" are Tom Poti, Brian Pothier, and Ben "What A" Clymer.

Maybe they missed the memo, but the Clymer blueline experiment was a failure last season that didn't last very long and nobody is expecting him to play there this season. Though maybe they can be excused because the Caps roster lists him as a defenseman.

And about the other choices, what about Shaone Morrrissonnn and Milan Jurcina? At the end of last season, these two were the top pairing and weren't very bad at it either. But actually following the sports their covering instead of the hype that they play a huge hand in creating is asking too much of the Worldwide Leader in Schlock.

Finally if you're heading out to Kettler today to watch paint dry...er... practice, don't bother, the Caps have canceled practice today. However, if you still wear red to Kettler, they'll give you a free ticket to a preseason game today (while supplies last of course).

They Fired Joe Theismann in Favor of This???

I was just watching the endless morning loop of ESPN's Sportscenter and in their preview of tonight's Monday Night Football preseason game in San Francisco, Tony Kornheiser said that he was more interested in what 49ers head coach Mike Nolan will be wearing on the sidelines tonight than anything else.

Say what you want about Joe Theismann in the booth but there's no way you'll ever convince me that he is/was worse than Tony Kornheiser. But this is par for the ESPN course. Forget "all sizzle and no steak", it's just nothing but all schlock all the time.

Furthermore, I'm not alone in complaining about ESPN's coverage of the D.C. United-L.A. Galaxy game last week. D.C. United players are upset as well and they very well should be. They played a great game in front of a large audience and got zip in the way of attention. I can only imagine just how upset they would be if they had seen the entire broadcast of the game and not just the 30 second highlight package the next day.

And remember folks, this is the network that a majority of NHL Owners and fans think can take the NHL to the "promised land."

The World Wide Leader In Schlock

Much to my surprise, ESPN2 didn't hold up the start of the David Beckham game last night at RFK Stadium. However, nothing else about the game was much of surprise to me as it was David Beckham, David Beckham, L.A. Galaxy, and a healthy dose of Landon Donovan thrown in for good measure.

Oh, and BTW if you didn't already know, David Beckham and the rest of the L.A. Galaxy was playing D.C. United.

D.C. United actually won the game too but all you heard about on ESPN2 was David Beckham this and David Beckham that. It was a David Beckham stalker's dream broadcast. ESPN2 even dedicated a David Beckham cam to follow David Beckham as he sat on the bench.

Now I'll give the guy credit, he played despite a balky ankle on a poor field in bad weather conditions. He could have very easily hurt himself even more than he already is and used that as an excuse to not play, especially after L.A. went down a man.

But this isn't a post bashing David Beckham, this is a post bashing ESPN. Between ESPN2's fawning coverage of Beckham (we got more replays of Beckham warming up than we did of Luciano Emilio's goal, which was the only goal of the game) and the HIGH-LARIOUS Barra Brava/Screaming Eagles "We Sing Better Than Your Wife" sign directly across from the L.A. bench - that cracked me up everytime I saw it - it was tough to watch what was a very good soccer game. Well, at least for D.C. United fans.

Even Michael Wilbon was at the game to repeat his slur that the MLS has "blown by the NHL." However Michael would you have been at RFK if that game had been scheduled for a 5 pm kickoff on September 9th? I don't think so. One thing lost in all the hoopla is that Beckham is signed for five years. So that means there (should be) four more visits to Washington, D.C. If the L.A. Galaxy and D.C. United can still pack in 46,686 or more into RFK (or wherever D.C. United is playing) in 2011, then I'll be impressed.

D.C. United is back in RFK on August 22nd versus their arch rivals, the New York Red Bulls. If D.C. United can get generate half of the 46,686, I'll be surprised and maybe, just maybe concede that Wilbon is right about soccer and hockey. However, the odds of D.C. and New York generating 23K+ for a mid week match in the middle of August is rather slim. Furthermore, with the admission that the MLS "needs 25 more Beckhams" maybe the MLS isn't on the solid footing that some think it is. Nobody is clamoring for more "star power" in the NHL.

Besides, even if the MLS went out and got 25 more Beckhams, I seriously doubt it would make much of a difference for the MLS. The NASL already tried that and failed miserably. Furthermore, the more David Beckham's the MLS imports, the fewer American players the MLS develops for the U.S. National Team. While some might see this as xenophobia, the best thing the MLS does is that they help identify and develop talent for the U.S. National team. It is good for the MLS's bottom line that David Beckham is here and people are coming out in droves to watch him run up and down the sideline for an hour. However, it will be through the success of the U.S. National team that will grow the sport in the United States. Not aging foreign superstars in the twilight of their careers.

But the problem for the MLS right now is that they have to go out and get a David Beckham in order to get ESPN to pay any attention to them. This is potentially the first step down the same road that the NASL traveled. And true to form, David Beckham is the only thing that ESPN is willing to talk about. Jaime Moreno needs one goal to become the All-Time leading goal scorer in MLS history and it got passing mention (mostly on a graphic) but even discussion about Moreno was spun into more talking about Beckham. After Beckham came on the field, there was one point where D.C. United maintained consistent possession, but not a single man in ESPN's three man soccer booth mentioned a United player's name with the ball or United in general. It was all Beckham and Galaxy.

There was little interest in the MLS from ESPN before David Beckham signed on. Now ESPN is overkilling everybody on David Beckham so that when people get tired of hearing about him and pay attention elsewhere, they'll say "soccer is dead in America" and/or "what's wrong with Americans that they don't like soccer"?

But soccer not being a uniquely American sport, which is Wilbon's excuse, won't be the reason why. It will be because people like ESPN show little respect for the sports that they cover. They shove the New York Yankees down everybody's throats, especially when they're playing the Mets and Red Sox. They employ hype masters like Stephen A. Smith and Dookie Vitale who turn more people off to their broadcasts than turn on. They also promote and build signature broadcasts around bozos like Tony Kornheiser.

No wonder Dan Patrick is jumping ship...