peace out, yo

In just a few hours, the kids and I will be hitting the road once again to go visit the rents. We'll be back in a week. I hope everyone behaves themselves and please don't fart and stink up this place, 'k?

Before I sign off, I'd like to thank y'all for the birthday wishes!! I had a great yet uneventful day and fun with the kids. I'll share more about that when I return.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, a good start to July and a memorable Independence Day!

Stay cool, fools!

it was supposed to end this way

This is a fucking riot!!

one year closer to 40

That's right, today is my birthday.

Life as I know it is over.

*snicker*

I don't have much to say. I'm still kind of amazed that at 39 years old, I can still remember all the significant birthdays. Well, except for my 21st. That will always remain a blur.

It amazes me that when I was in college, time couldn't pass fast enough! Ever since then, time seems to fly at warp speed.

What do I have to show for my age? Two beautiful children and birthing hips that never went away. A gray skunk stripe in my hair that actually looks pretty cool, and a pretty gosh-darn wonderful life.

Yes, I said 'gosh-darn'. I'm trying to keep this post G-rated so don't fuck it up for me.

Oops.

Enjoy your day folks. I know I will!

gimme' some scam with a side order of bullshit

I'm sure you've seen by now that I no longer have advertisements on my blog. There is a very good reason for this.

When I first joined this site and saw their payment list, I really thought this would be a great way for me to make some decent pocket money. Their payment list is something like $1 for video feeds, $2 for image feeds...and so on. I figured I could really rack up some change with those payouts.

So imagine my surprise after I checked my revenue after the first day of placing ads on my blog and I saw that the video of the dog painting had been played twice and I earned $0.01.

That's right 1 cent.

*blank stare*

I waited a few days to see if things picked up and they did. At the end of the third day, I had a whopping 8 cents.

I Emailed these tards and asked them if this shit was some sort of scam or if they had changed their payment schedule without notifying members. A few days later, I received an Email explaining that, for instance, I would earn $1 for every 1,000 clicks. This of course, was not information readily available on their site. Furthermore, I don't get 1,000 clicks in a month, how the fuck would I ever earn any money?!

Still, I gave it one more try and this morning, I was rich with a grand total of 18 cents.

The catch is that they don't pay out until you've reached $50. I would reach that amount when I was old, gray and my vagina was ready to fall out. So enough with that shit!

I haven't just brought sexy back, I've also brought my sidebar back! Yee fucking haw!

this blog requires accompanying parent or guardian

I have a lot of lurkers who come to my blog. Friends who are too pussy to reveal themselves. (Hint, hint.)

*snicker*

Quite often, these friends receive humorous Emails or discover things from other peoples' blogs and pass them onto me because they don't have a blog of their own and they want to see it going somewhere other than to just other peoples' inboxes.

I usually use that "stuff" as filler, on days that I have little to talk about. But when someone sent me the URL to a site that provided my blog with a movie rating, I couldn't resist.

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• fucking (3x)
• gay (1x)

What the hairy fuck?! I only get a fucking R rating?! I've said 'fuck' A LOT more than just 3 times and 'gay'??!?! How does the word 'gay' deserve an R rating? And I've said a helluva lot worse than just fuck on here...like motherfucker, pussy, fuckstain and many other colorful words. Damnit, I deserve a motherfucking X rating at the least!!

I'm deeply offended. I thought I was doing myself proud but apparently my blog rates up there with movies like Pulp Fiction instead of classic flicks like Deep Throat. This just sucks major-ass elephant schlong. I may even cry.

Dickcheesecocksuckerasslickingtwathole.

There, that should improve my score.


UPDATE: Heh.

After I published this post, I went back and did a mulligan on this rating shit.

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• fuck (7x)
• fucking (5x)
• gay (4x)
• murder (3x)
• shit (2x)
• knife (1x)

Ahh. That's better...although I still have a problem with some of the words listed. Murder? Knife?

Whatever. I'm a happy fucking camper now, babies!

your help is needed

Don't laugh...

Next June, I've decided that I'm going to try out for the local roller derby team. Yes, you read correctly.

I missed this year's try outs by 2 weeks. I've decided I'm gonna' spend the next year getting myself in the best shape of my life so that I can be ready for next year. Here's where I require your assistance...

I need a name. I know, I'm jumping the gun a bit but I like to plan ahead.

So here's what I've come up with so far and I need y'all to tell me if you like any of them or if you can think of any good ones on your own:

President Evil (after the Resident Evil movies)
Hellacious Dee (after Tenacious D)
Strawberry Shorttemper (after Strawberry Shortcake)
Scarlet I'hateya (Scarlet O'Hara)
Ivanna Breakya
Moody Bea Yotch

Okay, let's hear yours.

cool beans!!

Last night, during one of the few times I watched the local news in the last few months, I learned that last night and tonight, the International Space Station could be viewed in the evening sky. Thankfully, today was the only nice day this week and the sky tonight was full of flickering stars and bright planets.

So somewhere between 10:01 and 10:04, the space station would be visible for one minute. My kids and I went outside eight minutes 'til and laid down on the driveway. Sure enough, out of the corner of my left eye I spotted it and it was just like they said it would be - a fast-moving star. We watched it as it raced across the sky and within a minute, the light had faded. It was a perfect way to start the weekend.

And it certainly made up for the bonehead bagger at the supermarket this morning.

This guy just never shuts up. He means well but he's always cracking jokes and I mean non-freakin'-stop. It's too annoying for words. Even the cashier seemed bothered by him. And the worst part about it, he was cracking jokes with my daughter and being unintentionally rude about it. For instance, I was trying to check out using my credit card and for some reason it wasn't going through so he turned to my daughter and said "It's all your fault.". Okay, so he was only playing around with her but who tells a 6 year old child that?! Kids are so sensitive to words, it doesn't matter how it's said, when they hear someone blaming them for something it makes them feel bad.

I finally had to tell him to be quiet. I don't like being rude to people in such a way but I told him that there was a point that he had to figure out when to stop. That little kids don't understand jokes the way adults do. He tried to make it up to me by offering to take my cart out to my car but I declined the offer. I couldn't get outta' there fast enough!

I didn't bother bringing him up in conversation with my daughter. I knew she was wondering why he was acting so creepy but I just thought I should leave well enough alone because I think his behavior weirded her out enough!

I hope ya'll have a great weekend!

under construction

As a full-time mom, some of you may have wondered how a divorced, single mother of two children can make it on her own. Well frankly, it's none of your business. Heh.

During my life, I've worked in offices and in retail and both atmospheres are not conducive to my maintaining a healthy mental status! I've always sworn I would never work in an office again due to office politics and stupid-ass co-workers who thrive on gossip and conflict but since that's everywhere, I knew going back to work for someone else would never happen and I am determined to keep it that way! I also realize there's gonna' come a time when I will have no choice but to go back to work, whatever, whenever that may be.

I write and I always thought I'd make a career out of it but life had other plans for me. As my children grow, I thought I'd have more time to do the things I wanted but it's been the complete opposite. School events, extracurricular activities and now this coming school year I will be a room mother for my daughter's class, there is just no time right now to fulfill that long-term goal of mine.

I feel very fortunate to have certain finances available to me that allow me to continue to stay at home but like anyone in my position, I cannot go overboard in my spending without an income to continually boost my accounts.

Over the past year, I have looked for ways to make money through my blog. I tried placing advertisements on a past blog but no one bought into it . If you look on my sidebar below, you will notice a news story. This, I've decided, is how I'm going to try to make some income. I don't expect it to be anything but extra pocket money but who would ever complain about that?! And over the next few days, you will see some changes on my blog to accommodate the stories as you can see that the layouts are rather large.

As someone who doesn't really watch TV, the only way I really get my news fix is by the ticker tape of news that runs across the top of my computer screen but unfortunately, it's not always current and up-to-date. For instance, several years ago when Saddam Hussein was captured, it was finally brought to my attention 3 days later and that was by word-of-mouth! So I thought something like this would be a fun way to get my daily dose. What I need your help with is to find out what stories you would like to see. Entertainment and people? Health? Lifestyle? And if you ask for politics you can kiss my pucker because this is a NO POLITICS zone!

Thanks for your input, y'all! Have a great day before the official day of summer!

breaking news - Jon Benet Ramsey murder solved!!

You're hearing it here first, folks. I've solved the case on my own. I know who did it!!

Or should I say, someone else told me her theory this very morning.

As I was waiting with my son for other campers to arrive to CSI camp, a mother showed up whom I cannot stand. She's nice enough and certainly means well but I learned awhile ago when our daughters were on the same gymnastics team, to avoid her like the plague mainly because her constant jibber-jabber and tall tales caused me to miss watching my daughter in action. If you've ever known someone who just talks nonstop, going off on tangents left and right and never allowing you to get a word in edgewise, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

As we were leaving our kids to go solve some mock crime, I mentioned to her that I loved the color of her daughter's hair - a darker strawberry-blond mix. Somehow, we got to talking about Jon Benet and her bleach job.

Suddenly, this woman goes completely off-topic about how in the mid-90's someone in her (the woman I was speaking with) family put out a hit on her life and how she managed to stay alive while someone else took the hit. I'm pretty sure she saw me crossing my eyes at her as I magically managed to keep a straight face during her story.

I'm sure you're wondering how her near-whacking applies to Jon Benet's dye job. Hold your water, I'm getting there.

Oh wait...I'm already there. It doesn't.

What she finally told me was that Patsy Ramsey put out a hit on her own child. That there were too many children in the family, Jon Benet was costing her too much and she decided she wanted to keep the earnings and such from Jon Benet's pageant winnings for herself. All this information provided to this woman by someone, possibly a family friend, I can't really recall whom it was as I was trying not to laugh while still trying to obtain all the information to report back to y'all.

Apparently this friend knew how Jon Benet was killed before the murder ever took place. Yeah and I'm really a fat black woman named Aunt Jemima.

Wait...my 6th sense is kicking into high gear. Yes...yes...I see a padded cell and lots of mouth-drooling sedatives given to this woman in the near future.


*snicker*

ta-daaaaaa

Get out your party hats, yo! The painting is complete!

I finished painting around 8am yesterday morning and then spent the rest of the day doing absofuckinglutely nothing. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. That's not entirely true, I did watch the movie Alpha Dog. Not bad but Justin Timberlake needs his mouth washed out with a bulk-sized container of liquid soap. That coming from such a pristine gal like myself. Heh.

My son is aware what I did, or should I say didn't do with his room, and wasn't disappointed, which I'm thankful for because I think he would have been extremely disappointed had he seen what I had originally done with it. Can anyone say technicolor paint puke?!

So what do I have to remind me of this whole experience other than one very bright and colorful room and the other crisp and clean-looking? A seriously massive bruise on the back of one thigh where I missed the lower step of my step-ladder and body slammed myself into a very thick, wood headboard. It hurts like a motherfucker.

Back to holding down the sofa!

i fought the good fight

And in the end, the perfectionist in me won.

When I went into my son's room this morning, I knew that no amount of paint splatters were going to make my son's room look decent. And since I refuse to settle on just okay, I went out early this morning, picked up some more paint trays and rollers and was already finished with the first coat of primer by 9am.

I just found myself completely disgusted and since I know my son, I knew he wasn't going to like it and it would have hurt worse for me to have to hear that he didn't like it and then having to repaint it rather than my repainting it now and have he and I come up with another plan when he returns.

So back to work. I'm never painting again. Heh.

UPDATE: Someone kill me now.

I primed one coat this morning and then noticed that the red paint was raised and I had to sandpaper. Of course this was after I had already returned from the home improvement store so there was no way I was going back out again. I found a sanding block and that worked but wore out pretty quickly. I called a neighbor to see if she had any sandpaper and she had a sanding block too so she gave that to me, then returned a few minutes later with another sanding block. But the first sanding block was used up by the time she came back with the second one and the second one must have been kept in a moist spot and not between my legs so it didn't work.

Fuckity fuck fuck fuckadoodles.

I called the supermarket in my neighborhood and they carried sandpaper. I figured with the way my luck was going, they'd have a mad rush for sandpaper and it would be all gone by the time I got there. Luckily, that wasn't the case and I was in and out of the store in just a matter of minutes.

By the time I got home, I was pretty much fed up with the way things were going and I took a much needed break before tackling the sanding. Before sitting down to write this update, I sandpapered my tuchas off, primed and then...noticed some sanding I had missed. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!

So now I have to wait awhile 'til this coat dries before I can go back in and fuck it up some more. By the time I'm done, I'll probably have about 3-4 coats of primer on and then I'm definitely painting at least one coat of paint today. I am determined that this fucking devil of a room will be finished by early tomorrow morning.

Oh yeah...THEN, I commented to all your comments, posted it and it. didn't. fucking. work. Fucking Blogger can kiss my snatch.

what have i done?!

Well folks, it looks like someone has thrown up on my son's walls. I thought the blue paint would add a little something but all it really looks like are blue streaks trying to mask a blood spatter design. Better yet, I think this is what explosive diarrhea would look like if people shit red and blue.

*snort*

I should be crying, not laughing. I tried thickening the blue paint but it remained thin and runny. I thought for a moment that I should stop, prime the walls again and repaint in the off-white but I figured I'll just finish the job, see what my son thinks and if he hates it, then I'll start from scratch.

All I can say, is that it's definitely not how I envisioned it. This is a serious creative brain fart. And a real stinky one at that.

crime scene - do not cross line

Angered by a minor bank account issue that will be resolved tomorrow by my beheading the bank manager with a machete, I was very motivated to get to work and was able to paint two coats of off-white paint on my son's walls by 9:30 this morning.

I let things dry and began the splattered paint design I'd had planned for his room. Let's just say my vision is not quite what I thought it would be.

It's not horrible...if you like that blood spattered/crime scene kind of look.

*blank stare*

That's pretty much my reaction when I did the first round of paint splatter, stood at the opposite end of the room, blinked a few times and realized what it resembled. I was going more for a Jackson Pollock look. I call my masterpiece "Jackson Pollock meets Leatherface".

About three years ago, I painted one wall red in the kids' playroom. That was the color they chose, so up it went. I still had some left over and since there's red in my son's bedding, I thought it could be put to good use. All I can say, is that I hope a team of forensics experts never has a reason to come into my house because I will surely be put away after they see my son's walls.

I was looking at some of the designs the splatter/drips morphed into and I predict my son, who has the occasional night terror, will have some after he sees some of the shapes.

Let's just hope that when I add blue to it tomorrow, it looks better!

get me some granny panties and call the nursing home

Remember the song "Hurts So Good" by John Cougar Mellencamp? I now understand what the song really means. It talks about the aches and pains one feels when painting a child's bedroom. Except this doesn't hurt so good as in Jane Fonda' feel-the-burn good. This hurts so bad as in "Ow, someone rip my limbs from my body to take away the pain."

I know, that makes no sense. It's my poor attempt at trying to be funny at 4-something in the morning, shut up.

I went to bed last night with my hamstrings pulled, my forearms aching and my hands stiff. I woke up to that obnoxious beep on my TV from the Emergency Broadcast System warning of an impending thunderstorm and instructing me to take cover immediately. Fuckers. I can't fucking move without hurting and they want me to go jump in my closet? Yeah, right. I'd rather the wind pick me up and take me there.

I figured if I did need to make a dash to a safe place, I might as well plan ahead and pee. Don't need to be stuck inside a closet and feel the urge in there, right? I hobbled to the bathroom and my knees creaked as I sat down! Even tearing the plastic tampon wrapper was difficult. Wait, you didn't need to know that last part.

I had just gotten back into bed when the rain and wind started picking up and an intense lightening show began, and all the while I thought, "Ya' know, it would just be my luck that my house would be damaged from this storm and it would be just the two rooms I've been working on." I have the doors to the kids' rooms closed so the cats can't get in there but I'm pretty sure all is safe.

My daughter's room is done. It looks fantabulous, if I do say so myself! My son's room I have yet to tackle. I've done the priming and edging but every time I step into his room to look at what has to be done, I find an excuse to put it off! You see, the child has a 20-foot ceiling and very huge walls to paint. But I have nothing left to do in my daughter's room so I have no excuses today. Just gotta' remind myself to overdose on the Motrin so I can actually move to paint.

Wish me luck, yo!!

a productive weekend

Please excuse me should there be any typos or some nonsensical writings in this post. I've been huffing paint fumes painting my kids' rooms all weekend long and I believe breathing in the fumes has had a permanent affect on me.

In all seriousness, it's all good. I've had proper ventilation and no lectures are required on my personal safety. Besides, hallucinating that there are wild mushrooms dancing the Cha Cha Slide on the walls aren't always a bad thing.

So this was my biggest project of the summer and I'm near completion. I'm fairly sure I'll be finished by Wednesday. The waiting time between coats is the hardest because I'm just so eager to get it done. My daughter's room finally has some color to it with one wall a brilliant and bold shade of lavender that matches color in her bedding. My son will have a more abstract design, with an off-white base (the same color that's throughout most of the house) and a speckled paint technique on top with a variety of primary colors that are within his bedding. I decided not to go overboard on his room because most of the walls are going to be covered with sports posters and hockey memorabilia anyway. My kids know I'm painting but have no idea what my ideas were for their rooms prior to their vacation so I look forward to their reactions.

Have I mentioned my intense dislike for plastic drop cloths?! I've been doing this entire job barefooted so I'm constantly trying to avoid the leach-like plastic! And the newspaper is no better, making my feet blacker than the ace of spades. Oh well, a meager price to pay for my kids!

In other news, the cell phone I bought for my son is working out GREAT! The kids have called or text messaged me everyday and it's nice to know that they have access to contact me whenever they wish. My mind is at ease compared to what it would have been if I had to rely on their dad to talk to them.

Hope everyone had a great weekend and are having a good start to the week!

gimme a fucking break!

My kids left last night on their vacation. And no the person who shall not be mentioned here never told me where they were going. Who told me? My son, who called me on his new phone. Thank God for cell phone!

But it doesn't matter where they're going or what they're doing it's the aftermath that's driving me up the fucking wall and day #1 of their vacation isn't even half over! My phone has not stopped ringing all fucking morning with calls from my parents and sister. There is no peace-of-mind here for me.

I decided to take this morning off to catch up on some sleep before starting on my numerous projects and the cell phone activity has been nearly non-stop. The latest, which I chose to ignore and let go to voicemail was a call from my father to let me know that my son called him to tell him of their accommodations and that my father was just calling to let me know that he was happy he got the call. And this couldn't have been sent to me by Email because...?!

I can't even begin to tell you how much shit I have to get done around here. I doubt I will get it all done while they're away but there's one project I definitely have to do and I don't know how it's going to get done with these constant phone calls.

Well there's two projects actually...I mean, I am trying to keep tabs on this whole Paris Hilton phenomenon.

And then get this...

I'm having a problem with one of my A/C units. This is nothing new. There's always something wrong with one of my A/C units. So here I am, all caught up in this ridiculous Paris Hilton bullshit and waiting around here for the A/C tech to show up between 3-5 this afternoon when the door rings just now - with me in a T-shirt, no bra, pajama bottoms and I suddenly notice that I have a huge fucking hole in the seam of the ass of my pants.

And if you call me an "Ass Hole" after this, I will hurt you.

Anyway, it's the A/C guy and he's early of course, which I'm not complaining about...wait, yes I am but that's besides the point. But anyway, my mind is so confuzzled that the whole point of this is that I just have so much shit on my mind that I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about anymore.

*snicker*

I'll just leave with you that and hope y'all are having a good day.

the art of online dating essays

If there's anything I've learned from online dating is that I really know how to write an eye-catching essay. I'm not the usual "I'm a down-to-earth, intelligent, hard-working woman who loves to laugh and play..." type of person. Every other person has something that reads like that and I'm tired of my head falling into my Special K from boredom. No, I definitely have a talent for attracting attention. Or, should I say, attracting all the wrong people.

My recent 'about me' essay reads like this:

Hello? Anyone out there with a sense of humor?! I've grown somewhat weary of men responding to me whose personalities match that of day-old chewing gum. Or perhaps the gum has more personality, sometimes it's hard to tell. I'm a northern-born, southern-loving, full-time mom who's fun, bold, honest, sincere, independent and so much more! Simply put, you either like my brash and sassy attitude or your don't. Looking for a guy who has personality, charm, can easily make me laugh and who's not afraid to take chances. And who only has one chin and no manboobs. I don't share my bras with anyone! As for me, I am pre-approved and I meet all the necessary FDA requirements! I am a strong, self-sufficient, mentally stable woman looking for the same in a man. Just looking for something real - love or lust, whichever comes first. I'm not too hung up on appearances so if you don't look like Brad Pitt, that's fine. However, if your face resembles Brad Pitt's tuchas, then we have a problem. Really now, what captures my attention are sparkling eyes and a great smile. Those and a really huge beer gut that extends over the top of your pants. You should know, that I pass wind for sport and have won awards in 4 different countries for my ability to expel gas on command. I was just saying that to see if you were paying attention. If you don't find this essay repulsive or you've laughed at least once, please feel free to contact me!

The other day this dick contacted me:

the gas part is nice... do you make love with the red wig on or off?

He was referring to this picture

which isn't even me. It's of the Woman in Red from the movie Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. I'm not even gonna' take the time to explain why I posted it but most people can tell from the other photos I have posted on my profile, that she doesn't even remotely look like me so they don't bother asking me stupid questions about it.

This was my response: How tasteful it was for you to mention sex in an initial Email to someone.

His response: the word sex does not appear in my initial email. so do you have sex with the wig on?

Did I mention that this is a 51 year old man asking me this?!

My final response: Are you always this much of an idiot? No need to respond, it was a rhetorical question. Besides, you've been blocked so I don't need to receive anymore asinine responses from you.

Then a guy writes me and asks if I can fart any tunes for him. Unfortunately, this was not the first such request. I asked him if he would like me to toot Beethoven's 5th for him and he said just as long as it wasn't his second movement. I know. I so walked into that one. And yes, communication with him ended there.

I guess these are just one of many things one must suffer through when being such an artist.

*heavy sigh*

the air of nothingness

It's been almost a week since my last post and I still have nothing. But I'm going to share that nothing with you because it's been almost a week since my last post and I have nothing else to share. I know, I'm generous like that. Feel free to thank me later.

My kids were busy with basketball camp this past week. Yup, that was the gist of it. Such news makes for real interesting blogging material, doesn't it?! My son had his in the morning, my daughter had hers in the afternoon. My daughter's really diggin' the fact that she's old enough now to participate in more camps this summer. However, all this running around and not replenishing her fluids fast enough caused her to be a bit dehydrated yesterday. After her basketball camp, I learned she had had nothing to drink for 3 hours during camp time. She wasn't feeling right from the moment she woke up and as we were headed into the school in the morning to drop my son off, she made me stop the car because she thought she was going to throw up. Let's just say, I rectified that problem yesterday afternoon when we returned home, forcing her to drink a huge container of Gatorade and two 20 ounce bottles of water before she went to bed. When she said she felt like she was going to float away, had already peed two oceans and nearly flooded an island in the South Pacific, I knew it was time to stop. I mean, I certainly don't want any unnecessary water damage in my house, either!

In between camps yesterday, we had an hour to kill so I took my kids over to the cell phone store to pick out my son's early birthday present. He was busy reading as both kids are participating in the summer reading program through their school so when we pulled into the parking lot, he was shocked, jumping in his seat and thanking me every which way. He picked out a nice phone and free, I should add. Very well should have been since I've been a customer of this carrier for over 10 years. We picked out a family plan, signed a contract and off we were to learn how to use his new phone. Luckily, his phone is simple to use and it took us no time at all.

It's that My Favs plan, I'm sure you've seen the advertisements on TV. By the time we got home, my phone was then reflecting the changes we had made in my existing plan and I had to relearn my phone because all the features I knew before were in different spots!

And yes, I did explain to both the kids that his phone was for safety reasons. I tried to explain to them in as simple terms as possible my reasons for getting him a phone and getting him one a month before his birthday without coming right out and telling him I think his father's a jerk. And when his dad called last night to speak to them, I told him that our son would call him right back which he did so from his new phone and then I explained to his dad why I got him the phone - that it was only being used when the kids were away from home so they didn't have to go through us anymore when they wanted to talk to one or the other parent and that I thought it was better that we put some distance between us that way. He kept saying "okay" to everything but I think there was nothing else he could say since he finally realized he's not in control of the situation anymore.

In other news...

I so hear you guys about my landscaper but there are reasons I keep him on. First, I've used his services for 8 years now and that's not a relationship that can easily be broken, in my opinion. Second, you don't just fire a landscaper in mid-season because all landscapers are busy and no one's willing to take on new clients this time of year. Do you know when the last time I mowed my own lawn?! Neither do I and I don't want to go down that path again! Not because I don't like physical labor but because I just don't have the time. Okay, I don't like the physical labor aspect of it either!

Lastly, I know he seems a bit dim and that it sounds like he doesn't know how to communicate all that well but if you were married to someone who was as dumb as a bunch of rocks, it would probably rub off on you after awhile, too! You see, while I've never met his wife, I have spoken to her on the phone and let's just say that when God was handing out brains, he must have dropped hers on the floor and had the entire cast of "Stomp" perform on it. When we first started using his service and had to leave him messages, we had to go through her. It was like talking to a brick wall just to get her to understand what we were saying. A normal conversation would go something like this...

Me: I'd like to leave a message for Chuck.
Her: You want to leave a message for Chuck?
Me: Yes.
Her: Chuck who?
Me: Um...your husband?!
Her: Oh, that Chuck!

Thankfully, he finally figured out that if he wanted to keep clients, he needed to get voicemail... and so he did.

As for keeping him as my landscaper, I've mentioned it before but I'll say it again, he really is one of the best in the area. I don't know of many landscapers who has the knowledge that he does plus, in the off season, attends seminars wherever, whenever possible to learn of new techniques and chemical applications. I know he's made some mistakes but then again, no one's perfect, right?!

Well no one but me. Heh.